AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to ask your wedding guests to pay for your honeymoon?

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

I'd be really interested to hear what people think. We've had a few wedding invites recently where the bride and groom have written a lovely little poem about how they have everything they want so could guests contribute to their honeymoon.

Most recently was something along the lines if:
"Please no children, we hope you understand, our wedding day might get quite out of hand, please do rock up to the evening do, and helping out with the honeymoon would be so kind of you." Sooo - whole family not invited, not important enough to come to the wedding itself, but please do still help pay for our honeymoon.

My OH and I are planning to get married in 2019 and have already decided we are going to explicitly say 'no presents' on the invite i.e. 'it's cost you all a fortune to travel here and stay overnight, so that's our present thanks, we're quite alright'.

I don't know why it narks me so much. I'm not bothered about wedding lists or where you just bring a present or drop some money into a box, so why does asking to contribute to the honeymoon annoy me so much? And AIBU?

Reading this thread has made me feel less unreasonable about my feelings towards an invitation that I received this year..

An evening only invite, to the 2nd marriage of a family member, with a poem asking for cash...Received 12 MONTHS away from the wedding date...with no rsvp by date...

Im no wizz on ettiquette...but I cant help feeling that this really misses the mark.

YABU about them asking for cash. What did you want to do? Buy them a toaster? It's an easy gift. I love it when people just want cash.

YANBU about them using a twee poem asking for money.

'An evening only invite, to the 2nd marriage of a family member, with a poem asking for cash...Received 12 MONTHS away from the wedding date...with no rsvp by date...

Im no wizz on ettiquette...but I cant help feeling that this really misses the mark.'

You win! That takes the prize for tacky. Please tell me you will decline.

Expatinscotland...yes declined..
I`ve been feeling uncomfortably judgy for a long time about this, and wondered if it was just me...thank you for sharing your view too

Poems are irritating but it’s just people trying to politely say ‘I don’t want loads of bottles of champagne or silver photo frames, so if you must give a gift we’d rather choose it ourselves, cheers’

Thing is, I honestly don't see how something like that can be said without sounding rude; however it's phrased it's still implying "I don't trust you to get it right so please just do it my way"

As I mentioned upthread - and it's funny that nobody's picked up on this - why ask at all, when the vast majority now seem to just give money anyway?

Maybe they sent the invitations out ASAP, so people can plan ahead, get better rates on hotel rooms and travel, book annual leave etc etc

It seems to me that some people can't help but see the worst in others. It must be quite tiring to feel so affronted so frequently.

'Maybe they sent the invitations out ASAP, so people can plan ahead, get better rates on hotel rooms and travel, book annual leave etc etc confused

It seems to me that some people can't help but see the worst in others. It must be quite tiring to feel so affronted so frequently.'

People seriously expect others to book hotels and travel and take leave to come to the evening do of a second wedding and give them money, too?! That's seriously entitled.

Re your own wedding if you say no presents you will get a load of random presents you don't want.

They'd be much better just writing "We would be so delighted if you can join us on our wedding day and please do not feel obliged to buy us a gift. We are not at the stage of setting up home for the first time and have most household items. However, if you would like to give a gift, we'd prefer cash which could be put towards our honeymoon."

I think you're being snobby about it. It's no different to any other wedding list. You're not forced to buy a present if you don't want to, or you can go off list if you want to - just like any other wedding.

I think it's fine too, times change, and newlyweds aren't usually setting up their first home nowadays. I don't mind being given guidance either, you know you are going to give something so it saves the hassle of asking, anything that makes being a guest easier is a good thing IMO and saves awkwardness. No children is fine with me too.

We had lived together for a couple of years and had merged two homes so definitely had plenty of glasses, towels etc. We told people we didn’t want or need for anything. We still got some gifts and some vouchers. I find it tacky when people ask their wedding guests to pay for their honeymoon.

