Unappreciative and rather cheeky

[Lucey33]

As Christmas is fast approaching I thought I'd call my sister in law to ask her if there was anything in particular my six year old neice wanted. I don't really like asking people what they want as I like to surprise them but my Sil is a bit weird and obsessive when it comes to Christmas and she will go round telling each family member specifically what she wants.

Anyway, she sent me a link to a present my neice wants. It was one of those fur real dog things. So I ordered it and went to collect it and the woman who served me said that they didn't have the exact one I'd ordered. The dog was the same except my Sil said to get the black one and the store only had the white in stock. I didn't think this would be a problem as like I said it was the same dog just a different colour. So I messaged my Sil to tell her and she messaged me back saying she didn't like this particular one. I explained the black one was out of stock at the store I was at and also out of stock everywhere else. I explained that the the features were exactly the same and just the colour was different and she said she's not giving It to my neice and I should take it back and get something else or give her the receipt and she will swap it when the one she wants comes back into stock.

Aibu to think this is really cheeky? My husband has gone mad saying I've bought her a lovely gift and our neice will be made up. I would never dream of telling someone I don't like your gift and I'm taking it back. Don't get me wrong i know our kids do end up with some tat they don't like quite as much as their other gifts and us adults too at times but that's life, but the gift I bought was £40 which is a lot for me to spend considering I have ten nieces and nephews. My husband is adamant we are not giving his sister the receipt so she can swap it and we will just give it to our neice on the day. I know she'll be happy. I reallt don't know what Sil's problem is and think she's being a spoiled selfish madam.

[KC225]

Wrap it up and do t think anything more about it. If you SIL doesn't like it,your SIL doesn't have to play with it. What you have enough her is a wonderful gift and when your nice opens it I sure she will be delighted. For all the people saying but the wrong colour is the end of the world for a 6 year old.......... Come on, seriously.

[Lucey33]

Yes but you got over it surely. My kids write a letter to santa like most other kids but they don't expect to get every single thing on their list. I make sure they get a fare amount and especially the ole thing they most want (if it's in stock) but they don't get everything they ask for and personally I think this is a good thing.

[roundaboutthetown]

Your sil specified the black one - you said so yourself. Refusing to give her the receipt so she can't change it is childish and petty. If you don't like her being childish and petty, then don't join in. And fwiw, if I wanted something in black, I would hate it in white. White shows the dirt really quickly. The fact that black is sold out and there are tonnes of little white dogs available says it all, really.

[Ilovelampandchair]

OP it's clearly killing you to consider trying to find the black one so just go ahead with your plan. And stop using the situation to create a narrative about what a dick/bad parent your SIL is.

[BalloonSlayer]

From the OP
The dog was the same except my Sil said to get the black one and the store only had the white in stock. I didn't think this would be a problem as like I said it was the same dog just a different colour. So I messaged my Sil to tell her and she messaged me back saying she didn't like this particular one.

From your recent post:
Well in that case then maybe my Sil should have specified only the black one will do before I bought it but she didn't. She simply said my niece likes these fur real dogs and would love one of these.

[diddl]

If SIL didn't specify, why did you check after you had got it?

What colour did you order?

[Lucey33]

Well I guess there are some really spoiled people on here. We are not talking about a jacket. I personally would never buy a white jacket, and yes, because it would get dirty, but we are talking about a toy here. Toys do get marks on them, chips, dents etc regardless of the colour.

[Lucey33]

I don't know why I now did to be honest. I guess it was just to let her no I'd bought it so she could check it off her maticuloisly written list. I honestly didn't expect her to reply the way she did.

[Lucey33]

I ordered the black one as it was in stock online but then when I went to collect it they gave me a white one as the black was out of stock. It's white and brown really and is really sweet.

[larrygrylls]

This thread has taken my breath away.

Have parents actually entirely given up parenting, as in trying to bring up nice, balanced educated adults.

