Unappreciative and rather cheeky

[Lucey33]

As Christmas is fast approaching I thought I'd call my sister in law to ask her if there was anything in particular my six year old neice wanted. I don't really like asking people what they want as I like to surprise them but my Sil is a bit weird and obsessive when it comes to Christmas and she will go round telling each family member specifically what she wants.

Anyway, she sent me a link to a present my neice wants. It was one of those fur real dog things. So I ordered it and went to collect it and the woman who served me said that they didn't have the exact one I'd ordered. The dog was the same except my Sil said to get the black one and the store only had the white in stock. I didn't think this would be a problem as like I said it was the same dog just a different colour. So I messaged my Sil to tell her and she messaged me back saying she didn't like this particular one. I explained the black one was out of stock at the store I was at and also out of stock everywhere else. I explained that the the features were exactly the same and just the colour was different and she said she's not giving It to my neice and I should take it back and get something else or give her the receipt and she will swap it when the one she wants comes back into stock.

Aibu to think this is really cheeky? My husband has gone mad saying I've bought her a lovely gift and our neice will be made up. I would never dream of telling someone I don't like your gift and I'm taking it back. Don't get me wrong i know our kids do end up with some tat they don't like quite as much as their other gifts and us adults too at times but that's life, but the gift I bought was £40 which is a lot for me to spend considering I have ten nieces and nephews. My husband is adamant we are not giving his sister the receipt so she can swap it and we will just give it to our neice on the day. I know she'll be happy. I reallt don't know what Sil's problem is and think she's being a spoiled selfish madam.

I'm not saying I know better then my Sil

Yes you are. That’s exactly what you are doing. You asked, your SIL answered but you are determined to make an issue of it.

Why did you bother to ask? Because to me it seems you just want another stick to beat your SIL over the head with. You don’t like her, you speak disparagingly of her and you are taking it out on the kid. Well done.

That's exactly it larrygrylls. I've always thought even if I was really well off I still wouldn't buy my kids everything they want. My parents worked their fingers to the bone, very often sacrificing family time, just so that me, my brother and sister all had a huge mountain of presents to open on Christmas Day. My brother and sister loved it and whilst is loved most of my presents I remembered still sitting on the living room floor an hour later still unwrapping and very often I ended up bored. Don't get me wrong looking back now I appreciated how hard my parents worked to make sure we didn't go without but it was too much.

I didn't say my neice was spoiled. What I said was my Sil over indulges, but that doesn't mean she's spoiled. Being spoiled means stomping your little feet and having tantrums because you can't have something. My niece doesn't do that.

You've totally changed your story OP.

I admire people who know exactly what they want, it's not greedy, it's the opposite of greedy.

I ordered the black do. It wasn't available. If it were I'd have bought it.

How can i buy a toy that's not in stock anywhere!

Sometimes what person thinks is the primary feature of a thing (furry electronic dog) isn't what someone else thinks is the primary feature (toy dog that looks just like Mrs Smith's dog at number 11).

I agree that in general children - and indeed adults - should be grateful for what they are actually given and not compare to what could have been given instead. But I think that if someone suggests a particular thing then you do need to be equally exact. If SIL had said "oh whatever the hot toy is this year" or " she's obsessed with dogs", then it wouldn't have mattered a bit which colour you got.

I agree with pps that there is something else going on with SIL and DH, even if it's all in her head and DH is oblivious. Maybe he always got exactly the right thing and she always got a similar/identical haul that was always not quite right ... or indeed vice versa.

Even if it is all in her head, can't you be kind? If she had a medical aversion to loud artificial sounds would you buy DN noisy toys she'd love?

I think in future it might be prudent to agree that you'll get something on a theme but don't want to be responsible for a headline gift. Maybe you could have a tradition that Uncle DH and Aunty Lucey always get DN new pyjamas/onesie/duvet cover for Christmas, then you only need to check in with SIL for size and favourite characters/ colours of the moment. That could bridge the gap between SIL's needing to know what's coming, and your liking to do more exploratory shopping.

Knowing what you want isn't greedy I agree. But if someone buys you something slightly different because the thing you wanted wasn't available then surely you should just say oh ok it can't be helped thank you.

How can you not give your sil the receipt?!

In that case no I wouldn't buy a noisy toy.

'I admire people who know exactly what they want, it's not greedy, it's the opposite of greedy.'

I just don't get this at all. It is entitled, end of story really. You cannot just take one thing in isolation. The kid who will be devastated about getting the wrong colour dog at Christmas will also be devastated at:

Not getting the drama prize because they worked hard and really really wanted it.

Not being selected to answer a question in class even though they really really wanted to, despite the fact that there are 29 other people in the same class.

Not being given the job that that they really really wanted, despite there being other better qualified candidates.

If you don't see that being disappointed over the wrong colour £40.00 dog from a loving aunt is a problem, you need to start looking at how children behave in classrooms and wondering if there is any connection (clue: there is).

Give your SIL the bloody receipt and she can try and change it and then wrap it. Job done! All this fuss over nothing.

I probably will just give it to her because I can't be doing with her acting like a child pulling her face but I'm not happy about it. I would never dream of asking someone for a receipt so I could swap a gift that they had bought my child.

Such a big song and dance that you are making entirely unnecessarily about a receipt. I have to wonder why.

I think op it is more than the issue of the black dog rather than the white. I think you both think SIL is weird and demanding and effectively her obsessive behaviour is allowing her to dictate to the teeniest degree what people give and receive for Christmas.

Going against the grain, she is rude, rude, rude. You have gone to the trouble to try your very best to get your niece the present she desires and if your SIL felt it was so very important, then she should have damn well bought it herself. Possibly she couldn't of course because it was out of stock.

I would speak to her again, go along with what she wants, but make it clear that it is the last time you will ask and the last time you will spend this amount of money. Leave her in no doubt of your feelings. What about your other nephews and nieces, are they that difficult to buy for? Crikey, it must be a minefield.

Don't give sil any more headspace. Don't let her anxieties spoil things for you.

larrygrylls I understand that you don't get it, many will though.

I have just messaged my Sil asking if she still wants to swap it and will my neice really not like the white one. She replied that my niece would like it but she doesn't. Oh and that she'll call round tomorrow morning to pick the receipt up! I honestly can't get over the cheek of her.

I really don't think an auntie should be responsible for sourcing big ticket Christmas presents that are in limited supply by early November.

Particularly when that auntie is not the sister of the mum or dad, but the wife of the brother of the mum. Why can't he deal with it? Especially as you said you've got lots of nieces and nephews!

She replied that my niece would like it but she doesn't

Absolute bullocks. You’ve jumped the shark now OP

I just like sorting Christmas myself and have done for years. Plus my Dh works a lot and would leave things to the last minute.