To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

[Cheeseontoastie]

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

The rule is use your manners.

Simple.

If you hadn't known she'd moved you wouldn't know what she was talking about. Good on her, I'm an inwardly seethes kind of person.

Just say thank yum. You don't NOT use manners because a DIFFERENT person was run to you.

Ok never is an exaggeration I don't think anyone at the school ever has but generally it's very rare rather than never.

"I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement."
"it's very rare anyone says thanks"
"my point still is people rarely thank me."
"I never get a thanks."
"Again no thanks"

Your entire argument is that since others don't do it, you don't have to either.

Just an observation

I say thank you to everyone. It's good, decent manners, it makes you a nicer person, and it makes the world a better place.

This 'no-one ever thanks me' makes you sound very curmudgeonly, and this will come across to people, and you will get a reputation as an old misery. Far better to be known as the nice, happy lady.

Don't be THAT person, who says 'if people don't do stuff for me, I ain't doing shit for no-one else.' It would be a very sad world if everyone thought this way.

it’s life not double entry bookkeeping

I agree with this wholeheartedly. Just because according to you EVERYONE else in your life is a rude git doesn't mean you have to be as well.

say thank you.

It’s polite to say excuse me to prompt someone to move out your way, then thanks when they do. It’s basic manners. Just because others don’t do it, doesn’t give you a pass. If others were jumping off cliffs would you do it? No. Then stop dismissing basic manners for that reason!

Agree 100% with Telstar99

I think op is getting a hard time. If usually no-one thanks you for doing a thing, you adapt and assume that it isn't thanks-worthy. If someone else then gives you face for not saying thanks when they do that thing, you are entitled to be a bit confused by the inconsistency!!

The obsession with manners both baffles and amuses me.

Some people seem to assume that everyone is ungrateful and rude unless they specifically prove otherwise. I don't think that most people who are doing something that is considered rude are doing it to deliberately make a point that they are an arsehole. I'd assume someone is grateful if I was in their way and I moved, why would someone be annoyed that I tried to be helpful?

IMO, passive aggressive thank yous to prove some point are quite rude. Not everyone agrees on a standard of rudeness because there are some (IMO) fairly rude posts on here from people declaring how good their manners are.

Part of me feels that next time you walk past her you should make a really loud and over the top display of your undying gratitude - but that may be considered rude

I agree its basic manners. Even my children know this from a very early age.

I think op is getting a hard time. If usually no-one thanks you for doing a thing, you adapt and assume that it isn't thanks-worthy.

I do see this point of view, but the problem is that social etiquette and behaviour is extremely nuanced. For example, if I'm pushing a buggy down the street and somebody coming towards me with a buggy stops and moves to the side, making eye-contact and smiling as I go past, I'm going to say thanks, obviously! If I then approach a bus stop where somebody instinctively steps forward to let me past without even shifting their gaze from their mobile phone, I would just say nothing and continue walking.

We really have no idea of the details of OP's encounter and trying to interpret and explain body language, etiquette, norms and behaviour based on this one paragraph is pretty futile. Not to mention, most adults know all of this anyway.

Thanks @dobop.

IMO, passive aggressive thank yous to prove some point are quite rude

Part of me feels that next time you walk past her you should make a really loud and over the top display of your undying gratitude - but that may be considered rude

Yeah... By you yourself!

I'd assume someone is grateful if I was in their way and I moved, why would someone be annoyed that I tried to be helpful?

I would assume that if someone was grateful then they would indicate this. Otherwise, next time the situation arose, I wouldn't get out of their way - I'd wait for them to get out of my way.
I'm polite but I'm not a doormat.

I think that you were rude to not say thanks, Op, but I think that her PA "you're welcome" BS was far ruder.

Cheeseontoastie

. you are obviously miffed that people don't say thankyou to you. That is their problem, don't make it yours. Instead think of saying thankyou as part of YOUR parenting toolkit , if your children hear you being polite they will understand that politeness is important even towards people who appear not to appreciate it. If they hear you saying it, they will learn to say it too.

You seem to berate people who don’t agree with you and say that they are not normal and cherry pick people who agree with you, if you don’t want honest feedback don’t ask a forum.
Saying thank you is good manners, but if you don’t it is not a drama, we all get distracted by our children.

Whenever a stranger acknowledges your presence you must say either sorry or thank you depending on the situation. You were being very rude, so was she. If a stranger fails to follow social norms you never point it out.

Wow OP you are very rude.

Your posts are all me, me, me and you don't seem to be able to grasp a simple basic life lesson of if someone moves out of your way you say thank you.
Honestly what is so difficult for you to understand?

It doesn't matter who says thank you to you. It just makes them bloody rude to not say thanks that doesn't mean you are ok to be just as bloody rude as they are.

You have two posters that also have a chip on their shoulder agreeing with you and suddenly 'oh my god, thank you so much I'm not unreasonable at all cause two other bloody rude people agree with me'

You are going to have a very sad lonely life if you're only polite or kind if other people are to you first.

Where do you live op? I lived in continental Europe, Scotland and England, and the vast majority of people say thanks when someone moves out of the way for them. Yes there is rude twats who don’t, but they are certainly not the overwhelming majority.

So where the hell do you live that this is the norm? As you’ve seen by the thread, the overwhelming majority of people also see it as normal to say thanks, so your experience that everyone ignores the gesture is unusual to say the least. Never mind the fact this must have been for your whole life not to know it’s polite to say thanks.

You were rude not to say thank you and you are rude on this thread.

You said you didn't notice her but you knew she had moved her pram an inch?

Regardless of how many other people are rude to you, you should say thank you. She's probably in the same boat and had had enough by the time she came in contact with yet another rude person - you.

People who don't say "thanks" are rude. Including you OP.

Sometimes, after not getting thanked a hundred times, someone snaps, like the women who moved for you did. It's not pretty but it's inevitable when there are SO many impolite people around