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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unappreciative and rather cheeky

181 replies

Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:06

As Christmas is fast approaching I thought I'd call my sister in law to ask her if there was anything in particular my six year old neice wanted. I don't really like asking people what they want as I like to surprise them but my Sil is a bit weird and obsessive when it comes to Christmas and she will go round telling each family member specifically what she wants.

Anyway, she sent me a link to a present my neice wants. It was one of those fur real dog things. So I ordered it and went to collect it and the woman who served me said that they didn't have the exact one I'd ordered. The dog was the same except my Sil said to get the black one and the store only had the white in stock. I didn't think this would be a problem as like I said it was the same dog just a different colour. So I messaged my Sil to tell her and she messaged me back saying she didn't like this particular one. I explained the black one was out of stock at the store I was at and also out of stock everywhere else. I explained that the the features were exactly the same and just the colour was different and she said she's not giving It to my neice and I should take it back and get something else or give her the receipt and she will swap it when the one she wants comes back into stock.

Aibu to think this is really cheeky? My husband has gone mad saying I've bought her a lovely gift and our neice will be made up. I would never dream of telling someone I don't like your gift and I'm taking it back. Don't get me wrong i know our kids do end up with some tat they don't like quite as much as their other gifts and us adults too at times but that's life, but the gift I bought was £40 which is a lot for me to spend considering I have ten nieces and nephews. My husband is adamant we are not giving his sister the receipt so she can swap it and we will just give it to our neice on the day. I know she'll be happy. I reallt don't know what Sil's problem is and think she's being a spoiled selfish madam.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:30

Hippy, my dh would never buy me a coat as he hadn't a clue size wise and length (I'm really short lol) but if did and it fit and was comfy I'd be happy. I've honestly never returned a gift in my life because I'm not materialistic and if people go to the effort and put thought into buying me a gift I accept it and thank them.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/11/2017 08:31

My niece is a lovely kid and despite my Sil seriously over indulging her every year

Blimey, your judgey pants must be really causing you some discomfort. You may think she over indulges, she may think you under indulge. Judging someone’s parenting so negatively is unpleasant,

streetlife70s · 05/11/2017 08:31

WHAT I can't believe people here are asking the OP if she has kids and "ahhh that's just what six year olds are like" etc etc. I have a 6 year old OP if someone bought her a £40 xmas present and she said she didn't like it because it was the wrong colour she would be in serious trouble for being ungrateful and she knows it!

This ^

No wonder there are so many entitled people when parents utterly fail to teach kids basic gratitude. She’s SIX not a toddler. If someone asked me what my DD wanted I wouldn’t suggest something as expensive as £40 anyway, I’d buy it myself. And whatever someone else bought my kids I’d expect them to bloody grateful someone took the time and expense to get it for them.

YADNBU op

Ilovelampandchair · 05/11/2017 08:32

Lucey, just buy the white one then. I'm sure the mum will do her best to big it up for you.

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:33

He is usually laid back. He's not gone mad mad but thinks his sister is over reacting as like me he knows his neice and that she'll love her present. Sil can be a bit of a nightmare especially over Christmas and every year I've bought them nice things and he just feels she doesn't appreciate it.

OP posts:
Melony6 · 05/11/2017 08:36

I don'tthink SIL is just being stroppy or demanding I think she has a psychological issue which means Xmas must be perfect, or something along those lines. Who knows why, what was her childhood like?
I empathise a bit with her because I don't like buying presents as I don't think that people will really like them. I do buy presents but don't enjoy doing so, so I can understand her unreasonableness, though it is extreme.
I would humour her and feel sorry for her because no matter how hard she sets things up it is unlikely her Xmas will be what she wants, it's not that big a deal for you.

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:36

Everyone judges from time to time and I'd be surprised if anyone said they don't. I'm just being truthful about the fact my Sil over indulged which she's admitted herself. That's up to her though and I don't have s problem with this as my kids don't go without. What I do have a problem with is her telling me SHE doesn't like it as she's not told me my neice won't like it.

OP posts:
Saucery · 05/11/2017 08:36

Voucher then. Bit boring for a 6yr old on Christmas Morning but can’t be helped.

ittakes2 · 05/11/2017 08:36

You were concerned it was a problem, you rang your s'n'law and when she agreed it was a problem you are now unhappy? I'd give the black one with a receipt. For my 10 year old daughter the colour is still an issue - but maybe your niece will fall in love with the black one.

Kintan · 05/11/2017 08:36

I agree your SiL sounds a bit weird about Xmas - but why have your family put up with this? Your DH sounds like he’s reached the end of his tether with her behaviour - is it his sister? In your position I’d just return the toy and give a voucher, too much drama otherwise!

Melony6 · 05/11/2017 08:37

Is SIL the ignored middle child and DH the favoured eldest? Wink

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:38

As far as I know both her and my Dh had a really lovely childhood. From looking at family photos over the years they got a decent amount of gifts and my Dh said Christmas was always special.

