To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

“No, I’m a full-time legend”

Another annoyance is “Oh, a parent. But what do you actually dooooooo?”

I bet dads don't get questioned like this or feel they have to justify themselves all the time.

I work full time. I'm still a full time mum because I never stop being a mum. I don't feel any guilt for working, never have and never will. The vast majority of families in the world have at least one working parent and I will not be shamed about it because I am also a mum!

My husband is a SAHD. All our kids are now in school. He's still a full time dad, and when he gets a job, it will likely be part time to fit around the kids. Not one person has ever questioned him about why he is at home and not me. They ask me how I can bear that he's at home and not me though .

I don’t see this issue here - I’m a full time dad.

We just need to stop it its ridiculous.
Having been a sahm, pt worker, H.educator and now parents of a boarder, I've had negative and positive comments.
I'm happy to say that most people were nice about whichever situation I was in at the time.
There were only a few ignoramuses or is that ignorami
I just used to refuse to take offence and give them the benefit of doubt.

Tell them your a PA in a high stress position, but you can't talk about it as your boss put a clause in your contractions...

Isnt earning money ‘parenting’ though? I work part time, my husband works full time. We are both full time parents. Part of parenting in my opinion includes providing for your children therefore whilst I am at work I am contributing to parenting my children by being able to buy food and provide housing and clothes for them.

I don’t think you need a comeback.

It sounds like someone was trying to have a conversation with you. If no offence is meant why take any?

And teachers plan at home. If they work part time I would still be surprised to see any getting huffy at being described as a part time teacher.

It is a silly term, I don’t consider that my DH is any less a full-time parent than I am because he works full-time. Being a parent isn’t a job, it’s a relationship as has been said. I could object to the phrase stay at home mum as I also work for a charity but I like it better than the term ‘housewife’ lol.

Do you work op? If you don't then your a full time mum, no? I'm not sure what your struggling with
She's just asking if your a sahm mum, no?

I'm not a mother yet and absolutely hate the idea of offending anyone.

Up until a few months ago when MN taught me that some women don't like the term FTM and why (totally understandable), I would have perfectly asked if someone was a FTM (or SAHM) as a way of making pleasant conversation. I honestly felt proud of not using an old-fashioned term like "housewife"!

So, as someone mentioned earlier, many of us simply haven't "got the memo" and mean no offence so a witty comeback would only serve to make you seem rude. I'd much rather someone politely said "yes I am, although I prefer FTM" with a smile on their face.

No... I stop listening to them from 4:30 until 8am, I’m part time at best, but shhhh don’t tell anyone.

*that should read "although I prefer SAHM"

Yes I’m a full time mum, I also work as x for x hours per weeks as does husband. During this time my child is not an orphan!

Being a mother is a relationship, not a job

Not just a relationship it's also, tutor, Cook, cleaner, councilor the list could go on. So yes it is also work.

Maybe you should also state that you're a full time daughter, sister, cousin and friend then if you are also any of those things since you will also still be those when you're at work.
People are asking your occupation - what occupies you for the majority of the day.

I don't see being a mother as a job. It is something I became when I gave birth to DS, it is not something I can ever stop being so don't see how it equates to (for example) being a FT or PT teacher.

. I absolutely don't mind if I am asked something like 'are you at home FT with you children" or "do you look after your children full time?" or something like that.

I do however struggle to know what to say to "Are you a FT mum?"

I usually just ignore the mild irritation I feel though and answer that I work as a 'xxx, without refering to my parents status at all..

Occasionally if I am particularly sensitive that day I say " Well I like to think I'm a mum all the time but if you mean do I have a paid job as well as being a parent, I do, I'm a "xxx"."

Part of parenting in my opinion includes providing for your children therefore whilst I am at work I am contributing to parenting my children by being able to buy food and provide housing and clothes for them.

In broad terms, yes, but we do need a word or term that can be used to describe spending your time with your children meeting their immediate needs. 'Caring' for children could be interpreted to imply that you don't care about your children while at work; 'raising' children suggests that those who use nurseries etc aren't raising their own children; SAHP implies that one parent never leaves the house; 'homemaker' is, I believe the more common term in America but it does sort of ignore the child-rearing aspect of the role.

As long as parents (or to be specific, mothers) are made to feel guilty for working whilst simultaneously being told that being a primary caregiver to their child is somehow unworthy of respect, the words really don't matter, it's the attitude and the intention behind them that makes a difference I think.

If you have a full time job then you are not a full time mum (a mum yes, not a full time mum) (under school age) as someone is raising them while you are not there

I would just look puzzled and not be sure what they meant.

Being a mother isn't a job it's a role.

It's alot more than a "role"

Fling it straight back at them. "What do you mean by 'full time mum,?"

It bothers people, because the working mums think it implies they are only part time mums.
Just like it bothers SAHP when you imply they don't work because they are at home with their children instead of leaving the house to go to work. It's a personal choice. I think op you're over thinking small talk for genuine interest or judgement. Live and let live. No one really cares.