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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

374 replies

Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 09:53

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

OP posts:
Fia256 · 03/11/2017 10:49

It’s basic manners to just say thank you. I don’t get why you are getting so bothered by it, arguing your case etc?! That said, it was ALSO rude of the other person to miserably reply your welcome.

We all think it when you move for someone get get no thanks for it, honestly it winds me up no end as I just think it’s really rude, but I’d never say anything to them.

The only time I do, is in the car. similar thing when you pull over to let the other car going the opposite way to you by. A simple hand gesture to say thanks isn’t difficult. And if I don’t get that back I do have a tendency to give them a simple hand gesture of a different nature GrinGrin

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 03/11/2017 10:50

"Yeah... By you yourself!"

I know, that's why I made the joke!

Thank you! Grin (also a joke)

MirriVan · 03/11/2017 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 03/11/2017 10:51

I have two children, one in a buggy, I will always say thank you if someone makes room for me to pass and I would expect the same back, basic manners.

Lookatmenow · 03/11/2017 10:51

I tend to say either "oh! there you go" or "oh ! Excuse me" as I move out of their way - this usually leads them on to saying "Thank You"

This is becuase your verbal sounds make them acknowledge the interactione between you both rather than being oblivious (which a lot of people are)

Try it next time YOU move out of the way for someone :)

wasonthelist · 03/11/2017 10:52

They can't all be rude?

They are.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 03/11/2017 10:53

It takes a nanosecond. Just say Thank you.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2017 10:54

I always acknowledge people who move, hold a door or otherwise make way for me with a 'Thank you' or a smile of thanks.

Many people don't do this but I like to delude myself that if I do maybe it will encourage them to do likewise rather than reinforcing low grade poor manners.

Thankyoucomeagain · 03/11/2017 10:54

I think she's seriously asking if naturally moving a bit out of someone's way is considered a "kindness" by others and warrants an acknowledgement.

It's not kindness. It's just basic good manners.

Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:56

I wasn't paying attention to her didn't notice her personally and don't remember what she looks like as in if I seen her again I wouldn't recognise her. The path is narrow she couldn't have moved further than the inch. I live in london

OP posts:
Kintan · 03/11/2017 10:57

Perhaps she's moved out of the way for you more than once, and this time she'd become fed up with your lack of acknowledgement. I have to say though your reasoning for not saying thanks - that people never say it to you - is contributing (in an obviously very small way) to making society less and less considerate and kind. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that..

Nancy91 · 03/11/2017 11:02

To be fair, her saying "you're welcome" passive aggressively is rude as well, I think it's more rude than not saying thank you.

MaroonPencil · 03/11/2017 11:04

Their reasoning was that saying thank you all the time for things that people are supposed to do anyway is meaningless and devalues the thanks you give for real effect.

I had a woman shout at me out of her car window after I crossed a zebra crossing "Oh don't say thank you then!" at me (she had stopped to let me cross).

This enraged me on several counts:

  1. She was supposed to stop anyway
  2. How would she hear me if I did say thank you
  3. I couldn't make any response to her because she drove away immediately
and 4. I had in fact lifted my hand in the universal signal for thank you before crossing.
senua · 03/11/2017 11:07

The path is narrow she couldn't have moved further than the inch.

So she had got her child to school in time and was on her way home. Meanwhile you were running late and weren't paying attention. She did a kindness to let you get to school a bit quicker and you didn't thank her.

didn't notice her personally and don't remember what she looks like as in if I seen her again I wouldn't recognise her.

Gosh, you do sound a bit (tries to think of polite way to say this) a bit self-absorbed. I bet she clocked you.
It's funny how you didn't notice anything about the lady apart from the fact that she moved "an inch". Are you sure it was only an inch - had she already moved a foot and all you saw was the final, tiny adjustment?

Thankyoucomeagain · 03/11/2017 11:09

It doesn't matter how far she moved op. If you didn't notice her move then of course you were not being rude.
Sounds like the parents at that school are generally rude.

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 11:10

Well given my school run face I don't look very approachable some days! Grin

OP people are rude. Sometimes not giving a shit and sometimes not thinking.

I don't understand why you want to be thanked though? You said yourself it's a narrow path. I don't expressly thank people for doing what's expected of them on a daily basis. DS goes to a village school, with one entry gate, I often move out the way for kids with bikes and scooters to get in on time or parents with younger siblings to get by and get big brother / sister in om time. Some thank me some dont. But I dont expect it. But on the other hand if a driver stops for me as I cross the road I'll thank them and nod in acknowledgement. (I live in an area where it's every driver for themselves so it isn't expected that they'll stop to let you by).

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 11:12

Yanbu. You should have thanked her but most people forget at times if they are distracted. People who aggressively shout 'you're welcome' after people presumably to show what great manners they have just make themselves look even ruder and a bit of a tit imo.

Thankyoucomeagain · 03/11/2017 11:15

It's easier to just thank people than to evaluate whether their actions warranted it.

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 11:15

I'm shocked that so many posters are suggesting that the OP is the one who was rude!

Well, can't both have been rude without realising it?

Nikephorus · 03/11/2017 11:16

Thank you the normal people have come along lol.
I'll think you'll find it's just some other people who also lack basic manners that have arrived. Still, at least you managed to say "thank you" - obviously something has rubbed off from the previous posters' comments.

Only1scoop · 03/11/2017 11:18

Phew

Glad I'm not 'normal'

CarpeVitam · 03/11/2017 11:19

Just acknowledge/say thank you OP! It’s hardly rocket science....just common courtesy!!

Jeez! Hmm

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 11:20

She must have been blocking the way if she needed to move to let the equivalent sized person (i.e. someone with a pram) through. She shouldn't have been blocking the way in the first place, so moving did not necessitate a thanks you.

Why must she have been blocking the way? Confused The OP has already said it's a narrow path, perhaps BOTH were blocking the way with both prams but only the other lady made the effort to move. Regardless of how small.

Fidoandacupoftea · 03/11/2017 11:22

This really really gets to me. I know it shouldn't but I am filled with rage when people walk past as I hold the door open, it seems to be more common now. I feel that social norm is changing and courtesy and good manners are no longer that important.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/11/2017 11:26

I don't think the pram makes a difference, it's just people getting out of the way and the other person saying oh thanks - natural as breathing. But if someone didn't thank me, and they were concentrating on manoevring a pram, I'd assume that they were focused on that rather than that they were rude. And school is also not the place to be a huffy idiot.

So, you might have beeen slightly neglectful, but she was a nidge to get in a huff about it.