Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

To not want to be seen out with DP

188 replies

BhajiAllTheWay · 04/11/2017 10:42

Here's the thing..I know clothes shouldn't make a difference but...I'm really embarrassed by how he dresses. He will wear baggy ripped joggers ( not actual in fashion, just torn), nylon jackets..baseball cap (because he likes them). Its not a money issue as he could afford some new gear. I even bought him a gift card at Xmas and he said he'd buy some new gear. No idea what happened to it but he didn't. I work in a professional job and am by no means a fashionista but I do dress smart. I honestly dread bumping into anyone I know. He is downright scruffy. AIBU? I've complimented him loads when he does look smart e.g. we went to a family wedding ( his side). He looked great. Next day he was in jeans with a hole big enough to put your head through..maybe I'm not worth making the effort for?? He was proud that his uncle had given him some jumpers so hed not have buy anything. (they were tatty)I honestly don't know what to make of it.

OP posts:

Dozer · 06/11/2017 18:13

My DF almost always wears the same old scruffy - but clean and not ripped - clothing. Sometimes including tracksuit bottoms and hoodies. When my mother met him he was in uniform and she didn’t fully realise until he changed jobs 15 years later! It still drives her crazy. Also nags him to shave (he always showers!) I think she’s a bit U but can see both sides.

He is a minimalist generally, doesn’t care about clothes or “stuff in general”, but there is also a big element of poor self esteem and self care. For work he had bog standard trouser suits. He will wear what he’s told for evening meals out or events like weddings.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 06/11/2017 18:14

Oh come on. The OP's not talking about different taste or favourite clothes or anything like that. Her partner looks like he's on Shameless and she's fed up of it.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 06/11/2017 18:14

Oh come on. This isn't anything to do with different taste or favourite clothes. He's dressing in clothes that should be in the bin.

AngelsSins · 06/11/2017 18:29

So no wonder it's shallow to want to be physically attracted to your partner?! Isn't that what the whole of humanity (and animal kingdom for that matter) relies on, finding each other attractive?

MsHarry · 06/11/2017 18:30

That's not shallow. I am attracted to my DH, wouldn't be with him otherwise. That's not unusual is it? Doesn't mean anyone else is attracted to him though lol!

Lifeisacircus · 06/11/2017 18:31

I have this problem too. The clothes usually end up "dissappearing" or get "chewed up" by the washing machine or my new favourite "feel apart".

AngelsSins · 06/11/2017 18:33

*so now it's shallow, not no wonder!

SandyY2K · 06/11/2017 18:36

YANBU

I wouldn't go out with a scruff either.

PumpkinSquash · 06/11/2017 18:41

*My DH doesn't like what I wear, he says I'm a scruff, and he's embarrassed by me. He's taken to hiding my clothes he doesn't like, and when I ask where it's gone, he says "you got rid of that ages ago, remember?"
His friends think he should just have a bonfire with some of my clothes.
AIBU or is he?

(Of course the answers would be the same as the ones on this thread if that was the case. If you all say so. 0

Ifailed · 07/11/2017 07:09

It would seem that many posters aren't so much attracted to their DH/DP, but the clothes they wear. Why not ditch them, and get a manikin? You can dress them how you like and they wont leave the toilet seat up.

Shadow666 · 07/11/2017 07:16

I don't see how it's about attractiveness. If I was going to the shop with my parents wearing no bra, a stain on my top and a big hole in my trousers they'd tell me to go and get changed. They still love me, just they'd be embarrassed to be seen with me like that.

Shadow666 · 07/11/2017 07:19

Also, if I notice my kids' clothes are tatty, stained or don't fit properly I chuck them out. I wouldn't chuck a partner's clothes out but I'd hope they could notice on their own that these clothes are past their best and get themselves some new stuff.

KarmaNoMore · 07/11/2017 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinSquash · 07/11/2017 08:18

Pumpkin, my answers would be exactly the same.

Oh give over, there's been threads from blokes about stuff like this and they get ripped to shreds.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/11/2017 08:35

Some of us have managed to land men that are funny and entertaining to have around ... and they look good. Remarkable, I know.

PumpkinSquash · 07/11/2017 09:39

I don't understand how people of either sex can take so very little care of their appearance and then be complaining that the person they are with is loosing interest in their relationship,
Well, I don't understand why somebody who professes to love their partner would lose interest in them if they didn't dress a certain way or dress "smart" enough for them.
If you love them, you love them. They're not a dolly to dress up and down every day. Get yourself a Ken or Barbie doll to play with if that's what you're into.

midnightmisssuki · 07/11/2017 10:18

YANBU - i couldnt be with someone like this. Have you asked him why he dresses like this? Could it be he doesnt know how to shop/what to shop for etc?

WizardOfToss · 07/11/2017 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneEyre70 · 07/11/2017 10:51

My DH is an absolute nightmare with clothes - he barely has any as they have to "feel" right. As a result, what he does buy is washed/worn constantly and just doesn't last. His clothes are always clean but don't look great and his latest purchases are these truly hideous golf trousers that are a beigey/grey and made from nylony all weather stuff. As he's got very long bandy legs, they just look awful on him and because he likes the feel of the bloody things, he wears them all the time . I like getting dressed up when going out etc and I do feel embarassed by him, especially as he could afford far better. But as I know how hard it is for him to buy clothes in the first place, I chose my battles.

doobeydoo · 07/11/2017 10:52

My dh was like this (baggy sweaters, ripped joggers) and I told him that I think it is sort of part of our duty to add to the general beauty of the world and to be pleasing to those around us. And also that I found him more attractive when he dressed more sharply, and that it pleased his family to see him looking sharp and well. He got the message and I have no regrets or guilt about it. You're not exactly crushing his self-expression or individuality by asking him to make more of an effort, NOR is looking well the preserve of those not 'in the ghetto' or 'from the cast of Shameless' or whatever other snobbish references posters have made.

Cockmagic · 07/11/2017 10:54

I can see both sides.

Does he have depression?

As I suffer from depression and when not working scrape hair back and Wear old comfy clothes, I suppose they could be described as scruffy.

PumpkinSquash · 07/11/2017 14:38

I told him that I think it is sort of part of our duty to add to the general beauty of the world and to be pleasing to those around us

Sorry. As you were.

doobeydoo · 07/11/2017 14:45

PumpkinSquash in a tongue-in-cheek way but with a grain of truth. Why the hell not? Its nice to look nice! Who doesn't want to look at nice things rather than ugly things? Why do people go on holidays to beautiful places instead of ugly places?

GoulishGoblinPumpkinSnatcher · 07/11/2017 14:50

Bhaji are you me?! I have same problem. And he won't buy any new clothes. Said he hates shopping. So I end up spending lots of my own money on new clothes for him, because if I didn't shop for his clothes he would still be wearing them. Scruffy twats. Does my head in. Well he's not scruffy, they are always clean etc but he just doesn't care much for how he dresses. It's one thing on my long list of why I'm thinking of ending the relationship. It annoys me so much.

PumpkinSquash · 07/11/2017 14:56

It's one thing on my long list of why I'm thinking of ending the relationship. It annoys me so much.

Well, now we're getting the crux to the matter with some on this thread. If it's a "deal breaker" to look pretty for other people's benefit, or that you're thinking of ditching the relationship because of the way they dress, it's not really love in the first place as it, because you'd love them as they were without trying to force them to fit your ideal or perceived sense of beauty.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8