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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect payment for ticket .............

789 replies

Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 13:08

Help needed please!
Was very close to friend for years. She's rubbish with money but was good at spending mine! We don't see each other so much, but still chat and I went to her birthday bash a few weeks ago.

It took me a while, but the penny finally dropped and I no longer 'lend' her money. (Think 'loan' for £1000 seven years ago and have only had £200 ish back).

There is a band that we have always wanted to see - I know I sound about 10!), so we agreed that I would get the tickets on my card and she would reimburse me after Glastonbury - very expensive!

Here's the thing - tomorrow is the day we go and I think (know?) that she won't have the money.

WIBU to just not go with her? Am meant to be picking her up at 12 pm.

OP posts:
FlouncyDoves · 03/11/2017 14:02

‘Hi x
I just want to confirm that you will have the cash (£xx) for the ticket tomorrow when I pick you up. I’m low on funds, so will use this as my spending money. I’ll also need £x for petrol. If you don’t have it then no bother, but I’ll be selling the tickets on to someone else who’s interested. Let me know by 8pm please, otherwise I’ll assume you can’t make it.’

Fia256 · 03/11/2017 14:03

You definitely need to put your foot down with her op.

I’ve had a similar experience myself. Let my friend have an expensive item (won’t post what as could be quite outing) and as she said she was struggling with money and we’ve been friends for over 20 years, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and said pay me back in instalments instead.

That didn’t happen, every month she was “skint” yet was going shopping every weekend buying herself and DC nice expensive clothes. I drew the line when she paid for herself to have some cosmetic surgery, having still not paid me back a penny. As soon as I stuck up for myself and made it clear she owed me the money and was treating me like a total mug, the money was back in my account that day!

Either sell the tickets or find someone else to go with you if she doesn’t pay up. Either way make it crystal clear it needs paying today. Good luck and hope it gets sorted!

crochetmonkey74 · 03/11/2017 14:04

YANBU not to go, especially if it will help you assert your new boundaries. I have done this before when similarly to you, I didn't want to have to pay for everything else around an event (petrol, hotel etc)
I worried over it for ages but it was like a 'reset' in my brain. 'This is the last time I'll do this' sort of thing.
It sounds like you don't really want to go. so don't. it's really empowering when you start just doing what you want. Go for it.

Pigeonpost · 03/11/2017 14:04

Bollocks to her giving you cash when you pick her up, that's WAY too easy for her to flake out of and by then it's too late. Tell her it needs to be PayPal/bank transferred to you by midnight or you're taking someone else. I don't see why you should not go if its a band you've always wanted to see just do not take her.

Oldraver · 03/11/2017 14:04

absolutely tell her if she doesn't have the ticket money you won't be going.

Shouldn't that be she wont be going ?

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:04

@Just booked - why, would you like to come too?!

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 03/11/2017 14:05

If she doesn't reply send her a message sayong that as you haven't heard from her you assume she can't afford the ticket anymore and will sell it on. That way she can't feign offence when you dont turnnup to pick her up.

ShellyBoobs · 03/11/2017 14:07

Wow. YA definitely NBU!

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:09

Thank you so much for these replies. Still no answer from FB or txt (she is busy today though, so could be a while).

OP posts:
Howsthings1234 · 03/11/2017 14:09

I would definitely get the money back or sell both tickets. I’d say to her that money is tight at the moment so does she have the cash to pay you back for the ticket. If not say you will have to cancel and sell both tickets as you can afford the petrol and hotel without getting the money back from her first.

streetlife70s · 03/11/2017 14:11

Don’t be afraid of confrontation this time. If she becomes angry at you then she isn’t your friend so it’s better you find out, end the friendship and move on to someone who appreciates your good nature.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:12

If I sent that message Flouncy, she'd tell me where to get off!

Hey ho though.

OP posts:
LIZS · 03/11/2017 14:12

Stop making excuses for her! She shouldn't be so busy that she can't acknowledge your message, and feel the least pang of embarrassment and conscience.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 14:16

You are all right - in fact I don't want to bloody go at all come to think of it!

I hate driving and would have gone on the bus or train ... but guess what?!

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 03/11/2017 14:16

But flouncys text is perfectly reasonable. If she couldn't handle that then I can't see how you can communicate this without her getting mad. So bite the bullet and tell her.

Howsthings1234 · 03/11/2017 14:16

Sack it off then!!! Say you are feeling poorly?!?

GlitteryFluff · 03/11/2017 14:16

Perfectly acceptable to not take her if she doesn't have the money to pay you.
But I agree with giving her a deadline to get back to you by and say if you haven't heard from her by then you'll assume she doesn't have the money, isn't going and you can sell tickets. Then you haven't just not turned up.

Jux · 03/11/2017 14:18

Do as Fruitcorner suggests ^^. You do have to let her known advance. Can she do instant transfer online? That would sort it, and she can do that for hotel too when the time comes (she’ll try it on there too, so make it very very clear to the hotel that you are paying separately).

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 03/11/2017 14:18

This time last week I was all excited to go to Leeds for a concert, 75 miles away form home, went with dd and we text about the evening during the day!! Can't imagine your friend has intentions of going if she hasn't been in touch!! We had a great time!! Can't beat a good music based night out imo!!

soupforbrains · 03/11/2017 14:18

Guards You don't have to say that at all.

What you CAN do is send her another message today and say Unless the money for the ticket is transferred by X O'Clock you're going to sell the ticket to someone else.

How you do this and whether you do so by finding another friend to go along with you (who will pay you for the ticket) or buy selling it to a rando outside the stadium is up to you. but you need to tell her A) a deadline for payment (which needs to be before tomorrow) and B) what the repercussions are for non -payment i.e. she doesn't get to go.

Simple as.

fabulous01 · 03/11/2017 14:20

I think she will expect you to pay for hotel etc

Keep us updated

cakeymccakington · 03/11/2017 14:21

I can almost guarantee you that even if she gives you the ticket money when it's time to pay for food/ hotel she'll have none and ask you to cover it...

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 14:21

Pick her up and then take her to fill up and while you're filling say 'd'you want to go in and pay and I'll take it off what you owe for the ticket' if she cries poverty swing by a cash point on the way. Also when you check out of the hotel ask her to put it on her card and you'll knock it off the money she owes.
She's a cf. If she's got money for a festival she should have used that to pay you back instead of going!

Jux · 03/11/2017 14:22

Does she have children?

Is it your money paying for her sitter, or maybe going towards her holiday next year, or her night out next week, or her naice wine, or...........

ItsNachoCheese · 03/11/2017 14:23

Your "friend" is a piss taking arse