To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

I'm an SAHP but used to work part time. When I stopped working people started asking me what it was like being a full time mum/ how was I coping with being full time! I get what they meant - what's it like being at home with the kids all day everyday? I found the full time bit insulting and can totally see why mums who work also get annoyed with this question. No come backs sorry - although the ones given are good. We're all full time mum's whatever you do outside the home.

It bothers people, because the working mums think it implies they are only part time mums. It's a ridiculously pedantic argument.

No comeback required, but how would you describe yourself? Your reaction suggests that you don't think it's ok to be a full time mum.

Don’t feel bad.
I outsource my childcare 5 days per week and have 10 Christmas presents to buy if you include everyone involved.
I am definitely a part time mum 😀

I'd just say yes. Parent is a noun and a verb. Deal with it.

I’m struggling to understand the issue too.

Op is it the phrasing?
Is it the fact you’re going back to work?
Is it you’re not going back to work.?

I think you need to clarify why you’ve taken issue here and want a comeback and an ehrm head tilt, of all things?

"Are you a full time mum?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you have a job?"

"So you mean am I a stay at home parent? Yes/no."

Simple!

Being a mother is a relationship, not a job.

Have been a full time mum from the day DT’s were born. Happen to also have full time paid employment. Will be a full time mum til the day I die!

Meh... You obviously know what they mean, why be annoyed? I mean, in current language full tim mum means stay at home mum for most people.
I am a working mum btw.

People don't say it to be offensive though.
They mean are you going back to work or being a full time mum during normal working hours.
They are not suggesting you are inferior for working, as don't most mum's work these days?

It used to be a perfectly polite and reasonable way of saying SAHM. Etiquette has changed but some people haven't had the memo. They don't mean anything by it.

It is rude. It’s implying that if you work you are not being a parent. Which is a load of shit. No-one would ask a dad if they are full time. No issue with the labels sahm or working mum.

It's just clumsy. I am a full-time mum that works 28 hours a week. By that I mean I have two children, (2 and 4) and no childcare. I work at nap time and evenings. I am not a SAHM, I am not a WOHM, I am a WAHM, but that doesn't fit well into small talk chats. I think full-time is used to mean your children are with you full-time and not in childcare? Not that you aren't a parent all the time but that you delegate some of the care to others.

Platypus as a working mum I do not find it rude in the least

I'm a working mother but tbh I actually always preferred this term to SAHM. The term 'stay at home mother' implies that you never leave the house or do anything outside of it.

I use the term SAHM because I know it's what's now considered acceptable, but who know what it'll be in ten years time.

I don't think there's any term for a mother who isn't in paid employment that isn't going to be offensive to someone so I just roll with it.

It doesn't imply anything about a woman working and not being a ft sahm.
That's really what people are asking.
I think it's a shame that women take the hump at this question, because they either aren't happy with their choice and reading in implications that don't exist or worse think that other women judge their choices all the time.
Anything that keeps us fighting is brilliant for the patriarchy, shame really.

You obviously know what they mean, why be annoyed?

I agree with this. If I got snippy about being called a stay at home mum on the grounds of inaccuracy (it’s a rare day when I’ve stayed at home all day and it has usually involved illness), then you’d call me a pedant. People are just making conversation.

Find a way to be comfortable with what you’re doing and then the phrasing of questions like that won’t bother you.

'Being a mother is a relationship, not a job.'

This. 'Full-time mum' is supposed to imply that it is a job, or that you are somehow not a 'mum' when at work. It taps into the same attitudes as comments (there was a flurry of them on a thread the other week) implying that the children of FT WOHM are 'raised' by nurseries or nannies.

I have three children and I work part-time. I don't think of myself as 'a part.time mum and a part-time lion tamer' (job details have been changed, oddly enough).

Just reply with a lovely ambiguous "Aren't we all?"

Gah, they were trying to make polite conversation and you have taken umbridge. Honestly find something else to be indignant about and take it in the spirit it was intended. Try not to look for the negative connotation, most people aren’t arses.

People aren’t that interested in you and are just making small talk.

They can’t win. You’d be upset if asked if you work, or asked if you’re a housewife.

They could ask if you are on maternity or just unemployed but it sounds politer to phrase it as full time mum I suspect.

It's a crap term as it's neither a job nor a role.

Am I classed as a full time shop assistant even though I work 20 hours a week?
I'm at home now but I'm still a shop assistant. I'm still a shop assistant when I'm in the pub, in the supermarket, reading bedtime stories, making tea.