To ask are children with siblings happier?

[Anyoneanytimeanywhere]

I have ds 2.6 happy outgoing little boy, a bit boisterous.
I thought he would be an only child after horrible delivery and not so perfect pelvic floor.
I would love another baby but worry about damage from a future birth.
Recently I look at families with 2 or more dc and the relationship that the siblings have together. I have 2 siblings and dp has one and I couldn’t imagine life without them.
So now I’m thinking should I have another. Are children who have siblings happier because of this? If you were an only child did you miss not having a sibling? Do you miss not having a sibling as an adult?
This is not meant to offend anyone it’s just question and please be honest either way but kind. My ds may remain an only child.

think children roll with whatever they're given

Basically this.

I have five children, and whist they argue like cats and dogs they are all close and like spending time with one another. That said, my eldest daughter would have really benefitted from being an only child I think. She loves her siblings and is especially close to her younger sister, but she does find the amount of people in our house overwhelming at times.

My MIL is an only child and she hated it. However, she has a rose tinted view on having siblings. I don't believe for a minute that children with siblings are happier than those who don't have siblings.

Spaori -yes I did for bladder prolapse and it really did help but I hear a lot of people say it’s the weight of the pregnancy does the damage so who knows whether that’s true or not.
So obviously I would only want a section if it would prevent worsening, otherwise I would probably try for another normal delivery again.
Really I suppose the only way to guarantee would be no more dc, but I feel as if I want one more for me dp and my son to have a sibling.
I’m glad many people think if I don’t he will be fine however!

I had a very difficult first pregnancy hyperemesis throughout , miscarried a twin at 12 weeks, had problems at the 20week anomaly scan and bloods and then had a difficult birth requiring massive amounts of sutures and then fainted in the night and had to have a blood transfusion. That is why we left it nearly 6 yrs before we tried for a second , we knew ds didn’t want a sibling but hoped he would get over it . I do sometimes wonder how he would have been if we hadn’t lost the twin .

Flora that sounds like you had a really hard time and I’m not surprised it took you a while to make up your mind to try again.
Do you have a dc2 now? How is your ds with him?

I'm one of 3, hated it.
DH is one of 3, felt ignored.
DD is an only is really happy.

DH's mother is in a home with dementia, no one visits her. Her 2 daughters live to far way and DH does not feel he owns her anything.

My mother is housebound, no one visits her, I don't because of how she favoured my brother when were kids ( long back story) and he doesn't because he's moved to far way. Other brother out of the picture.

So having any amount of children will not make things easier when it comes to looking after elderly parents.

I see lots of parents trying to juggle time, money and commitments between kids. One 3 year olds spends 4 evenings a week sitting waiting for her elder sibling doing clubs.

My DD goes to PGL every year, many people tell me they'd love to send theirs but, can't afford it of, 2, 3 or 4 of them, little ones would be upset if big ones went without them etc.

Look at the posts about leaving older kids alone, most parents say they could trust the kids, but not together.

Sorry I posted upthread , he is 24 , dd is 18 and they manage to be civil at home because that’s what I insist on but as I said it’s nothing to do with the age difference .

You want another baby.... I suspect you might regret it if you talk yourself out of it with theoretical worries about sibling issues and medical fears. I would seek advice/support before TTC, you may need a different delivery plan ?caesarean and possibly even counselling/CBT to help with anxiety surrounding pregnancy/birth.

Depends on the sibling.
I was a wonderful sibling.

Good point I had an ELCS with the second and it was brilliant .

I've got an only child. He is happy, settled, and has excellent relationships with his younger cousins as well as with friends. He's not lonely at all.

He also benefits from the fact that I can afford to do things with him that I couldn't do if I had 2. (I am on a very low income.) I haven't said this to him, because it's a bit harsh, but another benefit is that I know he will be reasonably well provided-for when I'm gone, as he won't have to share his inheritance (my flat) with any siblings.

