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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask are children with siblings happier?

200 replies

Anyoneanytimeanywhere · 02/11/2017 12:35

I have ds 2.6 happy outgoing little boy, a bit boisterous.
I thought he would be an only child after horrible delivery and not so perfect pelvic floor.
I would love another baby but worry about damage from a future birth.
Recently I look at families with 2 or more dc and the relationship that the siblings have together. I have 2 siblings and dp has one and I couldn’t imagine life without them.
So now I’m thinking should I have another. Are children who have siblings happier because of this? If you were an only child did you miss not having a sibling? Do you miss not having a sibling as an adult?
This is not meant to offend anyone it’s just question and please be honest either way but kind. My ds may remain an only child.

OP posts:

user1482573375 · 03/11/2017 15:59

I have one 8 yr old son. My DP didn't want anymore. I had a miserable childhood and I still hanker after the 2 siblings close together, perfect ideal. BUT I don't have anything to do with my older brother, who is a t**t and I am close to younger brother. His only son is 5yrs old, my son and him are like brothers. My DP's brother has 2 girls, one of whom my son is very close to and is in his class at school. They are 6 weeks apart. So he has that sibling type relationship. He has lots of friends, is popular etc, but loves his own space. Obviously if he didn't have those relationships, things would be harder. But don't think siblings will be close when older or help with aging parents. I will have sole care of elderly father. Friends in my experience are more important.

Numberonecook · 03/11/2017 16:06

You can never tell. I hated my brother, all we did was fight and now we are grown ups we still do. We have nothing in common and my mother’s life was a misery from the moment he was born to the moment I moved out when I was 17. So was mine and so was his. I’d long to go to grandparents to get away from him and he’d do the same. I would of been happier as an only child and I’m sure he would of been too.

However. I have 3 children. After my first I never wanted anymore because of the experience with my brother. I didn’t want that for him and I wanted him to be an only child. But accidents happen and his sister came along 5 years later, then 3 years after that another sister. Although they argue (now 15, 10 and 7) they totally love each other. They share lovely moments and experiences and are always looking out for each other. My sons told me he’s glad his sisters are here as hed be so sad and lonely without them.

When they argue people ask if it drives me mad. I say no at least I’m not my mother lol. So I’d say some children maybe happier, some not so. All depends on the throw of the dice.

Sorry not much help

mamasiz · 03/11/2017 16:14

I have had a terrible experience of siblings which I won’t go into here. DH is an only child, as is my dad, and I’m his only child. I would cross the road to avoid my siblings. I’m currently pregnant and am adamant that little one will be my only one. No-one can convince me otherwise. Do what is right for you and don’t have another child for your child or anyone else.

Aspiringcatlady · 03/11/2017 16:20

My DS is 9.5 and an only child. My DH and I have decided we do not want anymore children. He is more than happy as an only child, that is just how his family is and he has never once said he is lonely/unhappy.

Juanbablo · 03/11/2017 16:50

My brother and I fought like cat and dog growing up. But we are both in our late 20s now and get on so well. Our parents are both gone and we have had a really difficult time of things so it has been so great to have each other to lean on.

I have 3 children ages 10, 7 and 3 and Ds1 and dd have a love/hate relationship but generally do get on. They both adore ds2 and he them. Seeing them all together warms my heart.

But I know only children who are perfectly happy that way too.

JustDanceAddict · 03/11/2017 16:55

I can’t speak for others but I am an only child and always hated being an only! My parents had me later in life so it felt there was a big gulf, my cousins were much older than me etc and my parents’ friends’ children were too so I wasn’t brought up amongst kids my age if that makes sense. As an adult I thrive on company, have a lot of friends and I think it’s because I was quite lonely as a child ( although I had friends it wasn’t the same as having a sibling around). I have two children myself and they are good company for each other (they’re close in age).

harrietm87 · 03/11/2017 17:19

I've got twin siblings 18months younger, so all very close in age. I hated them when they were born and we fought loads as children and teens, but also had so many good times and now get on great as adults. They are extremely close to each other and still spend their birthday together etc. I know they'll be there for me no matter what and I think it's hard to get that with friends or more distance family. It's also great to have those shared memories and experiences. I'm pregnant and glad that my child will have aunts and uncles and hopefully soon cousins (DH also one of 3). I wouldn't be without them and I definitely want more than one child.

PinguDance · 03/11/2017 17:21

A relative of mine hated her brother so much that she didn't see him from when she was 15 - UNTIL HE DIED. She didn't even know he had died until months after. And she didn't particularly care. Absolutely no sibling bond ever emerged between them despite being close in age and he made her early life miserable.

An extreme anecdote but goes to show how unpredictable sibling relationships can be.

fortifiedwithtea · 03/11/2017 17:32

I am an only child, I went through hell to give my daughter a sibling. I really shouldn't have bothered. She is the type who would love to be the only one. The girls are 4 years apart and don't get on.

I've noticed that siblings who are very different in
age get on better. Ten years plus works well.

Mittens1969 · 03/11/2017 17:32

My DDs are 3 years apart, they are both adopted but birth siblings. We made the decision to adopt DD2 so that they would be together. They love each other to bits but DD1 (now 8) does struggle with jealousy towards DD2 (5), as she’s a lot more popular at school and doesn’t have her particular difficulties.

Sometimes I wonder if DD1 would have been happier on her own, like their 2 other birth siblings are, but I wouldn’t want to be without DD2 and they do share a special bond which will be important to them in years to come.

