Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

To ask WWYD in this school situation

350 replies

Junglejupiter · 06/11/2017 13:23

I really need help (and maybe a reality check) so prepared to hear all opinions but please be kind because I'm upset about this as it is

DD has been having trouble with a girl at school since she started. I'm not going to bore you with a list of incidents but this girl has taken a dislike to my DD and won't allow her to join in play with any other girls that she see fit. I've spoken to the school about this and they have spoken to my DD about things she can do if she finds herself with no one to play with.

A couple of weeks ago, my DD came home very upset as this girl had spat at her. I went in to speak to the HT as normal teacher was away that day and it was very much brushed off as "that's not acceptable, we will keep an eye on it". My DD still comes home and says she's been playing on her own because this girl excludes her.

I've tried inviting friends round to tea to get my DD intergrating with another group but my DD is finding it really hard. She comes home and tells me that this girl is mean to her - tells her to "go away" "you can't play with us" "get off that you can't play on that" etc.

Today j had a voicemail from the HT saying that my DD has been involved in an incident where she has hit this girl, that she's missed her playtime and can I have a word with her because it's not acceptable to be doing that. I've tried ringing the HT back (10 mins later) to be told that she's unavailable to speak to me.

Now don't get me wrong - hitting is wrong and she will be punished at home accordingly but part of me wants to scream and shout that this is a reaction to all what's been going on with her since she started school with this girl. Days of her coming home upset. She's quite a shy girl and hitting is totally out of character for her.

Please give me advice - I'm in tears here, partly because I'm frustrated I've got to wait till 3.15pm to speak to a teacher and secondly because I'm so sad that this has happened

OP posts:

celticmissey · 07/11/2017 17:14

should read ask the HT what their anti bullying policy is...

Original poster

Junglejupiter · 07/11/2017 17:31

Another update - at pick up today the other girls mum wasn't there. I was stood talking to one of the friendship groups mum and she said that she had heard about the incident that happened. I asked her how she knew and she said that whilst I was waiting to speak to the teacher yesterday, the other mum was telling all that would listen that my daughter is a "dog" and her version of events of what happened. When my DD came out we walked back to the car with this mum and her DD. Her DD then said to me that my DD had been hit round the face today by the bully girl. When I asked my DD is this was true she said yes but she didn't tell a teacher. The mum then said to my DD that she must always tell a teacher when she is hurt or upset and I felt that the mum understood my position.

OP posts:

SilentSilverLights · 07/11/2017 17:42

Your poor daughter. I would personally tell the school you're not sending her back in until they have explained how they will protect her from being bullied. Better still, move her to a different school.

CarrotVan · 07/11/2017 17:46

Why did your DD not tell someone and where did this assault take place?

It may be that the bulk of the incidents are happening at lunchtime when the teaching team aren't there. She needs a named person on the lunch team to go to if there's an incident and the lunch team need to be aware that they need to keep a closer eye on this group.

Is there a Y6 buddy system? If so these kids could initiate games that involve a range of kids and model positive friendship behaviour at break times.

bastardkitty · 07/11/2017 17:47

Poor you and your poor daughter. I would withdraw her from school now. I would email saying that as she has been hit today, following incidents where she has previously been injured, spat on and bullied by x child and that you are now withdrawing her as the school does not acknowledge the bullying and has no plan to protect her in the future.

diddl · 07/11/2017 17:48

Oh that is absolutely awful.

That really was a horrible thing for the other mother to say.

Has she forgotten that the other mums know you & your daughter & her & her daughter so are unlikely to believe that your daughter is suddenly just lashing out?

Hopefully it's be a case of being given enough rope...

diddl · 07/11/2017 17:51

"Why did your DD not tell someone and where did this assault take place? "

Because she's 4, scared & has seen her mum dismissed by the HT??

bastardkitty · 07/11/2017 17:51

Why did your DD not tell someone

Presumably because they don't believe her when she tells them (they have said they don't believe her) and are ignoring/complicit in her being bullied. It's very difficult. My child was bullied by someone who claimed that they were the victim of bullying by my child, but the bully made a mistake and left an evidence trail. It's awful when you cannot protect your child. You have to stop it, by whatever means possible.

CarrotVan · 07/11/2017 17:56

I'm not criticising - it's important to know why because the school need to know if she didn't tell because the other girl threatened her if she did, if she's scared of the teacher, if it was lunchtime and she didn't know to talk to...