That sounds like wise words dances. When it’s put like that I don’t like the thought of in ten years or so coming up to the end of childbearing years and thinking I wished I had of just done it.
I wonder if everyone agonises over the decision this much or just gets on with it.

I have 2 DC who are close and get on amazing.

I have a brother who I don't get on with at all.

It's a gamble and it's your choice. Don't do it for your son. He'll be happy with 100% of your attention.

If you want another baby yourself I'd go for it. It's very rare to regret having children. FWIW we had the debate about DC2. Money, time, attention etc.

DD2 is 6 months old. She and 4yo DD1 absolutely adore each other so far. DD2 only laughed for DD1 at first; not me or DH. DD1 has never behaved jealously or had any resentment toward her sister, despite me needing to spend pretty much the whole first 6 months breastfeeding the baby.

They way DD2 smiles at DD1 and the way DD1 is so kind and loving toward her sister has made it all worth it.

Also I'm hoping that in 3 years they will play together and we might get some sunlounger time on holiday. 😂

I had more in exactly those circumstances but opted for a c section (NHS totally happy with this due to the problems last time round).

I would say it was probably worse for my eldest for the first 6-9 months but now he loves having it and they play really nicely with each other.

I am three years apart from my brother, I am the eldest, and I adored him. We got on fab as children. My boyfriend absolutely hated his elder brother, resented him and everything he did. Sibling good relationships are not guaranteed.

I would definitely consider a planned cs if you do go for another. I wouldn’t risk any more damage to the prolapse.

I have three and they quarrel occasionally but they olay well together and entertain each other. And when dh and I are old they can share any burden (I am aiming to not be a burden in any way possible for day to day things but bigger things like helping with selling the house for example). I encourage mine to be as nice and thoughtful to each other as possible and spend a lot of time (and money!) making sure they don’t feel resentful towards each other.

I don't know if they're happier as such, but I do think generally it enhances their upbringing in many ways. I think it's very important children understand they are part of a bigger picture and that the world doesn't revolve around them, and having siblings exposes them to that very early on.
There's no guarantee they'll get on at any stage of life, but seeing my DC interact together independently of me and grow up alongside each other has been the single best part of parenting.

I was terrified about having DS2 as I was so worried how it would effect DS1s life. It actually ruined my pregnancy! Now he's here (early days 8weeks) I feel he has made my relationship with DS1 less intense, in a good way. I'm not there helicopter parenting him and 'making moments' that were probably for my benefit. There's less pressure being a mother of 2 (but more to do!).

Im an only child and wish I had siblings. It was lonely growing up as even with loads of friends there's still a load of family time spent alone. And as an adult I wish I had someone else to share the caring load for my elderly parents with. My kids are each others closest supports and playmates and it makes me all the more aware of what I missed out on. I know all siblings don't necessarily get on, but mostly they seem to at least rub along amicably in adulthood. My df has one he gets on with like a house on fire, and one he hates. I'd prefer that than not having any!

Sorry, but you did ask!

Oh, and family tickets for days out and family rooms in hotels are for 4 so it can actually work out not that much more expensive! (Apart from another round of bastarding child care!)

Primary so you had 1 or 2 more with bladder prolapse. Did it stay the same with a c section?
Cptart I know what you mean ds is the centre of the world in family life being the only child on my side and I don’t think this is necessarily a good thing.

And as an adult I wish I had someone else to share the caring load for my elderly parents with.

I am the youngest of four, frogsoup, and I can assure you that being part of a big family - even quite a loving one - does not mean that there will be anybody at all to share the caring load, when the time comes.

I was told it would get worse with any subsequent pregnancy but actually has gradually improved over time and didn’t get worse with c section, aside from a brief period immediately post natal.

It seems like there is no one way of knowing for sure whether or not a sibling will benefit a child. As someone pointed out there are just so many other variables. It’s interesting seeing everyone’s different perspectives.
Thanks everyone for your insight.

It's very rare to regret having children.

I don't think it is actually. I think it's just that people don't admit to it because it's so shameful.