I love it when people say this-saves the night of present buying- make transfer them down cash, they get what they want, instead of lots of stuff they don’t-I don’t see the issue.
Except with stupid poems-just say on the invite-‘please no gifts but if you insist, a contribution to our honeymoon would be great’-done

I would be really upset to be asked to contribute to someone else's honeymoon. I didn't get to have a honeymoon myself because money was too tight, so why on earth should I be expected to pay towards someone else's?

but you are happy to buy them champagne flutes (or whatever saucepan) that you can't afford either?

'but you are happy to buy them champagne flutes (or whatever saucepan) that you can't afford either? confused'

They may not be nearly as expensive at what people think is acceptable for a cash gift.

You don't want others to have a honeymoon because you didn't have one, treaclesoda?

That's a little bit mean spirited.

when you buy items from a gift list, you do know how much they are.
It's a bit rude to bring random items as a wedding gift I think. You don't agree with the bride and groom taste, so you chose something better?
not really the point of a gift.

but you are happy to buy them champagne flutes (or whatever saucepan) that you can't afford either?

I didn't say anything about not being able to afford a present

I said that when I got married I couldn't afford a honeymoon, so I would find it rather upsetting to be asked to pay for someone else's.

Wedding presents were traditionally to buy things to set up home. If you've been living together for five years you clearly don't need another toaster, so obviously I wouldn't buy someone something that they'd find useless. I might even stick cash in an envelope.

But it's unbelievably cheeky to say 'we really fancy a holiday in Mexico but can only afford a tent in the Lake District. So we'd like to give you the honour of helping to pay for Mexico.'

Also, with traditional gifts it is a lot easier to factor in people's differing budgets. Whereas with cash, a large sum seems to be expected.

You don't want others to have a honeymoon because you didn't have one, treaclesoda?

I don't see how it's meanspirited? It's not that I don't want other people to have a honeymoon, it's that I wouldn't want to have to pay towards it.

Irish, so am used to putting between €100 and €200 in a card at every wedding we go to. For my own wedding though (whenever that will be) I plan to put in a note asking for no gifts.

There was a show on in Ireland during the height of the Celtic Tiger about ways to be savvy with money. One of the tips on it was to invite as many people to your wedding as you could because the money you'd receive as a present would cover the cost of your day and give you enough for a honeymoon or towards a house deposit. It still leaves a sour taste in my mouth and for me, I now link asking for money with everything that your wedding day shouldn't be about.

We didn’t mention gifts on the invites for our v recent wedding. We did however make a passing (non-rhyming) comment on the “gift list” section of our wedding website* that people’s attendance was gift enough, but if they wished to give a gift we would greatly appreciate contributions towards our honeymoon. Both MIL and my Mum got requests from guests about what we “were doing about presents” and were told the above. I would’ve loved to have done a travel gift list as mentioned above, but we’ve not been able to decide on a date or even location for our honeymoon as DH is getting deployed.

I don’t think there’s a polite way to ask for cash, but realistically the only couples I’ve know doing gift lists are religious ones who’re also properly setting up home together straight after the wedding. Cash is the default now.

treacle I am really sorry you didn't get a honeymoon, but assuming you only attend weddings of friends and family why wouldn't you want them to have something nice? Particularly if you know that not having it doesn't make you feel good?

treacle I am really sorry you didn't get a honeymoon, but assuming you only attend weddings of friends and family why wouldn't you want them to have something nice?

I am happy for them to have something nice. But I'm not happy about being asked to pay for someone else's holiday of a lifetime. I'm ok with giving someone cash as a gift (although I do think it's pretty cheeky to actually ask for cold hard cash) and obviously once that is handed over then it belongs to the person it was given to, and they can spend it however they choose.

But actually asking outright for money to spend on a honeymoon is just such a kick in the face. The majority of guests over the age of about 50 are not going to have honeymooned in the Maldives for a fortnight, they'll probably have had a weekend in Paris or a week in Spain. I think it's awful to outright ask people who will never get to travel to where you intend to go, to pay for it.

How do you know they don't want a modest honeymoon?!! Why assume the Maldives?!

My DP's sister got married last week...they've spent the gift money on a week in the Lochs. Is that more acceptable to you?