Because the solutions are different in different situations

youarenotkiddingme · 07/11/2017 18:33

Would the other mum be prepared to go in and express concern that her DD has reported witnessing bullying of your DD?

MissEliza · 07/11/2017 19:00

I couldn’t stand and listen to another parent describe a child as a ‘dog’. Also if I knew the other mum even fairly well, I’d have let her know.

NannyOggsKnickers · 07/11/2017 19:06

Add all of this to the list, including the name of the child who witnessed it. Make it clear that you are not condoning the hitting. Get that out of the way first.

Then ask the school what they are going to do about the persistent bullying of your daughter by another child. Highlight that your DD did not report a serious incident today because she thought no one would believe her. If the head is immovable then calmly tell them that you will take this further until you feel the school is listening. Write letters to the governors and Ofsted outlining how the school is failing to deal with bullying.

Toffeelatteplease · 07/11/2017 19:10

You need the other mum to log what her daughter told her happened at the school

Italiangreyhound · 07/11/2017 19:11

What a horrible situation. What's your next plan?

passthecremeeggs · 07/11/2017 19:16

The mother called your daughter a dog?? That's one of the most horrendous things I've ever heard. What can she even mean by that? How appalling for you OP. I have a daughter about the same age and it would break my heart. I really hope you sort it

hefordrivercrossing · 07/11/2017 19:17

Do not allow your daughter to go to the school for a second longer. I have done this and never, ever regreted it. As a foster carer I have also done this too. Do not let her return to the school again, simply inform them you are removing her and then look into other options. Unfortunately you can never win with a headteacher like that and it's the only real way you can "save" your daughter from such bullying and abuse.

Do not let her return tomorrow.

Doomhutch · 07/11/2017 19:51

The school are handling it really badly, and you would be justified in complaining to the governors as the HT sounds useless.

Having said that, as a teacher, I have to say there is only so much we can do about children's friendship groups. I spend a lot of my time dealing with them, and it never sticks. Some of them (like the other girl in this scenario it sounds like) simply don't know how to form healthy relationships, because they don't see any. They need therapists, not teachers.

I spend lesson time teaching about how to make friends, how to be kind. I teach them about toxic friendships, how to play with someone who is (gasp!) not your friend, how to solve problems. I teach Y4 and I literally have to teach 'how to say sorry if you hurt someone's feelings'. And still I'm dealing with it every day. I'm having to deal with a girl right now who is a lot like your DDs nemesis. I have tried teaching her, punishing her. She just doesn't know how to do friendship right.

Sorry for the vent! It just reminded me how hard it is for the children's parents too.

TheCatsMother99 · 07/11/2017 20:26

Jesus Christ. The mother called your daughter a dog?!!!! I'm f-ing fuming on your behalf.

I'm just glad to hear that others are sewing and hearing what this evil mother and her nasty child are actually like.

Gemini69 · 07/11/2017 20:36

any Adult calling a Child a Dog.. must be and reported too and cautioned by the Police .. this is beyond the pale

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/11/2017 20:45

Op please take her out. This is a very serious safe guarding issue now

waitingforlifetostart · 07/11/2017 20:47

Gemini - While calling a child a name is disgusting what do you honestly think they'd do? This is for school to sort and is NOT a police matter.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/11/2017 20:47

I agree about the school being too shit scared of the mother.

Sadly in school unless you're licking the HT arse or youve got a mouth like a trooper. They don't seem to give a shit.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 07/11/2017 20:52

Some people shouldn’t be allowed kids and it sounds like this woman is one of them! If the mother is so abusive to a small child it is little wonder the daughter is! I would be complaining to the governors and LA and ofsted cc in head teacher) about the lack of anti bullying policy and ineffective safeguarding of children at the school. I would enquire about other school options.

Mittens1969 · 07/11/2017 20:56

That is just so awful, no wonder the girl behaves like she does. Hopefully, though, she’s gone too far by calling your DD names and shown her true colours to the other mums in the playground.

I would agree that you shouldn’t send your DD back to that school.

Gemini69 · 07/11/2017 21:04

waitingforlifetostart

if an Adult directed these aggressive comments to the Child.. there are grounds to involve the Police...

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Swipe left for the next trending thread