To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

[Cheeseontoastie]

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

But it's not just the school that's what I'm saying. The one yesterday was half way up the hill after dropping my kids off (not on the school grounds) and other times I'm referring to are times I've actually moved my pram completely out of the pram space to allow another to get in and not even received a thanks (which I think is rude in that situation) and it happens a lot.

Chardonnay when you wrote that it's kinder to let someone know they're doing something wrong.

'Please', 'thank you', 'excuse me' and 'sorr'y form the grease which keeps random social interaction bearable. Some people get round it by being introverted and effectively cutting themselves off from the possibility of interaction. However while this helps to protect you from the discomfort, those around you who are using the 'greasing' method are left feeling jarred. Some respond angrily or passive aggressively to this jarring. While others do not react but are inwardly affected.

Think of what would happen if you the other person did not perform these actions however small, logical or inevitable. The driver at the crossing could knock you down, the pram pusher could pass down the narrow path at the same time as you causing a jam, the door could swing back to hit you in the face or you would have to wait to it to close properly before opening it delaying you. You would bump into the person who didn't move aside. Or you would have to perform some action on your own part to avoid these eventualities. Surely thanking a person for going even slightly out of their way to avoid these possibilities costs you so little and may help to grease the day for another person?
BTW I have found that thanking people can be contagious. I caught 'thanking the bus driver when getting off the bus' many years ago from a woman on a bus and have infected friends and family and random strangers with this habit. The smile from the drivers and occasional 'you're welcome' is addictive'
Perhaps you could try starting a similar 'thank you' contagion in your child's school!

I think It's just where you live op. Probably not a very nice area. There are placed all over the country where people have basic manners and are generally pleasant.

Yes, but not by pointing it out. I think it's wrong to keep them thinking what they are doing is the right thing because then they will embarrass themselves later, again.

The mimicking of the faux pas does nothing positive long term, that's all, except serve as a base for amusing anecdotes later.

I do think it could be the area. People aren't very friendly round here generally. When I first moved no one said hello to me. None of my neighbours speak to each other. And I was told I would make loads of friends when my kids started school but again no one ever said hello to me or was friendly to me. I'm quite shy so admittedly I didn't say hello to anyone either but as the new person I thought people would be abit more welcoming. Not saying they have to be though.

If my grandma held the door open for someone and they didn't thank her, she'd say loudly and passive aggressively, "THANK YOU!" Comical coming from a tiny little old lady. Thanks to her I thank everyone, and am the weirdo who thanks bus drivers.

However don't you hate it when there's a series of doors and you're just ahead of or behind someone - thus necessitating endless synonyms for "thank you"!

Chardonay I do agree that that could happen (with the finger bowl, not the saying thank you). The way I read the apocryphal anecdote is that the person drinking from the finger bowl probably noticed in the midst of the action that other people were using the finger bowl differently, and so the table neighbour saved their blushes by deliberately doing the same rather than allowing them to feel shamed.

There are ways and means of doing things, and public shaming of other people through sarcasm or swearing is rarely the way to cover yourself in glory or to change anyone else's behaviour.

There is nothing positive in a sarcastic and huffy "thank you" at all. Let alone in giving the finger, as someone suggested she was correct in doing if someone else didn't have the "basic manners" to make a thank you gesture if she let them out/ stopped for them to cross while she was in her car! How anyone could complain that other people lack manners while boasting about giving someone the finger for failing to say thank you shows a jaw dropping lack of awareness (unless they were joking to make that exact point and I've missed the subtly, which I admit is possible!)

It sounds like you're unwittingly giving off unfriendly vibes. I had a horrible medical condition a few years ago which meant I literally couldn't move my mouth to smile, the world suddenly turned into a very hostile place.
As an experiment, next time you go out make a point of making eye contact, smiling and making little positive comments, 'lovely and bright today', 'they've enjoyed making poppies this week'.
I guarantee most people will respond positively.

It's not just me it doesn't happen to at the school though so again.. Missing the point and again my neighbours don't interact with eachother as I've passed them coming in and out at the same time so again. No something im doing personally. My mum said she said hello to the woman next door to me and she ignored her.

No, I know that, but it only draws attention to it and so defeats the purpose, I just think he kindest thing is to pretend no one noticed a thing and act accordingly, so whoever did the "wrong thing" doesn't blush to start with and when they do then they don't become the subject of embarrassing anecdotes. And I hate twee anecdotes with a passion.

But in OP's case the worrying thing as that she's rude and proud of it and sees no reason to modify her behaviour.

I moved out of the way for two male joggers and stood on a grassy ledge while they jogged past. Neither said thank you. I thought it was rude. I didn't do anything but next time I'm walking along and they're jogging behind me I'm just going to stay on course. I won't be clambouring in to grassy knolls for entitled male joggers.

I think some women do use their buggy like Germany used tanks. Sorry but it's true.

My mum said she said hello to the woman next door to me and she ignored her.

So? We have a neighbour who's husband has never uttered a word to me the whole time I've lived here. His wife is very friendly and often asks how my day has been, how are the kids etc (both our DSs have ASD so we like to vent sometimes) ; I dont make a point of not chatting to her because her husband is an ignorant knob.

don't you hate it when there's a series of doors and you're just ahead of or behind someone - thus necessitating endless synonyms for "thank you"!

Happens every day at work. I use thanks and then cheers to mix it up a bit. I thank the bus driver too. Being friendly makes me feel good.

I'm saying it could be my area like someone suggested! But as pp has just said it happened to her seems it happens everywhere but it's only rude if I do it..

Where did it say that it is only rude if you do it?
I for one said that they were rude too as have other posters but that still doesn't make it right,
By not saying thank you to someone for moving out of your way is rude,

People are very punitive on manners threads cheese and the OP will always be held to exemplary standards and berated if she fails to be sufficiently apologetic and vow to change her ways.

In most areas of Britain the etiquette is to thank or apologise - if in doubt barely audibly, but it is almost never incorrect to thank for too small a micro favour. To answer your initial question.

However huffy sarcastic shaming of those who forget7 don't think to thank for tiny gestures is a far worse breech of manners than overlooking one of the multiple thankses required to negotiate a narrow crowded path with a pram. Those proudly boasting of their own loud sarcastic comments or worse to those who don't thank them are most definitely living in glass houses...

Because people are answering something I didn't ask. This isnt about me and the woman. This is why no one does it to me.

So why mention it at all then? Why not just say that no one thanks you and is that unreasonable? If your initial part of the post is not relevant, then there was no need to mention it.

However, you don't want to hear if YABU or not so no you're not, you're amazing and very polite and everyone else is a bastard. There you go.

but it's only rude if I do it

No. Plenty of posters have said both of you were rude.

That's fair enough I shouldn't have mentioned the school situation. However I was taken back by the rudeness as although people don't do it to me I would never make a huffy comment to them about it!

OP - you're rude if you don't thank people. Other people who don't thank you or each other are also rude.
It doesn't matter where it happens, when it happens, how it happens, why it happens or who's involved - a lack of thank you or acknowledgement is rude.
Maybe if you start saying thank you it'll catch on and soon everyone everywhere will be polite!

I probably wouldn't have huffed and puffed about it like she did, but I would have expected a thank you as that's what I would do.

Is it just me or is anyone else really craving a toasted cheese sandwich after reading this thread??!

I'll bring the Worcestershire sauce Rebeccaslicker

I can't decide whether to go classic strong cheddar on granary or mix it up with goats cheese and roasted veg with a drizzle of pesto, Jon...!