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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

374 replies

Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 09:53

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:09

Surely you would still thank a "distracted or distressed" person lol which isn't the case anyway.

OP posts:
caughtintherain · 03/11/2017 10:09

You should have said thank you. Her "You're welcome" was an attempt to point out that you didn't. You were extremely rude.

Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:10

That people never do it to me? I think people are intentionally missing the point.

OP posts:
Lovemenoooooww · 03/11/2017 10:11

You should’ve smiled or said Thank You. but tbh, I find the overly politeness in the UK especially tideous.

Only1scoop · 03/11/2017 10:11

'That people never do it to me?'

'Do it'?

Do what? Thank you?

senua · 03/11/2017 10:12

No, you are missing the point. Nice people interact nicely. The fact that the rest of the world (well, your world. People round here are mostly polite to each other) are not nice is no excuse for you to be the same.

Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:13

Yes obviously is extremely rude according to those on here. Like I already said I passed a group of people just now who didn't do it. Surely you should still thank someone no matter how "distracted or distressed" they apparently are

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 03/11/2017 10:13

I had this once, a lady walking along holding her boys hand and me with large bags to the side of me. I moved my bags in as she moved her child in with a passive aggressive thanks from her after I’d passed. As far as I was concerned we’d both moved in so were as entitled to a thanks as each other. I had glanced and smiled to acknowledge the movement so I don’t know. But yes I usually say thanks in those situations. Some of the school mums have now taken to taking up the whole path with their pushchairs recently and I push a double. They huff and puff themselves out of my way but I still find myself giving them a polite thank you even though they shouldn’t be so rude in the first place.

Goldenhandshake · 03/11/2017 10:14

The decent thing to do, whenever anyone goes out of their way for you, assists, does something kind etc is to thank them. Basic manners. I am astounded you seem to not 'get' that.

Dobopdidoo1 · 03/11/2017 10:14

That people never do it to me? I think people are intentionally missing the point.

Just say thank you for goodness sake. All this “but why should I when they don’t say it to me” is childish and obtuse.

ShiftyMcGifty · 03/11/2017 10:14

I think she's seriously asking if naturally moving a bit out of someone's way is considered a "kindness" by others and warrants an acknowledgement.

No. I don't think it does. It's just a natural flow of making your way about isn't it? If you have to stop, wait and inconvenience yourself in some way for another person THEN that is an effort and should be acknowledged by the other party.

caughtintherain · 03/11/2017 10:15

Oh for goodness' sake - learn some manners rather than trying to defend your lousy grasp of them. Did your parents not teach you that when someone does something nice for you, you say thank you?

Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:15

I must be distracted and distressed 24/7. I'm normally keeping my eyes on my kids tbh.

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 03/11/2017 10:16

There are some serious drama llamas here. In the natural course of walking around, we all adjust course all the time to get by each other. If we said thank you to everyone for every mm they adjusted, it'd be like some crazy appreciation olympics.

It's a social distinction between normal, natural adjustment (that you do without thinking) and actually making deliberate room for someone (where you would acknowledge). This seems like OP thought it was the former; and the other lady the latter.

TheRadiantAerynSun · 03/11/2017 10:17

It's good manners to say thanks, or smile or a nod.

It doesn't make you an uncouth, ignorant knob if you don't though.

British folk can get a bit silly about politeness though.

I was talking to a few Scandinavian friends once and they were telling me how hard it was for them to adjust to how often you're expected to say thank you over there. Their reasoning was that saying thank you all the time for things that people are supposed to do anyway is meaningless and devalues the thanks you give for real effect.

But this is our culture and there are worse traits to have.

Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:17

I think she's seriously asking if naturally moving a bit out of someone's way is considered a "kindness" by others and warrants an acknowledgement.

^^ gosh thank you!! Someone that understands. Rather than just jumping on me for entertainment. I am so sorry I didn't thank her I was running late (which I will be flamed for now!) and had my eyes on my 3 year old. Was only a question.

OP posts:
Evelynismyspyname · 03/11/2017 10:17

Exactly what Temporaryanonymity says!

I'm shocked that so many posters are suggesting that the OP is the one who was rude!

The passive aggressive mini tantrum by the other mother massively eclipses a failure to thank for a very token gesture on the OP's part!

The lack of "basic manners" (as people love to express it) on the part of the woman who moved her pram an inch and then huffed about the OP's failure to thank her was fairly astounding, the failure to thank for a token gesture that cost no effort was a mere oversight.

The essence of good manners is not making other people feel uncomfortable by drawing attention to their accidental breaches of etiquette.

RainbowPastel · 03/11/2017 10:18

It's simple manners to say thank you. I would have done the same as her. You were rude.

Bigbertha123 · 03/11/2017 10:19

I always say thank you if someone moves something or themselves to let me pass. I would also expect a thank you too. If I don't get one, I always think person is rude. I cannot believe you have never been thanked for moving your pram.

Original poster
Cheeseontoastie · 03/11/2017 10:20

Thank you the normal people have come along lol. Thought it was me for a second I literally hadn't even noticed her move her pram it couldn't have been more than an inch. It was only after she said that comment I was like ok then! I would literally be falling over myself thanking everyone who stepped to the side for me when I enter the school and noticed no one does it to me so was only wondering.

OP posts:
RB68 · 03/11/2017 10:20

What annoys me is they want thanking for moving a pram or whatever when they parked or stopped inconsiderately in the first place. I usually make a big point of thanking them, in my head its sarcastic it stopes me having a go - lol

DiegoMadonna · 03/11/2017 10:20

I think people are intentionally missing your point because it all seems a little strange/unbelievable. As has been pointed out, 99% of people are aware that "if someone does you a kindness then you acknowledge it and say thank you".

The idea that nobody ever says thank you when you move out of the way for you means you've always moved out of way for that 1% of people who don't understand manners, and never for anyone who does (those are really long odds, but I guess it's possible).

Justoneme · 03/11/2017 10:21

Depends on how you want to see the world I guess?

I think the lady who moved out of the way or made an effort had balls to say your welcome. If you can't see the issue of you not bothering to say thanks then I see you as bad mannered and lack insight into why there is a culture of "me me me"

Dobopdidoo1 · 03/11/2017 10:21

Thank you the normal people have come along lol.

Rude.

DiegoMadonna · 03/11/2017 10:22

I'm shocked that so many posters are suggesting that the OP is the one who was rude!

It's quite possible for them both to have been rude.

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