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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask are children with siblings happier?

200 replies

Anyoneanytimeanywhere · 02/11/2017 12:35

I have ds 2.6 happy outgoing little boy, a bit boisterous.
I thought he would be an only child after horrible delivery and not so perfect pelvic floor.
I would love another baby but worry about damage from a future birth.
Recently I look at families with 2 or more dc and the relationship that the siblings have together. I have 2 siblings and dp has one and I couldn’t imagine life without them.
So now I’m thinking should I have another. Are children who have siblings happier because of this? If you were an only child did you miss not having a sibling? Do you miss not having a sibling as an adult?
This is not meant to offend anyone it’s just question and please be honest either way but kind. My ds may remain an only child.

OP posts:
Stringofpearls · 02/11/2017 12:58

Actually I don't think happiness is necessarily dependent on having a siblong or otherwise. I was very happy being an only child, others love having a brother or sister. I think there are many other factors that need to be taken into consideration.

Sarahh2014 · 02/11/2017 12:59

My ds is happy and an only child we made decision to have just one he has lots of friends cousins and attends and nursery

DaenerysismyQueen · 02/11/2017 12:59

There's a fairly big gap between my DB and I, 7 and half years. I hated being an only child and was chuffed when he arrived. We didn't really share a childhood given the gap but we are incredibly close as adults. He's a lovely uncle to my DS too which is a lovely bonus.

Fluffybrain · 02/11/2017 12:59

Seeing the very close relationship between My 2 DS is the best part of being a parent for me. They get on very well and prefer to sleep in the same bed together rather than in their separate bunks. There’s the usual bickering and “not sharing” scenarios and I like that because they learn so much from that. I’m glad I had 2 even though it was very hard being a single mum of 2 small children. I have a friend with one. He’s fine. But she spends a lot of time and money taking him out to activities to socialise with other kids out of school.
I don’t want any more kids. Mainly because my fanjo couldn’t take it!

Rebeccaslicker · 02/11/2017 13:00

I think it depends on your family and your child, OP.

2 of my best friends are only children. One hated it and went on to have 3 of her own. The other thinks it was bloody brilliant and is sticking at 1 herself.

piglover · 02/11/2017 13:00

Occasionally I wanted a sibling, but on the whole I had plenty of friends and was also excellent at playing on my own (I am a super-introvert and I do sometimes wonder if I'd have been less so if I'd had a sibling to interact with.) But like someone said up the thread, being an only child and dealing with unwell older parents has definitely been the worst part of only-dom for me.

AliPfefferman · 02/11/2017 13:02

OP if you really want another DC, would you consider an elective c-section? I has one emergency c-section and it was fine so the next one was elective. All things being equal of course vaginal birth is less risky but all things are not equal for you, and I wouldn’t let a c-section stand between me and a wanted second child.

Also I think a 3-4 year age gap is ideal. I think an only child can be very happy too, but if you want another one there’s no reason why you shouldn’t do it.

RedSkyAtNight · 02/11/2017 13:02

My DC are 20 months apart. It was great when they were younger as they had each other as playmates. Now they are secondary school age they can hardly bear to be in the same room as each other ...

BarbarianMum · 02/11/2017 13:03

It depends on the personality of the child, the relationship they have with their parents and the personality of all subsequent children. Ie you can only know in retrospect - and the answer may change throughout their lives. So better just to do what you want.

LushBlitzer · 02/11/2017 13:03

I'm not sure if having siblings is always better. Just look at the number of threads here complaining about unreasonable behaviour from siblings. And when they grow up, even the closest of siblings can end up hating each other over inheritance.
I sometimes think I will have just one and save them all the falling out in the future.

lifetothefull · 02/11/2017 13:07

Sounds like you should talk to your doctor about risks and possible ways forward for you to have a second dc so that you have some medical advice rather than just your own fear. It may be that they would recommend a planned cesarian.
For the record I'm an only child and I am happy as such, but sometimes still wish I had a sibling. I definitely wanted more than one dc myself.

