Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 14 15

Original poster

To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

374 replies

Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 09:53

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

OP posts:

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 12:03

So I would say she was in my way.

Well, she was, which is why she made the effort to move, for you, to let you by and you still didn't say thankyou. Which is probably why you got a passive aggressive "you're welcome!". I'd bet a pound to a penny it's not the first time shes stopped for you or others.

kinkajoukid · 03/11/2017 12:04

You were rude OP. What does it cost you to smile and acknowledge her and/or say thank you?

Perhaps it was the last straw for the other woman after facing a lot of other rude people recently? But we all ought to make an effort to be nice or everyone will just give up and become grumpy and hostile.

Its completely different in a real crowd but you can still catch the odd eye and be of a generally friendly demeanour.

If everyone was nice/ polite 8 or 9 times out of 10 (we all have bad days) then people would be more likely to ignore the few times someone is a bit rude. But people notice not because it is happening once, but because rudeness is happening a lot.

Foxysoxy01 · 03/11/2017 12:04

FFS OP.

You were very rude, they were sort of rude to call you up on it but in rudeness degrees you were ruder.

Does that make you happy now, you can pass some of the blame over and you can feel some sort of moral victory that you are a rude fucker and they were sort of rude (although I actually admire their balls tbh)

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 12:05

And school is also not the place to be a huffy idiot

Oh how blissful school playgrounds across the UK would be if there were no huffy idiots!

pinkie1982 · 03/11/2017 12:05

I would have said thank you. Same as if you need something in a supermarket and someone moves themselves out of the way so you can access what you need, or giving way to someone on the road, or someone holding a door open for you if you are following them through ... it's just manners. I wouldn't say her response cancels anything out TBF. Sounds as though she was brought up with manners and was affronted that you didn't show the same respect ((sorry))

Ironfloor · 03/11/2017 12:06

Really, op? You've NEVER been thanked for moving your oram/waiting for others to pass? I always tend to do this myself and I can count on one hand the number of times people haven't acknowledged. They at least smile and nod. I can't believe you've NEVER been thanked.

ShiftyMcGifty · 03/11/2017 12:06

FFS yourself. Not everyone agrees she was rude.

Lot of posters here lecturing about manners are pretty fucking rude though.

deepestdarkestperu · 03/11/2017 12:06

Nobody is saying other people aren't rude - but that doesn't make you any less rude!

RoseWhiteTips · 03/11/2017 12:06

Whether people thank you or not us hardly the point, OP. Where would it all end if that is the attitude?

Manners cost nothing and if others do not appear to have any, then they are the ones to be pitied. Any you either know what is decent behaviour or you don’t. You shouldn’t have to think about whether you are going to be polite.

I like the pram woman’s response, though - especially the “ugh” bit.

Madcatter · 03/11/2017 12:07

I had something similar recently. The other day I was on the bus by the window seat. As the bus pulled up to my stop I started gathering myself to get off which normally would be enough to prompt the person in the aisle seat to move (I'm in London so there tends not to be much interaction on public transport - everyone just kind of silently adjusts themselves around each other (though I do say thanks to people when they have moved)). The girl sitting in the aisle seat didn't move so I said, "sorry". Nothing. Said, "sorry" again. She glared at me then went, "oh, you mean excuse me" before launching into an aggressive tirade of abuse which included "get off the f-ing bus bus you stupid f-ing woman". Genuinely in my experience 'sorry' is interchangeable!

I think in OP's case there's the subtle distinction between whether shifting an inch out of the way is an overt 'kindness' that needs acknowledgement or whether it's just part of normal moving about. None of us were there so don't know how we'd have read that particular situation. As pp pointed out though, making someone feel uncomfortable by pointing out their arguable lack of manners is pretty bad manners so I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 12:07

I don't understand not saying "thank you". Isn't it a natural reaction? Like apologising if you accidentally knock someone in the street, or thanking a driver that let you out of a junction

Not really. You shouldn't need thanking for doing what is expected of you in social settings (SNs aside if course).

