Dh made me feel like shit

[Vickytoria72]

Dh and I have 2dc a 6yr ds and 21mth ds. So my dh gets home from work sits down and the first thing he says to me is "you know that I love you". Now that got me wondering what he wanted/had done, he then looked at my stomach and without saying it implied I was fat. At first I was stunned then I had to leave the room and have a cry in the bathroom, he did come up stairs and apologise which I wasn't ready to accept. He knows how self conscious I am of my body at the best of times. It just took me back to when I was was bullied at school. I know my body is far from perfect, but I've only gone up from a size 12 to a 14 since we've been together. Aibu to still be upset with him.

“You know that I love you” then looking at OP’s stomach is very different than coming in from work and saying “ I love you “.

There are two conflicting schools of thought here:

1. How dare he say something about your weight?!! LTB

2. I'd want my loved one to let me know and encourage me to get healthier if I became overweight.

I'm really sorry OP, but you are overweight. He told you because he is concerned and he loves you. He wasn't insulting you.

He sounds like a good partner and once you've got over the embarrassment, you should listen to what he's telling you.

You might want to read something and learn a bit. The Stepford Wives would be educational for you
I've read it, which is why I know the reference makes zero sense in this context.

There is a reason the song about the perfect 10. It about normal women with a bit of fat. Above it you get fat and 14 is obese

😂😂😂 your basing your size 14 isn’t healthy bullshit on a song! You so need to get out more love

Im on the other side, my DP is very overweight. There are health problems it is causing and DP has said they are not happy with the weight. I have suggested gym, healthy eating and have been told that Im not nice to mention it. So I don't. I feel for you, but I feel there is no nice way to say it (although there are certainly better ways than others). I can only imagine he says it out of love as he sat you down to speak about it rather than throwing a 'you're fat' comment. Perhaps suggest that he helps you with any goals you have - it sounds like he would probably be supportive

Falnui isnt the perfect 10 song about celebrating people of all sizes

How on earth is a size 14 obese?? Surely it depends on your body shape, height and weight.

Fine a legal midget will look different but the average women 14 is obese and op admits she is too

Like I told you already, I'm a 12-14 and am a healthy weight, not even overweight, let alone obese.
you don't understand anything.

BTW 4ft 11 would not make you a "legal midget" which is pretty offensive anyway.

messy why not? Think about it some more.

Hand grenade thread?

I think it is ok to sensitively express concern about a partner's weight, health or appearance. Sometimes out of concern for them and also because physical attraction to a partner is one of the things that keeps a marriage going. Better to say something early on than to walk quietly out the door in 5 years.

I don't get what Stepford Wives has to do with anything @messyjessy said

But maybe I'm just thick

Nothing, YOLO. PP was trying to be clever, and failed.

So you’ve joined the size 14 is fat have you Gothandtired with your lovely I'm really sorry OP, but you are overweight comment

Are you Falnui with a name change?

Have you seen op body in real life? Do you know how much she weighs or her height? No I didn’t think so, therefore you actually don’t know if size 14 is overweight or not for op

A size 14 can mean many women are a perfectly healthy weight

No I've not.

I just think that if her DH feels the need to point it out, she probably is carrying more weight than she should be.

size 14 is obese and op admits she is too Umm no OP hasn’t said she is obese

Well that escalated quickly! Poor OP. Guess we'll never know what her DH actually meant because all the bile on here will have sent her running for the hills!

Time to get out a ruler and measure his willy Haha amazing! This made my day. OP your DH may have honourable intentions woth regards to your health, however your mental health is equally as important and he has jeopardised that in implying you are overweight.

When you married, did you both agree it was important for you both to stay 'in shape', etc? For example, my DH often tells me he would adore me if I was "as big as a house" all the time! I'm 8 weeks post-baby so not exactly looking my best! I WISH I was a 14 right now haha!

I agree with posts asking how you feel. 14 can be a very healthy size! How do you feel? Do you have energy? Sleep well?

Ultimately, I think you and all women should feel beautiful and desirable at any shape/size, and love transcends the physical form! Only make changes for you.

As for your DH, lessons in the subtle art of hint-dropping might fall on deaf ears! Tell him how important it is to you that he finds you attractive for who you are and how you are. That's what you deserve.

"You know I love you"

There was a silent "but" after that bit. He served you up a shit sandwich. I'd be upset and annoyed. Probably throw a twix at him.

When you married, did you both agree it was important for you both to stay 'in shape', etc?

This is actually really interesting and relevant. Of course everybody's marriage works differently.

My DH is prone to getting fat very quickly and not realising. He actively asks me to pull him up on it when he does.

Your DH did not set out to make you feel shit, you feel shit because of what is going on in your own head. If you are happy with your body, fine. If you are not, do something about it, don’t blame your DH.

My husband, my mother and a couple of friends told me I needed to lose weight earlier this year, they were right, I was 3 stone over a healthy weight and at risk of diabetes and arthritis if I hadn't taken action. My DH, like yours, was keen to emphasise he loved me. I'm very grateful to my family for being realistic with me. I'm getting loads of compliments and feel great now all but a few pounds of the surplus is gone. If you weigh more than a healthy weight and you have a family] you really owe it to them to lose the extra pounds.

Thank you for that.