Unappreciative and rather cheeky

[Lucey33]

As Christmas is fast approaching I thought I'd call my sister in law to ask her if there was anything in particular my six year old neice wanted. I don't really like asking people what they want as I like to surprise them but my Sil is a bit weird and obsessive when it comes to Christmas and she will go round telling each family member specifically what she wants.

Anyway, she sent me a link to a present my neice wants. It was one of those fur real dog things. So I ordered it and went to collect it and the woman who served me said that they didn't have the exact one I'd ordered. The dog was the same except my Sil said to get the black one and the store only had the white in stock. I didn't think this would be a problem as like I said it was the same dog just a different colour. So I messaged my Sil to tell her and she messaged me back saying she didn't like this particular one. I explained the black one was out of stock at the store I was at and also out of stock everywhere else. I explained that the the features were exactly the same and just the colour was different and she said she's not giving It to my neice and I should take it back and get something else or give her the receipt and she will swap it when the one she wants comes back into stock.

Aibu to think this is really cheeky? My husband has gone mad saying I've bought her a lovely gift and our neice will be made up. I would never dream of telling someone I don't like your gift and I'm taking it back. Don't get me wrong i know our kids do end up with some tat they don't like quite as much as their other gifts and us adults too at times but that's life, but the gift I bought was £40 which is a lot for me to spend considering I have ten nieces and nephews. My husband is adamant we are not giving his sister the receipt so she can swap it and we will just give it to our neice on the day. I know she'll be happy. I reallt don't know what Sil's problem is and think she's being a spoiled selfish madam.

[larrygrylls]

Lucey,

Just give her the white dog and stop agonising! You have done the right thing and, if she rejects it because of the colour, her loss....a good life lesson.

[TheFirstMrsDV]

If DN is so desperate for the black dog and the SIL will have to deal with the fall out if she doesn't get it a.tough she needs to have a word with her DD and b.she should be the one finding the vital must have toys and not farming the job out to hapless relatives.

There are a million toys my kids are desperate for every year and they can't have them. So we talk about it. SIL could try that maybe?

If it is the kid who is the problem and I am not convinced it is.

[Lucey33]

I understand that but my Sil and my neice didn't specify which one to buy. My Sil sent me a screen shot to my phone of these dogs and there was multiple different coloured dogs on the screen. She didn't specify which one and I was in a bit of a rush so didn't think to ask either.

[PurpleMinionMummy]

You can be grateful and disappointed. You obviously knew it would be a problem or you wouldn't have rang your sil to check. If she's happy to take the receipt and swap it when a black one is available it's rather petty to say no. I doubt she'd go to the hassle of waiting, looking, swapping for the fun of it.

[roundaboutthetown]

Just buy something else instead. If you don't like being told what to buy, don't ask in the first place. If you ask, then you will be told what is actually wanted, so don't complicate matters by getting something that is not actually wanted, as a surprise present is better than a disappointment to most people. And I never buy anything in white.

[PurpleMinionMummy]

You do know your op says sil stated the black one....

[Bluntness100]

IF I was your SIL I would have asked for a gift receipt and changed it myself. Far more polite to do this

The sister in law did ask for the receipt so she could change. It herself.The op and her husband don’t want to give her the receipt. They feel she hasn’t been appreciative enough.

Op, uou clearly state your sister in law said to get the black one. Why are you now saying she didn’t.

Happy families at Xmas.😔

[Lucey33]

Why do you keep mentioning clothes? Most people in my opinion wouldn't want orange trousers or a pure white coat. Adults cant always have what they want and things might not be affordable or in stock. It might be a little bit disappointing but that's life unfortunately and kids need to realise this from an early age. It's not like I'm being mean purposely buying my neice a toy I know she won't like. I'm fairly confident she'll love it, my Sil hasn't said otherwise, only that she herself doesn't like it, so I don't see the problem.

[roundaboutthetown]

Lucey33 - why did you say in your OP, "my sil said to get the black one," when you are now saying she didn't?

[Lucey33]

Sorry if I wrote that I don't know why I did because she didn't specify which one. I just ordered the black one as it was the first one I seen.

[roundaboutthetown]

In any event, it's probably your sil who will have to keep washing the filthy white toy. As for clothes - if you didn't want the orange trousers, you wouldn't buy them at all. Same with a little white toy dog, really.

[schoolgaterebel]

A white fur dancing jumping toy dog would get filthy, and as it's an electronic toy, impossible to wash.

Also children can be very specific, perhaps DN had her heart set on a little black puppy and this is the compromise.

I can understand why SIL only wants a black one, but then she should have specified this beforehand.

The fact that she is prepared to go and exchange it herself shows how important it is to her, I'd give her the toy & receipt and let her exchange it herself.

[exLtEveDallas]

If a child wants a specific thing, you are willing to buy that thing and you can afford to buy that thing, why wouldn’t you buy the thing the child wanted?

It’s not for you. It’s not for your SIL. It’s for the child. The ‘lovely little girl’ that has asked her mum for a black fur real cat. Why would you want to disappoint her?

[Lucey33]

Most of the presents I've bought my own children is through my own judgement. They don't write their letters to santa until December and as I like to have things boxed off early I just have a chat with them to gauge the type of toys they want and then shop around to find things I know they'll like. They've never got everything on their lists and some things have been out of stock so I've bought something similar isntead. I've never seen any dissapointment from them and they've always been happy with what they've got.

[Bluffinwithmymuffin]

This story sums up everything that's loathsome about mass Xmas present buying- sisters in law ringing round about what to buy, trips to Argos at the beginning of November, Christmas defined by the present giving bit and everyone's kids getting too much stuff, most of which they never play with. We scaled down the gift giving to our immediate family members and whoever you want to show appreciation to for whatever reason - elderly neighbour, piano teacher, good friends etc , about 15 years ago and Christmas has been much happier for everyone ever since.

[exLtEveDallas]

And you keep saying that you know better than her mum. You don’t actually know that your niece would be just as happy with a white and brown one as a black one - and with the best will in the world, her mum knows her better than you do!

[Lucey33]

My kids get a fare amount of gifts but I've never bought them everything on their list. Call me tight I don't care, but I'm teaching my kids that you can't always get everything you want. We always have a brilliant Christmas and the kids are treated to days out and have quality time with family so clearly my kids aren't deprived.

[larrygrylls]

And if she asked for a £5,000 working model Mercedes and you could easily afford it..,

There are lots of reasons to not get someone something just because they want it. Including not being prepared to spend an infinite amount of time looking for something in scarce supply.

Presents are things that should be given happily and willingly, not under conditions.

[Lucey33]

I'm not saying I know better then my Sil. What I said was my Sil hasn't actually said my neice wouldn't be happy with her presents. She said she doesn't like it. I do know my neice pretty well though. She is always coming over to my house to play with my dd's. My youngest has a fur real dog which my neice loves, and guess what, the dog is brown.

[roundaboutthetown]

Presents are in general a stupid way to show love.

[roundaboutthetown]

Especially if the giver thinks their purpose is to teach other that they can't always get what they want in life.

[Bowerbird5]

Christmas is weeks away can't you take it back and order a black one. White would get grubby quickly maybe that is why she said it especially if it can't be washed. £40 is very generous if you have that many neices and nephews.