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 12:08

Nah if you're brought up with manners you don't highlight other people's lack of manners in an aggressive way to try and embarrass someone.
It makes me cringe when I see people shout 'you're welcome' after people. They think it makes them look superior but it just makes them look like touchy, aggressive idiots trying to start a row.

RoseWhiteTips · 03/11/2017 12:08

...is...

Original poster

Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 12:08

I've never noticed her before in my life and haven't since and my life doesn't revolve around the school play ground so she's paying me wayyyyy to much attention if she has some personal vendetta against me. Lol

OP posts:

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 03/11/2017 12:09

Everybody is rude! Because what one person thinks is rude another thinks is perfectly acceptable.

HTH! (deliberately PA, rude and unnecessary, no need to thank me for the demonstration )

RoseWhiteTips · 03/11/2017 12:10

I think you are quite within your rights to draw it to the attention of the rude, ill mannered person. Must use the ugh bit tomorrow if possible.

RoseWhiteTips · 03/11/2017 12:11

They think it makes them look superior but it just makes them look like touchy, aggressive idiots trying to start a row.

I doubt that is what they are trying to do! Lol

RoseWhiteTips · 03/11/2017 12:12

People with good manners do not generally “start a row”. I don’t think I have ever started such a thing in my life!

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 03/11/2017 12:12

I was raised to always be almost excessively polite. I've noticed many young people these days haven't been very well taught by their parents (or just don't use them). They seem to be emphasising good manners in schools again so I don't know if it's an initiative or something?

Other cultures have slightly different manners that don't always align with 'British manners' - such as queuing. I think minding your P's and Q's is dying out.

I was shopping last week and didn't thank a large family that were hogging the aisle. They eventually moved out of my way and I didn't thank them. The woman muttered 'well thank you very much' sarcastically under her breath at me but I just ignored. To my mind she and her family should have moved as soon as they'd seen me to allow me to pass. It was bad manners of them to block the aisle.

I'm feeling like I'm losing my manners. I'm getting angry at how rude everyone is these days and feel a mug for holding doors open, moving out of the way of people, letting people pass etc.

MiaowMix · 03/11/2017 12:13

OP are you not British? Maybe this is not your cultural norm?

If you are, I don't understand why you asked the question, and most people are telling you that yes, you were quite rude and that manners cost nothing, but you're still trying to justify yourself.

Fine - you were rude and you don't give a fuck - so why even ask?
'lol'

Trailedanderror · 03/11/2017 12:14

You asked us to explain the rule and posters have explained that making eye contact and saying thank you is expected. It's also free and easy. Unless you're painfully shy or Swedish why wouldn't you want to do it?

Elkilil · 03/11/2017 12:14

If someone moves out of the way for me I'd say thank you.. or smile and nod. However i probably wouldn't be too fussed if I didn't get the same in return depending on how much I went out of my way. As a society we are getting ruder.

JonSnowsWife · 03/11/2017 12:15

A Personal Vendetta because someone rightly pointed out you were rude for not thanking them when you clearly stated she'd moved to make way for you? That's a bit dramatic isn't it?

She's also not the one starting a thread (and arguing the toss with the dissenting voices) about who was in the right or wrong.

Let it go OP.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/11/2017 12:16

It's rude to draw something to someone's attention using sarcasm though. And you don't actually need to address every tiny perceived slight - much better to just let the small things go than be perpetually offended every time someone doesn't say please, thank you, excuse me or looks at you a bit funny. I know people like this who just can't let anything go and hey are extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable to spend time with wondering what will set them off next.
And what if the op didn't speak English or had a learning disability or something. 'You're welcome' would be really confusing for them and totally unnecessary.

glitterlips1 · 03/11/2017 12:18

It makes me cringe when I see people shout 'you're welcome' after people. They think it makes them look superior but it just makes them look like touchy, aggressive idiots trying to start a row.

I disagree. I think it highlights those who think they are too superior to say a simple think you.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 14 15

Swipe left for the next trending thread