It's not something I wanted to post but I need advice.
I have a four month old daughter, the first grandchild for my parents, I am the youngest of four. My brother and his wife have been trying to conceive for over four years.
I am very close with my brother and is very much a people pleaser. His wife ignored me over many family events, to which my brother told me it was hard for her (which I understand).
But now is basically 'birthday season' in my family many having land mark birthdays. My brother will be turning 40 and having a weekend full of celebrating. It's a big family thing where all the children from her side have been invited including her nieces and nephews ( ages from one month old to 7 years ) My partner and I have been invited but not my daughter as it's too hard for her to see her.
My brother on the other hand sees her as much as possible but alone.
Would I be unreasonable to take this personally? It's very hard to be singled out because obviously I won't be going anywhere without her
AIBU?
SIL won't see my baby.
Littlejayx · 05/11/2017 19:44
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I think going to see SIL before the party must be the way to begin. Even if your baby isn’t there, you will be, and you will still be the one who had hte baby, and given how strong her feelings are, she won’t really like you being there either.
You can maybe ask your brother to negotiate this, you don’t need to spoil the birthday surprise, just say you are aware that it’s tough for SIL and you can’t go on like this, especially with CHristmas around the corner (whatever reasons you can come up with). It might be easier though, if in the end it’s just hte three of you. I cannot imagine she will be hostile with the two of you in front of her, and if she is upset, maybe you can just let her be?
Friends of my husband had a baby the day my first child would’ve been born. Same sex, same name. I still feel sad sometimes when I see him, but he’s a teenager now, and I have other children, but it was pretty hideous. I did go out of my way to avoid them, but I didn’t stop them coming to social events at ours (there were a couple in the first 18 months). I had to do a lot of talking/crying to a close friend, but I’m glad I didn’t make a thing of it. The husband died recently, and I cannot help feel guilty that I was so upset at the time, when they are now dealing with this, but the point is that many people have awful awful tragedies to deal with throughout their lives, and it isn’t fair to punish anyone else for it.
Sorry, don’t know if that helps, it just really hit a nerve. Do try. If it doesn’t work, well, then you’ll know. But don’t just turn up, or just don’t go. Try and at least get to a point where you can show your face for a bit each day.
for both of you.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
your SIL needs to get a bloody grip... the world is still turning.. the moon still rises.. the sun still sets... this is the most ridiculous situation and not of your making OP... do not hide your Baby
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.