To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

Brilliant ! 😁

This thread is what happens in real life with some people defending their circumstances with little empathy. It is emotive regardless of situation. I can't even tell from the (missing) op what their situation is.

My DH and I do what works for our family and I really don't give a shiny shite what others do. The same neighbour that said 'not sure why some women have kids' when I went back to work when my baby was 22 weeks also said 'some women can't be bothered going to work' when I took redundancy (she didn't know I became self employed and worked from home full time).

There's knowledge and there's opinion and only my DH and I know our circumstance. I loved being home on maternity/unpaid leave and I found it miles easier than being a mum and working outside of the home. You may have an opinion about that but you have no knowledge. This is nothing to do with your choices or experiences.

I work at my job and also do the same as my friends that don't go out to work for our school aged DC (school runs, cooking, shopping, diy, laundry,cleaning, homework, hopscotch, etc.) It's not a competition.

Full time mum - aren't we all? It's a wanky term, as is outsourcing parenting for those of us using childcare or lucky enough to have help from your parents.

I work 50 hours a week, I don't describe myself as a working mum, I love my job, it's well paid but it doesn't define me. I work in paid employment because I'm the main financial provider. If I won the lottery tomorrow, who knows? I'll still be a full time parent and so will my DH. I'm not sure I'd stay in my paid job though.

The only thing I'm sure if is that I'll have offended someone (without meaning to).

Can I just add though for those saying it’s easier being a stay at home mum than going to work and then doing all your chores later on- some kids don’t let you do chores in the day unless they nap. And some mums see the time they would be working as they should just really focus on the children so save the chores til later anyway when there’s going to be another parent around to watch them or the kids are having quiet time to prepare for sleep. Just saying being at work with grown ups was waaaay easier than being at home with demanding chlisten. If childcare was more affordable or I had family to help EVER I would love to go back to work. I’m jealous of those that can!!

Being on maternity leave with a baby IS way easier than being at home with toddlers or children. So I’m not sure comparing maternity leave to being a stay at home mum is really right.

Good point Bunny!

I wouldn't want my dd making herself vulnerable. I wouldn't want her doing "wife work". I wouldn't want her thinking that she couldn't be independent and defined as a person in her own right. I wouldn't want her to think she's limited compared to her brothers because she has a vagina.

I don't feel limited or vulnerable. I worked bloody hard before my babies and I have my own income through a rental property. I love my life raising my children the way I want to. I love that I was there for every first and that so far I've taught them everything they know. I want nothing more for my children than for them to be happy. For some people raising their children 24/7 makes them far happier than any job and I would wholeheartedly support my daughter and indeed my son if they wanted to stay home and raise their own children

And when my daughter talks about when she’s a grown up and gets married and has babies I tell her she might not want to. She might not decide to have babies. Or she might not want to get married. She has a friend whose mum works and the dad stays at home with the children. She has another friend who’s parents work different days so they don’t often need childcare. She has friends who’s parents both work and they have to attend after school club. She knows she has choices in life.

Missing the point possibly but having been both a SAHM and a working mum I’m a bit sick of hearing how much harder it is to stay at home. No it really isn’t. You’re not under pressure to meet deadlines or to reach sales targets whatever. Not all jobs are cushy. Not all jobs include breaks and perks.
I work hard at my job and at being a mum. It’s a damned hard juggle being a working mum. So if someone asks if you’re Full Time Mum I see no reason to get offended. You’re lucky to be in a position to stay home and enjoy your children.
And I’m sure lots of SAHPs do go for coffees cos the coffee shops around here are always overflowing with yummy mummies and buggies!

RedBunny to be fair I was SAH until DS was 3 and I always found it easier. Now I just have the added pressure of a manager's expectations!

I would just ask someone if they had a job, if I really wanted to know.

I'm sure some will say that they do because they are a SAHM, but the majority of people will understand what you are asking.

I am not a part time mum, no more than I'm a part time wife when I'm not with my husband. It isn't a job (although it is very hard work) and it is impossible to be a full or part time parent.