OP posts:
dancinfeet · 05/11/2017 08:38

I would be inclined to think that it's because it's white - if your niece loves the toy and plays with it lots it will get grubby in no time.

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:40

That's exactly it Kitnan. He only has the one sister, no brothers so just the two of them. They're both treated the same by inlwas as far as I can tell. Like I said Dh is usually laid back but his sister has been like this for years and he's fed up of it.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 05/11/2017 08:40

Return it, get the money back.

Keep looking casually around for a black one in the run up to Christmas. If you see one, get it. If you don't, give cash to whatever you can afford.

I have to say however, OP, that I am seeing the SIL's point of view.

"My SIL wanted to know in the first week of November - bloody hell! - what the DCs want for Christmas. I told her what DD wants and she gets the wrong colour and says that "she can't get the other colour anywhere." Christmas isn't for SIX WEEKS, yet she has decreed that it won't be available in all that time and won't even try to change it, and DD will have to have the colour she doesn't want. I've even offered to change it myself but she refused. I know colours shouldn't matter but things like that are important to kids. Why do people make such a song and dance about asking what children want then not bother to get it? AIBU to tell her to stuff it?"

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/11/2017 08:41

Surely it depends on the child. Some children would be happy with the toy. Others are more interested in the detail. My dd was/is very specific about things. However, if you cannot get the exact same thing, an explanation beforehand or when she is opening it suffices. This teaches children resilience, to brook disappointment when the favoured toy is unavailable and not be rigidly expecting of having exactly what they want.

As you are her aunt and not her mother, you cannot habitually control this process. Unless you live some distance away, why are you not giving the present in person?

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:42

I messaged her just to let her know, thinking that it would be ok. Most people i know wouldn't think getting the same toy just in a different colour but does the exact same thing was an issue.

OP posts:
Frusso · 05/11/2017 08:42

Unfortunately one of my dc is very specific about toys. To even get dc to choose what they want is hard enough, to then receive the wrong colour/variation of something really would be the opening of hells gates, dc just cannot cope with it not being the one that was chosen.

I know it can come across at ungrateful, although my other dcs have no issues with that sort of thing. But for that dc it has to be that exact one, or something completely different. Dc would still do the “oh thankyou, best toy ever” response, but it wouldn’t be removed from the box.
The hatchimal for example, whilst your dd accepted the alternative, my dc wouldn’t have, we had to give dc an iou voucher for the one wanted, a different one just wouldn’t have been even looked at. The iou was.

Your dsis is trying to tell you this, she doesn’t want you to waste your money on something she knows will get a bad reception. It wouldnt harm you to return it and give a voucher or something else instead.

LizzieMacQueen · 05/11/2017 08:44

There's a reason why the black has sold out - it is massively more popular so it appears it is not just your niece that prefers the black one.

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:44

I only asked her so far in advance as I need to budget with having such a big family. I've not told her I won't swap it, I just said it's sold out everywhere. If it were me I'd just say ok thanks for buying it I'm sure he'll be happy, because I know my niece will be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:45

Fare enough. Well in that case then maybe my Sil should have specified only the black one will do before I bought it but she didn't. She simply said my niece likes these fur real dogs and would love one of these.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 05/11/2017 08:46

@Lucey33 I am sure most people will agree with you. You might be able to order it from Argos- I know they are supposed to be very popular gifts this year.
I bloody hate shopping to order. For this reason. If you are confident niece will like it then leave it. :)

PurpleMinionMummy · 05/11/2017 08:47

I remember many a Christmas when my mum would buy something slightly different to what I asked for and it was always a bit disappointing. When you have a set idea in your head anything different can be disappointing, especially at 6.

Original poster
Lucey33 · 05/11/2017 08:51

Well it must just be me then and my way of thinking. I've never had this problem with my own kids or for any other family member who's kids I've bought for in the past. I think I was last Christmas or the one before maybe, I bought my cousins little girl a doll. I can't think what the make was but it was a branded doll from Smyths. My cousin didn't specify whether to buy the girl or boy doll but when I asked her daughter she kind of said she'd like the boy doll. The boy doll was sold out everywhere. I even left it until three days before Christmas just to see if I could get one but no. So i bought the girl doll and she was so happy. She was 6/7 at the time so the same age as my neice now. Us parents aren't invincible and if something isn't available or out of stock then the child can't have it simple as that. Surely we should teach children to be grateful for what they get.

OP posts:
NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 05/11/2017 08:51

Don’t you see though? If her DD has been asking for a black one all along and she ends up with a white one then sure, she may like it but not as much as the one she wanted. If I had my heart set on a red coat and my DH bought be a green one I would be disappointed, would I show it? Probably not. Your sil wants to get get a black dog, she could get it herself but you asked what your niece wanted so she gave that you for you to sort out. There are 6/7 weeks until Christmas so it may come back in stock, if it’s too much trouble for you to look out for one, get a refund, tell your sil so she can get it and get your DN something else. Why ask what she wants if you’re not going to get it.