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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect payment for ticket .............

789 replies

Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 13:08

Help needed please!
Was very close to friend for years. She's rubbish with money but was good at spending mine! We don't see each other so much, but still chat and I went to her birthday bash a few weeks ago.

It took me a while, but the penny finally dropped and I no longer 'lend' her money. (Think 'loan' for £1000 seven years ago and have only had £200 ish back).

There is a band that we have always wanted to see - I know I sound about 10!), so we agreed that I would get the tickets on my card and she would reimburse me after Glastonbury - very expensive!

Here's the thing - tomorrow is the day we go and I think (know?) that she won't have the money.

WIBU to just not go with her? Am meant to be picking her up at 12 pm.

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 14:23

In fact with most hotels you pay on arrival so if she doesn't have the money tell her you don't have enough in your account to pay for her and see if you can change your booking to a single room.

streetlife70s · 03/11/2017 14:24

I can almost guarantee you that even if she gives you the ticket money when it's time to pay for food/ hotel she'll have none and ask you to cover it...

^^ ^^^^

This. So this.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:27

I have had to pay in past - I just couldn't sit there tucking into a meal on my own, so just paid. When you're miles away from home and just want a bed, credit cards are very handy.

No more though! This is really giving me clarity, so thank you again.
Whether I go on my own/ask another person to come or sell the tickets is another matter. Bit short notice

OP posts:
MadisonAvenue · 03/11/2017 14:28

Don't let her treat you as her own personal bank. I know it's hard though, especially when confrontation doesn't come naturally.

I used to have this frequently with a friend. We used to go to a lot of gigs together and I'd buy the tickets as I was able to rush home from the school run for 9am when they usually went on sale. She forever owed me money but she was a good friend aside from that and great company. She'd arrange to pay me back when she got paid, we'd meet up in town and she'd spend a small fortune around the shops (£50 to thereabouts in Lush, X Box games for her husband, clothes for herself, CDs, books..) and then over coffee in Starbucks she'd ask if she could pay me back the next month as she was skint! She also booked a Caribbean cruise at one point.

She really was taking me for a mug and eventually I just asked her for what she owed me. She made some excuse about not being able to bring it around when she said she would so I ended up giving her a deadline of the following week. She paid it and I've not really seen anything of her since.

Interestingly though I've seen people on Facebook asking her to pay them back for tickets so it looks like she's found others to leech off now.

streetlife70s · 03/11/2017 14:29

Ah Guardsman. You should post this on the ‘Regale me with your CF stories’ If you’re feeling brave you could also ask her to bring along the £800 she still owes you Grin

Ceto · 03/11/2017 14:29

If I sent that message Flouncy, she'd tell me where to get off!

But what does it matter if she does? The likelihood is that she's not going to pay, so what do you have to lose?

cakeymccakington · 03/11/2017 14:30

Yes it's a shame you left it so late to deal with it (but I understand why)...
I think I'd be tempted to just not go. I think it'll be a nightmare

CaveMum · 03/11/2017 14:31

Guardsman just use Facebook? Post a status saying "After being let down at short notice I've got a spare ticket for X gig tomorrow night. £50 and it's all yours. Any takers?"

Aeroflotgirl · 03/11/2017 14:32

You know she is rubbish with money, so why did you get the tickets without her paying you first. Good luck with sorting it out.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:32

I think I might do that with the CF er stories. I'm too embarrassed to tell you everything - what a fool!

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 14:32

Or you could message her saying you're skint so can't fill up the car and haven't got any spends so unless she has the money she owes you you won't be able to go. Then if she doesn't pay you back just go with someone else/alone?

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 14:32

I hate driving and would have gone on the bus or train ... but guess what

But how do you get into these situations?

I wouldn't drive to a concert-I would get the train or bus. I can't imagine anything that would suddenly make me decide to drive? Can you explain how that happened to us? Maybe that will go some way to explaining how you got into a situation where this 'friend' owes you £800 yet you have still arranged to drive her to a concert and a hotel/meal she hasn't paid you for??

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 03/11/2017 14:33

Don’t forget that with most hotels, if you don’t cancel as a minimum 24 hours in advance, you are still liable to pay!

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:36

I get where you're coming from Appu, but we haven't paid the hotel, eaten or driven anywhere yet.

I got into these situations due to not setting boundaries I guess, which is why I am on here trying to rectify that.

OP posts:
littlechous · 03/11/2017 14:37

C’mon Guardsman. You can do it!

Who are you going to see?

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:37

Yes, I do need to cancel the hotel

OP posts:
BenLui · 03/11/2017 14:39

If I sent that message Flouncy, she'd tell me where to get off!

It’s a completely reasonable message, even if she didn’t owe you £800!! If she tells you where to get off problem solved.

You really, really need to make it clear today that you will not be covering any costs for her. She need to be able to pay her hotel, food, drinks and ticket or she doesn’t come.

sundowners · 03/11/2017 14:39

  1. I'd never loan a friend (that much)money in the 1st place

  2. if she didn't pay it back I'd have installed a pay it back by installments agreement by now

  3. if she didn't agree to that Id threaten small claims and she would definitively not be my friend at this stage any more

  4. Why would you lend even more money in buying these tickets to the same "friend" who still owes you £800???

  5. She' s NOT a friend. She sounds flaky, immature and selfish -noone needs friendships like this. I would plan to go to said venue and sell both tickets tomorrow (much better as a pair for getting more ££) and firmly closing the book on your friendship with her, only ever contacting her formally re. paying you back your 800 quid.

cakeymccakington · 03/11/2017 14:40

"I get where you're coming from Appu, but we haven't paid the hotel, eaten or driven anywhere yet."

No... but you're still willing to put yourself in a position where you end up paying for her again. Because in the morning when it's time to pay the hotel and she says she has no money... you'll pay!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 14:41

Even if she pays 'for herself' it's your money as you owes you £800 and should be paying that back before spending on luxuries like hotels, concerts and meals out.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:41

I know I can littlechous, I know it!
So - let me recap if that's ok?!

Have fb messaged - not seen as yet.
Have txt - no reply. Don't want to ring as she's at a wedding - not because I'm spineless I swear!
If no reply by say 5 pm , the I txt/fb again and say that unless she can transfer the cash tonight, the I can't go.

What I do after that is up to me.
(It's Jay Kay btw)

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 14:42

I get where you're coming from Appu, but we haven't paid the hotel, eaten or driven anywhere yet.

No, though you have arranged to pick her up?

I'm honestly not being unkind-I just wanted to understand how you got from hating driving and intending to get the bus there, to offering to pick her up?

Does she drop hints? Does she ask you outright and put you on the spot? Do you dislike uncomfortable pauses in the conversation? etc I was just trying to unpick the problem.

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 14:43

If she's at a wedding, won't she be there for the rest of the day?

sundowners · 03/11/2017 14:43

Now you've said Jamiroquai I can see why you'd be gutted not to go...Sad

littlechous · 03/11/2017 14:45

Ooooh fab! In Birmingham right? That’ll be a lot of fun, please go!

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