The niece is a Veruca Salt (or at least the mother is). She needs to learn to be appreciative that someone has made an effort to get them a nice present and the effort has to be acknowledged.

I teach my children that the only correct response to being given a present is to smile, say ‘thank you very much’ and at least look as if they mean it. I also teach them that thoughts are free and they can think whatever they want.

I what world is it ok to be disappointed if you don’t get exactly what you want down to the last detail? That attitude will lead to a very sad life.

[roundaboutthetown]

And a lot of people would consider it helpful to be told what their relatives' children would actually like for Christmas, so that money doesn't have to be wasted. You just have different ways of doing things - enough of your sense of superiority about liking to surprise people, please.

[Lethaldrizzle]

I teach my kids to be grateful for whatever they're given. The sil and her 6 year old both sound spoilt.

[bufin]

I learnt as a child to be grateful for anything, even though it wasn't what I wanted.

It's not the best lesson to learn in life.

[Lucey33]

To be honest my neice is a lovely little girl and she's always been made up with our gifts. To be honest if this wa such an important gift maybe my Sil should have bought it herself and I could have bought something else on her list.

[margaritasbythesea]

IF I was your SIL I would have asked for a gift receipt and changed it myself. Far more polite to do this.

However, I have a very particular DC too and I understand that if I gave him a white dog and he wanted the black one, it would be exactly as if he had been given nothing at all and he would carry on wanting the black one. People buy him stuff all the time that there is no chane he will ever play with. I just smile and say thanks, and have taught him to do the same, but my heart does sink for him.

Having said that, the stuff he particularly wants, I tend to buy for him.

[roundaboutthetown]

Loads of money is wasted on presents to people every Christmas. It's ridiculous. It's all just stuff nobody needs. Of course children should be taught that they must always say thank you and appreciate the thought that has gone into it. However, you either like something or you don't and if you do not like it, then it was either a waste of money because you daren't get rid of it in case they giver notices, or will just be recycled as a present to someone else, or given to a charity shop. None of it is needed in the first place. That's £40 potentially wasted. There are better ways of showing you love someone.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Also i'm pretty sure she woukd have grown to love the white one. It's a good age to learn that life isn't perfect! I never ask anyone want they want and I don't like people asking me! I tell them the kids age and that's it. They can use their imagination

[roundaboutthetown]

So, either get what she wants, or give her the receipt to change it, or get something else altogether. Don't get her something you know is not wanted, that's just idiotic.

[larrygrylls]

Round,

Why is the money wasted if the gift is recycled or it goes to a charity shop?

That money has gone into the economy usefully.

I do, however, think kids have too many possessions these days which are ‘must haves’ one minute and discarded the next. Not much to be done about that, though.

[Lucey33]

I get what you're saying I do. But it's not as though I bought my niece something completely different or a cheaper present. It's just the colour is different. The damn dog dog still barks, moves and jumps around.

[Hoppinggreen]

Your Sil is rude I agree
However, we have had a similar experience where someone asked what DD wanted and I told them ( if they weren't going to get it for her I would have) but then they got the wrong one.
DD was polite ( as was I) but I think that if you have asked and a specific request has been mad enough then that's what you should get or go for plan B if that's not possible
And yes, if a 6 year old asks for the black dog then they want the black dog, doesn't mean they are a brat, it just means that's the one they wanted specifically

[larrygrylls]

I also agree with lethal that parents can shape a child’s attitude to presents.

My boys got quite a lot of use out of a ‘girl’s toy’ obviously given in error, and it allowed for a good conversation about how a toy was just a toy and pink was just a colour.

[Lucey33]

I don't like asking either and to be honest the only person I do ask now is my Sil and my mum and dad. My own sister and brother trust my judgement and as long as the gifts i buy their kids are age appropriate then they are happy.

[roundaboutthetown]

larrygrylls - read what I actually wrote. I said either it is wasted because it is kept for fear of the giver noticing its absence, OR it is given away.