AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to ask your wedding guests to pay for your honeymoon?

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I'd be really interested to hear what people think. We've had a few wedding invites recently where the bride and groom have written a lovely little poem about how they have everything they want so could guests contribute to their honeymoon.

Most recently was something along the lines if:
"Please no children, we hope you understand, our wedding day might get quite out of hand, please do rock up to the evening do, and helping out with the honeymoon would be so kind of you." Sooo - whole family not invited, not important enough to come to the wedding itself, but please do still help pay for our honeymoon.

My OH and I are planning to get married in 2019 and have already decided we are going to explicitly say 'no presents' on the invite i.e. 'it's cost you all a fortune to travel here and stay overnight, so that's our present thanks, we're quite alright'.

I don't know why it narks me so much. I'm not bothered about wedding lists or where you just bring a present or drop some money into a box, so why does asking to contribute to the honeymoon annoy me so much? And AIBU?

My DM has always been of the view that it's "not the done thing". I think it depends how it's worded but yes possibly a bit cheeky

The naff poem would probably irritate me more than asking for cash!

I reckon drunk people would cause more trouble than kids anyway!

I don't like the idea really. So in such a situation I would probably just give a card.

Maybe it's just me because I'm not a huge wedding fan but I'd be asking for nothing or a charity donation at most if I were ever to have a wedding.

I think it's mostly because people find it so awkward to ask for money

I wonder why!?!

If it is so awkward then there is a reason - because it isn't polite. Why do presents need to be referred to at all at the invitation stage? Have a list ready should you wish, but only offer it IF guests asked. Most people will ask time, so a much more polite way forward surely.

You'll probably get presents anyway. Just crap you don't want. Endless photo frames etc

A wedding isn't a transaction (invitation=gift of our choice in return) it's a celebration. Give what you like.

Also if the ceremony is in a church, anyone can attend so 'Please no children, we hope you understand, our wedding day might get quite out of hand' doesn't stand.

In my opinion I would much rather know what the couple want than buy a random gift. Poems however I don’t like. No idea why, just seem a bit cringe!

I hate it when people ask for cash. To the point when I will probably not go.
I do, however, love it when you buy 'experiences' (i.e. Breakfast on day#3, or an activity) for the honeymoon as I would rather buy something specific than unwanted stuff.

(I feel the same about birthday gifts, coincidentally, and hate the fact that I am expected to 'look grateful' when my request for no presents has been ignored by family and friends AGAIN. I'd much rather you bought me a glass of wine, if you feel the need to offer me anything).

When we were married, we said no presents, (two houses and lived in a pub, so needed nothing) and we did receive an awful lot of tat. (My personal worst was in matching toaster and kettle with faces on them from MIL.)

The local charity shops were happy to take it all off our hands though. I can't help thinking it's all such a waste and driving the consumerism trends. The world is being killed by unwanted kindness.

Travel vouchers towards the honeymoon is fine I think, for those who want to give but not hard cash.

I think it is entirely sensible and acceptable, nowadays. How many toasters does one couple need? Mostly, I have found, that there is a list of "outings" or such like, with variable prices, going down to quite "economy prices" matching, for example, a blasted toaster! - which one can contribute to, and I have done so several times over the last few years and received lovely thank you's and a picture of their outing, which was lovely. I can't see the problem at all?

We asked for money against our honeymoon but we supplied our booking ref and the people that wanted to, generously gave us money paid against our honeymoon booking directly with the travel agent. Im aweful with clutter items around my house. We had 80 guests and although I did not expect presents. I couldn't handle having items that I would have no where to keep. I thought it was a good idea as the people that generously paid some money towards our honeymoon was helping us to make our honeymoon special. Which it was. X

Some friends said that they didn't want presents but if we wanted to contribute towards a honeymoon, it would be great. They had a very low key wedding as they didn't have much money so I was happy to contribute as otherwise they wouldn't have had a honeymoon. However, if they'd written a naff poem I may have never spoken to them again!

