To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

I wouldn't want my dd making herself vulnerable. I wouldn't want her doing "wife work". I wouldn't want her thinking that she couldn't be independent and defined as a person in her own right

I get that financially I'm vulnerable but actually I have few choices so hey ho.
I don't do any more wife work than I did before we had a child. I do mom work - that's what's different.
However I am a person in my own right thanks. A person who likes Thor and coffee shops and live gigs and ballet, who is a good listener and sings out of tune. I don't need paid work to define me

I want my kids and especially my dd to be financially independent.
At school my dd proudly exclaims
She wants to be a xxxxxx (what I do!) and a mummy.
That makes me very proud.

@U2HasTheEdge I take it your a part time mum

What is your point?

U2 I do believe you're quoting me. What is your problem with what I've said there?

I don't remember who posted what. Im not going to look back to find it. Which quote that I posted are you referring to?

Oh I see. You made the twee comment about teaching and moulding your children into good people all day long.

It has already been pointed out to you why it was a silly thing to say. I don't need to explain it to you again.

I was a SAHM for 16 years. I clearly have nothing against people who don't work when they have children and why would I? The two replies I quoted were quite laughable though. I never felt I had to justify my choices. I most certainly wouldn't call myself a cook and a counsellor or tell people I spend all day moulding my children into good people to justify my choices.

Why would people think you're a nobody if you look after your children? I think anyone who looks after their children is lucky, despite it being the hardest job in the world. I really wouldn't take offence to the question.

So much irony in women here making themselves out to be strong, proud feminist women but they seem to take so much pleasure in being hideously condescending to others.

It'd be helpful if you read things in contezt. I didn't say that to justify myself, it was in response to another woman implying SAHM do bugger all all day long. I am moukding my children into the people i want single handedly. I don't have grandparents providing input or nurseries teachers or childminders. In different circumstances that may or may not be a positive thing but it's certainly occupying my time and demanding far more of me than sitting them in front of CBeebies all day.

Did anyone say you did bugger all? I apologise if I missed it.

Your comment was in response to this post.

We also have to do everything in terms of school runs, homework, housework etc that SAHPs do for their children, on top of our other jobs.

You took offence at that and made a barbed comment. All good parents, spend time moulding their children into good people and they spend time playing with them and educating them too. You said 'whilst a working mother is in her office, I'm busy moulding my children into good people' (paraphrasing). Don't act like it was an innocent comment. The air of superiority was dripping from your post.

"No, in my spare time I am looking for a stone to live under, so I can be just like you".

Of course they do, I never suggested they didn't, my commentcwas that I do that all day everyday. The point is that someone takes that role and I'm my family it's me. By virtue of me being with the children all the time I am able to spend more time doing those things and hence a working parent cannot do everything I do, they delegate some of that to other trusted people. I never said that makes them a bad parent simply that they cannot possibly do everything personally that a SAHM can. People like to minimise the role of a SAHP but if you do it right, or at least as well as you can, it isn't a work in the park. The comment wasn't barbed or intended to be dripping in superiority, I have much respect for working parents, I only ask they have the same respect for me and don't claim they can do everything I do and work 40+ hours a week.

"Yes, i am."
"Yes, iam, i truly enjoy it too! What about you?"
"Yes, i am. I worked for several years, but now i am devoting myself tp raising my dc."

Life is a series of events, not supposed to be a competition.
Btw, i stayed home for both dc. They told me that homes without parents were the ones that were crazy-town in teen years).

Btw, i stayed home for both dc. They told me that homes without parents were the ones that were crazy-town in teen years

Working mother means growing up in a 'home without parents'?

We also have to do everything in terms of school runs, homework, housework etc that SAHPs do for their children, on top of our other jobs

I didn't do any of that when I was working full time. Few of us have full time jobs that also allow us to do school runs and homework!

If you have to tell lies to make yourself feel better about your choices, you feel bad about your choices. And no-one cares but you.

What do SAHM do that working mums don't?

They spend more time doing the active work of parenting. Again, simple facts, not judgements. We can't bend reality to fit your issues.