The only reason it annoys me is because men never get asked that question. No one means any offence so I would have no come back but it is something that is quite annoying.

And when your kids are school age and you have six golden hours to get all the boring crap done ? Working mothers (of school age kids) don’t have that time, so you do all that once your kids are in bed. It’s just a no brainer that SAHMs with school age kids have a way easier time - to suggest otherwise is nonsense.

I think for some women being a SAHM is harder and for others being a working mother is harder. You can't generalise these things. Some women will have far more demanding careers than others, some will put far more effort into daytime activities with the children than others.
If never criticize a woman for working if that's what's best for her. Staying at home with my children is best for me but I do hate people claiming I must be some pathetic little trampled on mouse for doing so.

Macaroni. I think for some it depends on what kind of kids you get. And for some parents, not aimed at you so don’t get cross, but some parents only find it easier because they’re not putting much into it. Also I know this can occur with working single mothers too, bur if you never have any support that makes it harder too. I have several friends that have lucked out with family babysitting so they can go to work two or three days a week. And they tell me they go to work because they can’t handle having the kids all the time and work feels like time for themselves. Perhaps it depends what kind of job you’re doing as well then? I mean how far do we take the discussion as to who has an easier time?

It must be nice to be a bloke and not to ever have to give this a single thought because no one ever asks you

I wouldn't want my dd making herself vulnerable. I wouldn't want her doing "wife work". I wouldn't want her thinking that she couldn't be independent and defined as a person in her own right

Nor would I want that for my DDs. I’m a SAHM, but am not vulnerable (financially or otherwise) and I’m very independent and defined as a person in my own right. I’ve just never been defined by the job I’ve had. I don’t think that’s very healthy for anyone, man or woman. And I wouldn’t want my DDs to be either. I want them to have genuine choices.

Oh and I will absolutely agree that stay at home mums to school age children have the easiest time! When I hear those women telling me they’re too busy or too tired and can’t fit everything in, yes, I want to smack them. My husband having seen how hard I work has told me that when my kids are all in school, I don’t have to go back to work right away, to make up for all the hard times I’ve had now!

Oh yeah men in general don’t get this trouble at all! Also feel super jealous of the ladies whose husbands can do School runs and club drops off etc sometimes. Apart from every other Sunday I feel like a single mum anyway!

Not just a relationship it's also, tutor, Cook, cleaner, councilor the list could go on. So yes it is also work

That's rubbish. I was a SAHM for 16 years and I was not a cook, a counsellor or a tutor.

The things you listed are things you do as a parent and adult. The parenting role is very important, but you don't need to pretend you are a tutor because you help your child with homework and teach them things.

Whilst a working mother is in her office or wherever I'm spending my whole day playing with, teaching and generally moulding my.children into good people.

It’s just a no brainer that SAHMs with school age kids have a way easier time

Now this I don’t dispute. The whole family has an easier time. Why would I do it otherwise?

Ah U2 I do believe you're quoting me. What is your problem with what I've said there?

BitchQueen90
Can you quote my insult please? Cost at no point have I done so.

lilybookins I can only comment on what I think and tbf having never done WOHM I wouldn't know, I only assume I haveonlyeasier not having to do both

Haven't read through the thread but loved the principle. I used to be a high flying management style IT type in a French Investment Bank. By child 3 it was obvious one of us needed to give up. The main regret I have is that 3 (out of 4 - the 4th was unexpected, but trust me thats a WHOLE other story) can't remember me working. I bought the house we live in, yet they attribute everything to their father - but I'm digressing! Anyway, I'm rarely asked if I a full time stay at home mum, I'm normally asked if I work. My response is always "No, I don't have time for such luxuries!". Unfortunately it always stumps the more pompous men more than the women - which is a shame as it lives up to stereotyping far more than it should. Now as a Psychology degree student (with the OU) and an ardent Feminist could I please remind all the mums out there that we're raising the next generation of men - make sure you install some equality!

@U2HasTheEdge I take it your a part time mum