To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

@Viviennemary I'm currently pregnant again and at my booking app, the midwife asked what I do. I'm currently studying for another degree whilst at home with DS... the only option in the brand new shiny computer system was Housewife.

For me the bigger issue is the difference between pay discrepancies across jobs. When DH and I got together as new Graduates, I out earned him. Then years of public sector pay freezes and promotion freezes meant that by the time I got pregnant with DS, he earned 4x as much as me. The best solution for us financially was for me to give up work.

All our assets are in my name because I'm a horrible cynic.

Not sure I fully understand the question but every mum is a full time mum, whether they also work elsewhere part/full time or not. We don't because a part time mum just because we also have another job!!

I'm a bit of a cynic too. Better that than a fool. I think it would be the pension aspect that would worry me the most. And especially for SAHM's that aren't married. They wouldn't be entitled to any share of the partner's pension. It's a minefield but folk should be aware of the pitfalls.

vivienne no, I don't worry about that. And I was previously a single mum. I know I will find a way forward if that happens.

I don’t worry about if my husband and I were to split up either. If we did, I would then be financially better off to send my son to preschool more and go and get a job. But at the same time I’d also get a discount on my council tax, would qualify for working tax credit, probably would get help with childcare costs,etc, which we do not qualify for now. Being married I wouldn’t earn enough to make it worthwhile going to work. And when they are older and I can go back to work I will just get a job. I wouldn’t be looking for a career anyway; I don’t want any long hours to interrupt my family time. That’s my personal choice. I will be looking for a job where I turn up, do what I’m told for a few hours, and leave in time for School pick up or from after school club if needed.

But just to reiterate the point that how easy being a SAHM is vs a working mum and it depending on your kids, I loved being at home with our daughter. We had a lovely time. My son however is very very different and much more needy and demanding and there are days where I wish I could go back to work because although back when I was working I was pursuing a career and promotions and handling lots of stresses and people, that still was easier.
And then of course I feel guilty about saying it because it’s not my sons fault. Children are all different.

None of it is easy because there are sacrifices whatever choice you make. I know of several people who were WOHM who have now been made redundant in their early 50s and are finding it extremely difficult to find work, so there's no guarantees, whatever you do.

Economically inactive is the correct phrase OT the question "what is your economic status?" not "do you work? / are you a full time mum? / so what do you do now the kids are 1/5/9/16?" unless your intention is to sound like a dick.

Do any SAHMs worry what would happen if you split up not everyone who is a SAHM had a choice. Whether its wages too low to cover childcare or a child you can't go into a care setting due to complex needs. If we broke up and he refused to provide financial assistance we would make it work some how even if that means living with my Dad and being on benefits until he's in school then taking any job going. WOHM's could be sacked or made redundant or get ill and have to give up work. They might not have enough savings or be able to jump straight back into a job. DH might clear out the savings account, run up the joint credit cards then disappear in the middle of the night with Mandy from the school run. None of us know what will happen

No, it's a statement indicating your employment level. The question are you a full time mother is also asking about your employment levels.

It's only chippy gits who keep pretending they don't know that and waffling about being full time mothers no matter what else they do or how old their kids are. YAWN.

Full time pedants more like

Tell them it's the most important job in the world.

Dino, why did you pick low paid work in the private sector and your husband picked work which meant he earned 4x what you did? I bet it wasn't chance. Women far too often early on choose the low paid options and that is holding us all back.

Yes - it is the best job I ever had!

It sounds as though you think that being a full time Mum is something that those around you see as devaluing. That is all in your mind. Be proud of what you do; there is no job more important.

morningconstitutional2017
Tell them it's the most important job in the world.

Oh god.

Why "oh god"?

Of course it's not the most important job in the world.

I've been a SAHM for over 10 years and not one person has ever asked me what I do day-to-day, what I used to do or my plans for the future. Why would they? Out of maybe a hundred women I see every day at school pick ups, I have no idea who works part-time, full-time or not at all (except in a few cases). Nobody gives a hoot. I think these kind of conversations and people getting uppity about terms such as "full time mum" only happen on MN.

Tell them it's the most important job in the world.

It really isn't.

Yep full time mum, wouldn't have it any other way. Best job in the world

Then stick your tongue out

Except it's not a job.

Why do people have to call it a job? It just isn't.

I was not working when I was a SAHM for 16 years. SAHM is a valid choice of course, but don't make out it's something it isnt,

Depends on how you use the word job. It doesn't only mean paid employment. I'll often say to my husband I've a couple of jobs I'd like him to get done or I've a few jobs to do around the house. If you look at a job as a task that needs doing then being a SAHM is. I don't see why everyone is so pedantic about the use of words.

I'm get sort of the opposite. Things like 'ah you having the kids for the weekend, thats good of you' or 'oh your giving their mum a break'. People stereotype, make misconceptions but most of its based the normal script. So I don't get upset. I may say something like 'yes and the rest of the week and the week after that' or 'yes a bloody long one, about two years now'.

If anything my actual career is more a sideline. That's only 35 hrs of my week. Most of the rest of the 133hrs a week is the kids and running the home.

"Surely every Mum is a full time Mum or am I missing something"