The main regret I have is that 3 can't remember me working.I bought the house we live in, yet they attribute everything to their father - working might not help. Friend's DS (4yo) tells everybody that daddy has an important job, earns money and manages people. Which is true, exept that mummy manages 10 times as many people and earns a lot more money..
It's difficult to fight the entire society where the equality is possible in theory, but in practice women's jobs are sill seen as a bit of a pin-money on the side, if they have time left over after family obligations.

This was my answer to that question and the silence it caused after was hilarious 😂

yes ! I am a full time mum
That makes me an alarm clock, a cook, a maid, a waitress, a teacher, a nanny, a nurse, a handyman, a security officer, a photographer, a counselor, a chauffeur, a lifelong student, an event planner, a personal assistant, an ATM, & a comforter. I don't get holiday's, sick pay or day's off. I work through the day & night. I am on call at all hour's the rest of my life.

Did you really reply to someone like that? How bizarre.

I find this whole thread utterly bizarre. Everything that Minefield just listed is the same for those mothers who work in a paid profession.

All this dissection is really unnecessary. We all know what "full time mum" means. We all know it's not meant in any bad way. So why choose to take it to mean something bad?

Common parlance is:
Full time mum = stay at home mum, mum who doesn't go out to work
Working mum = mum who goes out to work

How can this be so difficult? Why make it so difficult? It's such a non-issue.

ooh, I signed a contract for a new gas company, and put some papers in the tax folder, this must make me lawyer and a tax adviser and accountant! And as I brushed DS's hair, am I a stylist and hairdresser now?

As for the 'no holidays', guess what working people call those days we can stay home and spend time with our DC? Holidays!

This was my answer to that question and the silence it caused after was hilarious

The silence was the other person/people wondering if you'd had a fucking stroke.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea
This was my answer to that question and the silence it caused after was hilarious
The silence was the other person/people wondering if you'd had a fucking stroke.

😂

Minefield1982 I'm a SAHM too and even i think you sound bizarre. Defensive at best. An absolute pita who thinks there better than everyone else at worst.

I replaced my sons PEG into his stomach. the original was placed by a surgeon and subsequent ones by nurses. Me doing it makes me a mom.

I adhuat his feeding regime and tweak his calories and feeds etc, normally done by our dietitian. Doing so makes me a mom.

I take him everywhere, talk to all his doctors, liaise with nursery and community services. I do cuddles and discipline and fun. Doing that makes me a mom.

My friend is a lawyer. She does nursery runs and bed times and fun and discipline and baths and reading. Doing so makes her a mom.

Her warning more or me spending more time with my son doesn't makey either one of us a better mom or a more complete mom.

Wothoit question jiggling a law career and two children will be much harder than not working and juggling one. She may think having one medically complex child is harder than having two healthy ones. It still doesn't make anyone more or less or better or worse a mom.

sleeping I didn't mean you were insulting people, but some others on the thread were. It wasn't aimed at you.

minefield no. You're not a nurse, nor a teacher, nor a counsellor and frankly that's an insult to those who go to university to earn degrees to do those jobs. You're a mum.

We also have to do everything in terms of school runs, homework, housework etc that SAHPs do for their children, on top of our other jobs

Just to be clear. That comment above was not mine. I quoted it but it isn't my comments.

However, that might be true for some set ups and not so true for others. Mine are all at school and my shift patterns means I'm really not spending much less time doing active parenting. If they were still at home then I most certainly would be. If I was working 40+ hours then there is no way I would be doing as much active parenting as a SAHM.

Not that is matters does it?

The comment wasn't barbed or intended to be dripping in superiority

Ok. If I read your tone completely wrong then I sincerely apologise.

?Not that is matters does it?

Well it matters when people are claiming thing to be true that are not when trying to shore up their own feelings of inadequecy, and taking those feelings out on others.

I'm sure lots (most?) of women end up being working parents and SAHP. It's a long haul with several children, especially if you have big age gaps. Hopefully that will lead some people to become more empathetic to others, and also to care less about terms that are not meant to be malicious (full time mum).

I've found the challenge and enjoyment of the experience of both to depend on the number and temperament of children/the job involved, presence of another parent or not, and my general mood. I don't think my experience could ever be accurately or usefully compared to anyone else's.