To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

[Cheeseontoastie]

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

She was rude. You are rude. She was huffy. You are apparently never huffy about other people’s rudeness. But — you are still rude.

Manners are manners. We say “please”and “thank you” and “you’re welcome”all day long at home and we say it in public whether we’re thanked or not, whether people rudely ignore our cheerful door-holding and what have you. If you have good manners, you have them all the time, no matter what anyone else is doing.

Your comments re: people’s unfriendliness in your area reminds me of this story:

A old man is walking down a road and meets a young man coming the other way. The young man asks him "What are people like in the next town?" The old man asks him "What were people like in your previous town?" "Oh, they were terrible —mean, rude, selfish." "I'm afraid you'll find this town the same."

A minute later he meets another young man who stops and asks him the same question about the people in the next town. The old man asks him "What were people like in your previous town?" "Oh, they were great —friendly, warm, helpful." "I believe you'll find this town the same."

Just because other people are rude and rarely use manners doesn’t make it right. I wouldn’t dream of not thanking someone for making room so I could get through. I also wouldn’t think twice about telling someone (sarcastically) that they were welcome if they didn’t thank me if I had moved for them

Rebecca - oh wow! Classic cheddar

Like I said the neighbours don't say hello to each other either so again not.just.me. And I'm not gonna say hello to people who would ignore me

Like I said the neighbours don't say hello to each other either so again not.just.me.

You keep focusing on the fact that’s it not JUST you as if that excuses you for not having good manners. It doesn’t.

Try an experiment. As someone else suggested, start smiling at people and greeting them in a friendly way. Say thank you when someone shifts over for you, even if it’s just a tiny bit. And say it with a smile. Make eye contact.

Maybe you’ll find you don’t live in such a rude and unfriendly place after all.

That makes no sense. Other people do it to each other. So I'm not the problem. But im getting bored repeating myself now.

Oh I love Goats cheese. RebeccaSlicker stop being a GF & tempting me away from my diet 😉

That makes no sense. Other people do it to each other. So I'm not the problem. But im getting bored repeating myself now.

Me as well. Try googling “external locus of control.”

Manners are disappearing in society. It's all the me, me, me and mine, mine, mine attitude nowadays. If anyone thanks me for doing a simple gesture I am amazed.

Personally I’m with the OP here. I wonder if it’s partly a rural v urban thing?

I can imagine if you lived in eg a small village and had the moving a pram slightly out of the way occurrence once a day you may feel inclined to say thank you.

However if you live in a busy city where moving out of someone’s way happens many many times a day, it wouldn’t necessarily merit a thank you. But I would thank someone for a genuine kindness

For example, someone who lets me off the tube train while they get on doesn’t get a thank you or any acknowledgement. However someone who gives me their seat on a tube train when I’m pregnant definitely does!

As a born and bred Londoner, I totally disagree Offred. Someone put it brilliantly at the beginning of the thread regarding manners:
'it’s life, not double entry bookkeeping'

Just be nice!

Surely this is a basic manners thing? Very basic.

A simple thank you is all that is required why would you not say that?

I say thanks for every bloody minor thing. Thanks for moving, thanks for holding the door for a milisecond, thanks to the cashpoint, Sorry if someone barges into me. Its all very tedious and stupid really, but its automatic. It is noticeable when someone doesnt play along, but it doesnt make them a shitty person. They might not even know the etiquette. Making a big passive aggressive YOURE WELCOME is far ruder than forgetting to say thankyou. Its also rude to hog the whole bloody pavement so that someone has to squeeze past, and moving out of the way so people can get past is just what you do if youre taking up to much space. They shouldnt have to show gratitude for the fact you are no longer taking up the road. so I hope she apologised to you for that.

Yeah but there are times when an entitled person says "thank you" in a snarky way when the reality is a thank you is not due and they are playing a superiority game. Such as you are midway passing through a narrow entrance before they get near but you're supposed to thank them for... not barging into you walk forward making you walk backwards? Or you are on the side without the parked cars and already driving along before they are in sight(although I usually do give a quick acknowledgement with my headlight).
I think saying "thank you" in that tone of superiority is very poor form and is also extremely rude

@Mumindoghouse

Yes I would thank people in both those situations. They had the courtesy to wait rather than barging forward and causing a situation.

I suppose in this situation I am saying 'thank you for not being an idiot by rushing forward causing and obstruction. I acknowledge that you had to wait and I appreciate your action'

However I don't make a comment when people don't thank me. But I do think to myself 'huh, won't be moving / opening door / stopping etc. for YOU again'. (But will of course).

Must remember to be very clear on here for people to understand.

In this sentence we have the epitome of why you come across as haughty and patronising in this thread.

You really don't sound at all nice OP...........we are not idiots, some people are just challenging what you are saying.

I rarely get thanks for holding doors/moving out of the way/standing back to let people through. As a result I always make sure I say thank you!

Mind you it's becoming increasingly rare that anyone holds doors for me or lets me through. People tend to spend a lot more time staring down at phones and listening to headphones to notice things like that I find.

I hope we move away from this! I used to work in a care home and the residents were always exceptionally well mannered to the staff and each other.

The staff were catty and never missed a chance to show each other up or dob each other in. Could it be a generation thing?

I'm disgusting polite. I would have thanked her because, well it's polite.

Maybe she's just tired of entitled people expecting her to make way for them.

Don't most people just give a sort of nod and smile in the situation OP describes? I live in a small village and that would be what happens here if you are busy picking children up.
Otherwise, it's all weather, how are you's, smiling at the children.

I do notice less general friendliness than in the past though. It makes me sad, but I like interacting with other people in most cases.

I said I will be clear in future as I after leaving the school and the pp said I was still in the school. I said after I left, so as in no longer there otherwise I would have said "as I was leaving". It's not hard really is it. Anyway another great example was I was on the bus yesterday and the bus was about to turn a corner but a car was slightly too far out that the bus couldn't turn the corner. The car driver edged back an inch or so to allow the bus through. No need for a thanks!! Nor did the driver thank the car for moving out of the way when they are blocking the turning.

You just don't get it.

Sad, really.

No I don't.

The driver probably waved the car driver in thanks. Most do.
I think situations can be more a shade of grey than people on here are implying though. If I was waking through a crowded room for eg I’d mutter a few excuse me’s and thanks rather than making individual eye contact and thanking each person individually. No one on here knows the exact context of your situation op to know whether ywbu or not. Was the pushchair moved only an inch, was the other woman inecessarily obstructing the corridor? In that scenario I would apologise if that was me.