Mittens1969 · 03/11/2017 17:37

I have 2 siblings myself, a DSis 2 years younger who I’m very close to and a DB 2 years older who I hardly see now. So that’s very mixed.

RELIANT82 · 03/11/2017 20:23

I am an only "child" and I love it. I think it's made me more outgoing as had to make friends on holidays etc to play with,otherwise hang around with my parents for weeks, although I love spending time with them. I've got really strong bonds with my friends, who I also consider my family. Contrary to popular belief that only children are selfish and spoilt, I always wanted to share so I had people to play with and I am still generous. I obviously don't know any different and my friends that have siblings don't know any different either so who is to say what is better. We've had falling outs between brothers and sisters in our families, you don't get that as an only child obviously. It's not done me any harm, I never felt like I was missing out not having any siblings

Wally1983 · 03/11/2017 23:02

Someone once said to me you’ll never regret having another child but you could regret not...it’s kinda stuck in my head. More so recently as our son is 7 now and 19yo has moved out. 2 SC (the 19 yo! and 16 yo who visits now and again) so 7yo is feeling rather lonely and upset he doesn’t see his siblings the same. We were never not going to have any more but we never were if you know what I mean. Decision has been made to try for another and we’re both very excited. I think my son will be an amazing big bro, I just hope it happens :)

Deadsouls · 03/11/2017 23:11

I knew I wanted at least 2DCs because of my own experience as an only child.
I love seeing the relationship that they have now. They are 3 years apart and incredibly close. They play together, keep each other company and look out for one another.
My personal experience is that I longed for a sibling growing up and always envied my friends who had siblings. As an adult I still sometimes wish I had a sibling. It always felt like a huge loss to me not ever having that relationship.

Misty9 · 03/11/2017 23:22

If I knew what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have had children...but having had them, I wouldn’t wish they weren’t born, if that makes sense.

We had a second ‘for ds’ mainly - but it ended up —saving— helping me as ds is a challenging child and dd so far is much more reciprocal with her love and just easier all round. There’s just over 2.5 years between them and they adore each other. It helps that ds is a young child emotionally and mentally, and dd is (too bloody!) advanced for her age - so they sort of meet in the middle!

My vag and body are ruined though...

Misty9 · 03/11/2017 23:23

Oh, and I’m one of three and classic middle child. I used to be against having three due to my negative experiences, but I think it was more to do with my slightly rubbish parents.

iamyourequal · 03/11/2017 23:29

I reckon there are no right or wrongs OP. My DF and DH are both only children and report no hardship from that growing up. However there is no denying it can feel a bit of a burden as an adult being the only child.. all responsibility falls to you. Siblings can be great for sharing the load. As a previous poster reported too, one thing I have noticed is my DH had no tolerance for our children bickering and needling each other. He isnt familiar with it and always thinks we should intervene. I just let then sort it out for themselves. My sister and I used to fight like cat and dog!

TonicandLime · 04/11/2017 00:24

Mine - age 8 (1 year between them) adore each other so much that I have never really had to play with my children much as they do that together.

They still bicker though :) They are very close but that may change as they get older.

You never can tell..

Atenco · 04/11/2017 00:50

My dd was an only child and used to criticise me when I would recommend that my friends have more children, as all her friends just complained about their siblings.

AuntieBeast · 04/11/2017 00:59

It depends on the child(ren). I think my older child would be perfectly happy being an only (maybe even prefer it ) but I am equally sure my younger child is much happier having a sibling. They just have different personalities, temperaments, and needs.

I know families with happy singletons, miserable singletons, siblings who get along okay, siblings who fight every minute, and siblings who get on like a house afire. No way to predict any of it!

buncakes · 04/11/2017 07:23

When I was pregnant I swore this would be my only child. Of course now he is here I am doubting that decision. But the way I see it is I really need to want another baby 100% and can't say right now that I do. So my plan is to keep DS as an only, get the coil in but if an accident happens somewhere along the line I'll welcome it with open arms.

kittytom · 04/11/2017 18:23

I don't think it matters how many siblings a person has, I think the most important thing is that they are loved and feel connected to their parents.

Fwiw I have two siblings. I have been indifferent to them at times and they have irritated me at times! But I also like them a lot as people, and can't imagine them not being around. They have been 'there' all my life and we shared some very happy times as kids. But if they hadn't been around, I am sure I would have also been happy because my parents would have found other kids, neighbours etc for me to have fun times with - I wouldn't have known any different.

My Dad is an only child and is one of the most sociable, positive people I know!

whoareyoukidding · 04/11/2017 18:29

My family was very difficult when I was a child and I find it very hard to be objective about your question. My head tells me that if the parenting is good, then the children will be just fine, no matter how many you have.

DryIce · 04/11/2017 23:41

I have two sisters and have a good relationship with them both. I can't imagine growing up and not having siblings on family holidays and playing together etc.

So I will probably try and have a sibling for my baby at some point. I know I can't guarantee they will have the relationship I have with my sisters, but not having more will definitely guarantee he doesn't!

Beth666 · 10/12/2017 19:07

I have three siblings one brother and two sisters. I never liked them as a child. When I was infants school age my fantasy was that someone would come to the house and tell me they were my real parents and take me away! All I can remember is the constant noise, the overcrowding - having to share a bedroom (and bed for a while) with my brother - and the lack of privacy.
As an adult I've come to realise that I don't love my siblings at all. Even as adults they are still an annoyance.

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