Original poster
Anyoneanytimeanywhere · 02/11/2017 13:07

Ali - I don’t suppose I would really mind having an elective c section if that would prevent a mild prolapse getting worse? I know it’s a big op but the recovery from a Nasty vaginal delivery was horrible so could it really be much worse than that? I don’t know if the hospital would allow it for these reasons anyway I’m not sure.
I do want a second and one of the main reasons is a sIbling for ds but I would also like a second child for myself and dp and we have space and could just afford it.
Decisions decisions....

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 02/11/2017 13:08

DD is our only one, I sometimes think it would have been nice for her to have a sibling but it was not to be (I was too old really, in my view).
She seems happy enough though although I do wonder how it will affect her when me and DP are much older when the emotional/practical support of a sibling might have helped (if that makes sense, my DB was an incredible source of comfort when my DM died for instance).

ElizabethShaw · 02/11/2017 13:08

I have siblings and DH doesn't, and we both had happy childhoods. My sibs were playmates but we also fought and were horrible to each other a lot!

I think I appreciate my siblings most now that we are adults, we rely on each other a lot and my DC have cousins. There is lot of pressure on DH now his parents are old and unwell, everything falls to him.

kaytee87 · 02/11/2017 13:08

@Anyoneanytimeanywhere there is a 3.5yr age gap between my db and me and we were very close as children

elliejjtiny · 02/11/2017 13:09

It depends on the children really. My 6 year old loves being part of a big family (I have 5 DC) and my 9 year old would rather be an only child.

creepingbuttercupdrivesmemad · 02/11/2017 13:10

DS1 is three years older than DS2 and he has never recovered from the shock of having a sibling (even though he is 14 now). He is incredibly jealous and targets the younger one almost constantly Sad.

Notthisagainnow · 02/11/2017 13:11

Even if I was to conceive right now there would be over a three year gap so I don’t know if that would be too big for them to be close as children anyway.

I would call that a small age gap tbh. There are 9 year between my brother and I!

I'm having this dilemma ATM (see my thread on it!!). I don't particularly want another baby if I'm honest but I feel terribly guilty about DS not having a sibling.

YoloSwaggins · 02/11/2017 13:12

No, me and my brother hated each other growing up, he was an annoying shit who never let me sleep.

CryingShame · 02/11/2017 13:12

We never got the 2nd child we wanted, so don't presume you'll get a 2nd one. conceiving the 2nd one seems to be much more difficult than the first because of lack of sleep, stress levels etc.

I do know firends who spend their days mediating between their children's squabbles where if people fall out with DS they're just friends so we get to send them home. I don't have good memories of siblings on car journeys as a child so there are pros and cons to both.

Original poster
Anyoneanytimeanywhere · 02/11/2017 13:12

Creeping that sounds difficult. My ds can be jealous when he sees my with my baby neice he sometimes cries. Then I think is that more reason to have a second dc so he doesn’t grow up thinking it’s all about him if he has a tendency to be jealous.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anyoneanytimeanywhere · 02/11/2017 13:14

I agree cryingshame nothing at all is a given and I’m not getting younger either so I think if I’m going to do it I need to get on with it.
It’s getting over the if.

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 02/11/2017 13:14

Very much depends on the DC. Please don't have another assuming that they will be close with your DS.

I am close to my siblings. My best friend is no contact with hers.

AtlanticWaves · 02/11/2017 13:15

I have 2 boys, 2.7 years apart.

They usually get on really well and listening to them giggling together at 6.30am yesterday made my heart melt.

My DS1 was/is very intense. A totally unexpected consequence of having DS2 was that DS1 was "diluted" him in the family and it's done him the world of good.

DH was an only child and always enjoyed it.

SatelliteCity · 02/11/2017 13:15

I am an only child. I never minded it. I casually imagined having siblings but was always aware I might not get on with them or would have to share my parents' attention. I have one child and don't intend to have any more.

My grandmother was an only child and hated it (though I suppose it was a different era and much more unusual).

My mother has always been very close to her sister who is 4 years older.

My husband barely has a relationship with his sister (3 years younger) as she was aggressive and mean as a child and bullied him and hasn't improved much in adulthood.

There's no way to know, basically, so make the choice that will make YOU happy.

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