We didn't do any sort of poem but did ask for contributions towards our honeymoon through a company called Travel counsellors - in reality we paid for the honeymoon but the money that they contributed paid some of it off. We had an amazing honeymoon & much preferred it to getting a load of presents.

Don’t particularly see the problem. Most couples live together so have all the toasters and towels they could ever need and I for one couldn’t have afforded paying for the wedding and a holiday afterwards! I said ‘presence before presents’ but a donation to our honey moon would be lovely if you are feeling generous.

People who wanted to buy gifts for us brought gifts, and it was lovely because they knew what we would like so we got a few excellent gifts and a great holiday, which has been the only one we have been able to afford since. So I’m thankful for everyone who helped pay fo some time away.

Also there wasn’t anything to specifically do or pay for on our honey moon, it was all inclusive. So asking people to pay for certain ‘bits’ of it wouldn’t have worked and I think ends up costing people more.

I have the attitude, if you don’t like it get them a gift. I don’t think the bride and groom will really mind either way.

I think it’s rude to ask for money. Like us, most people now are already living together and have no need for more stuff. We put in our wedding invites that we already had everything we needed and that the best gift would be seeing people on our wedding day. We then suggested a couple of charities that people could contribute to if they wanted to do something. The last two weddings we’ve been to (this year and three years ago) both did the same. For both of those we’d had to travel (within UK) and spend money on accommodation so we just gave a card to each. Both times we received a lovely thank you note back thanking us for being there at the wedding, which is what we did for our guests too.

'Nobody has answered my question about our register office only accommodating 40 people yet, btw. I suspect it's because there is no answer other than find another £5k for a bigger venue and to feed more people all day, or just not invite any friends. Neither seem preferable to having a "two tier" day.'

Simple, we had 50 people to our wedding at 3.30pm (in a church which would have held 150) and then walked across the road to the pub where we had an afternoon tea buffet reception for everyone. It was brilliant fun, and we had so many comments about how well it had worked - particularly as it meant no one had to fork out for overnight accommodation.

Total cost of entire wedding, including honeymoon, £4000.

Terribly presumptuous to make any mention of gifts in an invitation.

Bridge and groom say nothing, the guest either 1. gives nothing 2. gives cash 2. asks around. That's the proper way of doing it.

To be honest I'd rather give the couple something they actually wanted rather than waste my money on buying useless tat or something they already have so I don't have a problem with honeymoon contributions.

Surely everyone attending a wedding would buy a present? If the B and G already own a house then a hey won’t need a wedding list so contributing to their honeymoon seems a sensible idea and not grabby —hate that word— in the slightest.

Surely everyone attending a wedding would buy a present? If the B and G already own a house then a hey won’t need a wedding list so contributing to their honeymoon seems a sensible idea and not grabby —hate that word— in the slightest.

It's terribly churlish to go to a wedding empty handed, but equally so dictate the terms of the gift.

Isn't it best just to say nothing? It's not as though someone who is inclined to give cash will interpret that the absence of a poem as a request for figurines or pottery or similar; surely they'll still give cash.

I'm happy to say that people's presence will be present enough at our wedding, and we're going to nominate a charity that means something to both DP and me. I would prefer to say that if people still want to get us something then a donation to the honeymoon would be wonderful but DP has kiboshed that idea. I think we'll end up with loads of wine and vases lol.

We got married later in life and have kids, we did a honeymoon contribution on our wedding invites.

We also said no kids... not because our friends kids aren't important, but when we wrote the list of friends we would like to invite, that would have included 20 kids. It would have been quite full on, the parents not able to relax and yes - it would have meant a kids entertainer or something. The parents among the gang were (I think) grateful for a night off.

We already have two toasters so didn't want more stuff, at our age experience is more important than things and we don't go on holiday normally, so a honeymoon meant a lot to us.

But if you’ve got a house that’s kitted out you wouldn’t want anymore stuff surely? I have no problem with giving the B and G the money for whatever they want in that case.