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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unappreciative and rather cheeky

181 replies

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:06

As Christmas is fast approaching I thought I'd call my sister in law to ask her if there was anything in particular my six year old neice wanted. I don't really like asking people what they want as I like to surprise them but my Sil is a bit weird and obsessive when it comes to Christmas and she will go round telling each family member specifically what she wants.

Anyway, she sent me a link to a present my neice wants. It was one of those fur real dog things. So I ordered it and went to collect it and the woman who served me said that they didn't have the exact one I'd ordered. The dog was the same except my Sil said to get the black one and the store only had the white in stock. I didn't think this would be a problem as like I said it was the same dog just a different colour. So I messaged my Sil to tell her and she messaged me back saying she didn't like this particular one. I explained the black one was out of stock at the store I was at and also out of stock everywhere else. I explained that the the features were exactly the same and just the colour was different and she said she's not giving It to my neice and I should take it back and get something else or give her the receipt and she will swap it when the one she wants comes back into stock.

Aibu to think this is really cheeky? My husband has gone mad saying I've bought her a lovely gift and our neice will be made up. I would never dream of telling someone I don't like your gift and I'm taking it back. Don't get me wrong i know our kids do end up with some tat they don't like quite as much as their other gifts and us adults too at times but that's life, but the gift I bought was £40 which is a lot for me to spend considering I have ten nieces and nephews. My husband is adamant we are not giving his sister the receipt so she can swap it and we will just give it to our neice on the day. I know she'll be happy. I reallt don't know what Sil's problem is and think she's being a spoiled selfish madam.

OP posts:
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 09:49

Erm, sorry no I haven't .Just give me a second and I'll screen shot the message and post it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/11/2017 09:49

This whole thing makes no sense. If she didn’t tell you the child wanted the black one and for some reason, as you say, you don’t understand why you wrote she did in your op, why did you then say it wasn’t the one she wanted so you texted to tell her and you didn’t think colour was a problem in the shop as it was just different colour to thr one she wanted.

The whole thing becomes illogical. Unless you don’t understand why you wrote the rest of it either ?

Pengggwn · 05/11/2017 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waitingonasmile · 05/11/2017 09:52

Brilliant, that's sorted then and you don't have to do anything more. You can judge away but let it go and stop wasting head space burning with resentment about this.

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 09:52

Yep I messed up my original post. Sorry. She sent me a screen shot of deiffrent coloured dogs and one of the black and white one. The black one was the first one I seen so I told her I'd ordered the black one. Then when I went to collect it the black one wasn't available so I messaged her to tell her if got the white one.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 05/11/2017 09:53

I don't disagree that sil is rude to insist on telling people exactly what her dd wants if she knows they actually prefer giving surprise presents. However, if you are asked to specify what your child would like as a present and are then told that can't be found but would something the giver thinks is similar be OK, I think you should be entitled to give an honest answer to a direct question. As for the receipt thing - some people include the receipts with their presents, anyway, as toys sometimes malfunction and need to be returned, and most givers know that whatever is said to their face, their presents are not always fully appreciated!... Everyone has a different way of doing and seeing things. I don't see the need to get shirty about it. Just say to sil you would like to buy surprise presents for your niece in future.

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 09:54

I'm not having a fit about it despite you all making out I am. I just think it's cheeky and rude. Clearly the majority of you don't agree but that's fine .

OP posts:
streetlife70s · 05/11/2017 09:54

She replied that my niece would like it but she doesn't

Reply, “Lucky the present’s not for you then isn’t it you grabby little fucker”

Ok, maybe not. But...tempting Grin

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 09:55

Haha I can imagine her response if I replied like that lol.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 05/11/2017 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justoneme · 05/11/2017 09:56

Maybe SiL felt the white one would get dirty where as the black will hide the dirt?

I can understand both points of views ... however you did ask the woman what gift to get and you didn't get the gift as wanted,... no point of asking.

Pengggwn · 05/11/2017 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 09:57

She'd have a fit and then go running to my mother in law slagging me off and then mother in law would get on the phone to Dh lol.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 05/11/2017 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Appuskidu · 05/11/2017 09:58

Does she not want the white one because it will get filthy? If all the black ones are out of stock, she's probably not alone there Grin.

streetlife70s · 05/11/2017 09:59

I do think MN is a parallel universe at times Lucey. I completely agree with you and in real life I know all my friends and family would agree you are right and CF SIL is in the wrong.

Maybe it’s just us that live in a parallel universe Hmm

Bluntness100 · 05/11/2017 10:00

Op, to write a whole op that is completely and utterly wrong and total fantasy is really disturbing. I don’t even know how you do that. And to then say “I don’t know why I wrote all that it’s not true, I messed up” would make me worry about myself.

Honestly, if you’re not sure what happened, just give her the receipt and stop stressing over something so insignicant.

roundaboutthetown · 05/11/2017 10:01

Getting hung up on who is right and who is wrong is just a huge waste of energy. Just give her the receipt and do things differently next year.

streetlife70s · 05/11/2017 10:01

Lots of times my family ask for suggestions. Nothing wrong with that. But the polite thing to do if the person can’t get the suggestion is to show gratitude for whatever they do get. After all, nobody HAS to ask or get anything at all if they don’t want to.

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 10:02

No I don't think it's because it'll get dirty as my neice has lots of toys that are white. Like I said I think she's just a bit obsessive when it comes to Christmas and when she gets things in her head she can't let go.

OP posts:
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 10:04

It's not total fantasy. If I really felt the need to make up a story I'd come up with something better than this.

OP posts:
Oblomov17 · 05/11/2017 10:06

No. I disagree. If I had dd’s rather than ds’s I could appreciate wanting a particular chad valley doll, the red haired one rather than the blonde, or the black dog, not the white one.

MrsHathaway · 05/11/2017 10:06

I don't disagree that SIL's behaviour is exasperating. I just don't think it's the hill I'd die on.

If you wouldn't buy a noisy or enormous toy out of consideration for the parents, why wouldn't you take their preferences into account in other ways? Like you nod and smile and comply when someone insists on wooden toys or no Disney or only branded, and fit your gift giving in the overlap between your preferences and theirs.

If she's grabby and difficult in other ways then that's an issue for another day. DH's issue, specifically.

bufin · 05/11/2017 10:06

Where's the screen shot you promised of this morning's message OP?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/11/2017 10:06

@Lucey33, wrap the white Dog up, and give it to your DN, on Christmas Day, watch her little face light up, I'm with your DH on this one.
Your SIL, sounds like a back stabber, regardless of which present you choose. Buy her a muzzle ! 😂👍🏻