Dh made me feel like shit

[Vickytoria72]

Dh and I have 2dc a 6yr ds and 21mth ds. So my dh gets home from work sits down and the first thing he says to me is "you know that I love you". Now that got me wondering what he wanted/had done, he then looked at my stomach and without saying it implied I was fat. At first I was stunned then I had to leave the room and have a cry in the bathroom, he did come up stairs and apologise which I wasn't ready to accept. He knows how self conscious I am of my body at the best of times. It just took me back to when I was was bullied at school. I know my body is far from perfect, but I've only gone up from a size 12 to a 14 since we've been together. Aibu to still be upset with him.

What did he do that was rude? He tried to being up your weight sensitively ensuring you know he still loves you. Why are couples not allowed to talk about each others bodies, weight, health? As someone who has suffered with eating disorders when my DP brings up my weight it can hurt but he is doing it because he loves me and he wants to help, we are in this together.
People telling her to get a new husband!? What one that isn’t concerned about her health and just sits by and let’s her eat or starve herself to death?

Falnui, you're either a troll or a dick so I'm gonna choose to ignore you now coz obviously everyone over a size 10 is huge in your eyes

I feel like everyone is getting their emotions in the way of giving you a clear answer. It’s difficult because it depends so much on your relationship. I would absolutely be upset if my partner commented on my weight BUT I would absolutely respect how hard it would be for him to bring up and know he was just doing it because he hates seeing me feel crap about myself.
My DP has actually put on weight lately and we discuss it because it breaks my heart that he feels self conscious about it. I do alway assure him I love him anyway which is what your DP did so let’s not be too harsh on him.
I genuinely think he has your best interests at heart in that he wants you to feel good about yourself. Obviously others disagree but only you know your relationship and the way in which he was insinuating this to you.
Chin up though! It’s a tough thing to hear x

I find comments like that massively depressing.

I find many things massively depressing but I don’t need to swan about like a dying duck in a thunderstorm with a hand to my brow and the other smoting my breast because someone didn’t actually say anything but looked vaguely in my direction.

Without getting into one of those over excited cut and paste referencing wanky debates, Which involves an infinite amount of wimmin anecdotally telling us how wonderfully spot on DH is with sensitivities, there are numerous scientific studies out in the ether, proper ones, done by real scientists at universities, that tell us men, largely are clueless don’t pick up on body language and signals in the same way women do. There. Happy now? This board is so literal. Even my autistic child isn’t as literal as a very large proportion of posters on MN - AND yes I'm well aware I've used 'autistic child' as opposed to child with autism because that’s how he refers to himself - if that's ok with the majority who are habitually offended on behalf of the entire world ?

Pandora

Because some people apologise out of sympathy or empathy, not necessarily blame.
My dh is poorly atm, he has a debilitating illness.
I tell him I'm sorry for most of the day, I'm not accepting responsibility or blame for his illness.
Maybe the dh has noticed that the OP is down recently, and was apologising for the fact that just saying he loved her, had such a reaction.

Keepingupwiththejonesys I think a dick and a troll

How odd that someone thinks a size 14 is unhealthy!! Dress size is not a true representation of weight 👍🏻

OP have you spoken to him since? I have to admit before I fell pregnant I put a fair bit of weight on (medication related sadly) & I used to ask my OH if he was falling out of love with me because of my flabby tummy. He was very tactful & told me he was worried I was getting bigger but not because he would stop loving me, but because he knew it would stress me out. Although it was hard to hear it from someone else, the way he said it didn't make me feel like he was digging or poking at me. The way a person implies or says something can have such a difference in how it is taken.

Maybe tell him you feel he was insensitive about the way he approached it. And don't let somebody else dictate to you whether you need to lose weight or not. If you are comfortable & healthy in yourself then stick with it. Change for you nobody else

Oh and for the whole of posters who are all going in about the fact that asize 14 isn’t a healthy weight.

Have you actually THOUGHT before posting?
The OP has specifically stated she is very self concious since being bullied as a teenager.
Did you really want to add to that and made her feel even more bullied and unconfortable? Because I can tell you that’s exactly what you have done. Bullied a woman on her weight, judging her on her appearance wo even having seeing her!

I doubt that the OP is going to come back. I actually hope she doesn’t. Because none of those posts will be helpful at all for her.
And I thought MN was supposed to be supportive

I don't really see what he's done wrong. For starters, this is complete speculation and "reading into it".

Second, what is a partner for if not to be completely honest? Me and my boyfriend always say to each other "please be honest and TELL me if i get fat". If OP's husband did indeed mean this, he was actually being fairly sensitive about it. How else would you go about saying it?

Falnui

Marilyn Monroe was size 16 and gorgeous.
Size has nothing to do with weight, dumbo.

messyjessy

The only 'frothing' I see is from you.

Not everyone wants to live in Stepford.

@gillybeanz, she was 34-24-36 and not more than a modern day size 10. That size 16 thing is a myth.

The only 'frothing' I see is from you

might want to open your eyes then. Stepford? Wtf are you on about?

I'm currently wearing size 14 jeans amd I just used the NHS BMI thingy. My result was 'Healthy'.

Marilyn Monroe was size 16 and gorgeous

No, and yes.

MM was what would now be a US 6 or a UK 10.

Shall we all just ignore falnui he/ she is clearly ignorant.

Op, if you’re in tears at the merest indication you need to lose a little weight, then you’re clearly overly sensitive to it and not happy with your weight, What are you doing to help youtself there? Being so unhappy that if anyone even nods to it, you cry,

I’ve put on weight in thr past, my husband mentioned it to me, I just thought yeah you’re right. We are clearly different, but if anyone alluding to it upsets you so much, I think you need to sort that.

American and British sizing is vastly different - A UK 14 is a USA 10 - we size much larger .

Thanks I agree size 10 is curvy to still not fat. Size 14 is just obese

You're an idiot.

Do you think a size 14 looks the same on someone who is 4 ft 11 as it does on someone 6ft tall?

might want to open your eyes then. Stepford? Wtf are you on about?

You might want to read something and learn a bit. The Stepford Wives would be educational for you.

Falnui is clearly bored. Just ignore the plonker!

@gillybeanz

Of course size lots to do with weight, when I gain weight I go up in size and when I loose weight I go down a size. Yes their are other factors such as height but someone is kidding themselves if they think them being plus size had ‘nothing’ to do with their weight.