Dh made me feel like shit

[Vickytoria72]

Dh and I have 2dc a 6yr ds and 21mth ds. So my dh gets home from work sits down and the first thing he says to me is "you know that I love you". Now that got me wondering what he wanted/had done, he then looked at my stomach and without saying it implied I was fat. At first I was stunned then I had to leave the room and have a cry in the bathroom, he did come up stairs and apologise which I wasn't ready to accept. He knows how self conscious I am of my body at the best of times. It just took me back to when I was was bullied at school. I know my body is far from perfect, but I've only gone up from a size 12 to a 14 since we've been together. Aibu to still be upset with him.

That’s blokes for you?

DH wouldn’t dream of being that insensitive.

falnui
I’m overweight. What am I supposed to do about losing weight then? I have ME pretty severely so can’t exercise due to disablilty.

Fat shamers at their best .

A size 14 is not a healthy weight The op hasn’t put her height or how much she weighs so for OP a size 14 could be a perfectly healthy weight. You do know a healthy weight varies for different people don’t you Or is that too hard for you to understand?

So op says she is sensitive about her body and you still feel the need to stick that boot in about a size 14 and tell her it’s not healthy? Sometimes this place is like the mean girls at school

Size 14 is not a healthy weight

FFS

falnui

LOL!!!

Plank

My wife keeps telling me to lose weight. I know I need to.

If I felt I should leave her because she speaks to me about these things I'd be a complete tosser.

He obviously was implying the OP was overweight as he went and apologised!
Yes, because no-one in the history of time has ever apologised when someone's burst into tears in front of them! FFS it's an instinctive reaction to say sorry in that situation. The poor bloke didn't say a word and yet the OP has to go away and cry?

If your partner can’t accept you the way you are, no matter what size you are that’s pretty shit.

What is his body like, OP? I assume he has washboard abs?

He went about it in a horrible way. You're not wrong to be upset.

Seriously ladies, chill out. An entire thread of calling a man names because he LOOKED at OP.
Get a grip.

That’s blokes for you?

I find comments like that massively depressing.

Size 14 is not a healthy weight

Not sure how you're working that out, size 14 isn't a weight.....

FFS! I can't believe some of the stupid and insensitive replies that the OP has recieved on this thread! It's pretty clear from the original post that the OP's husband made a deliberate gesture towards the OP's stomach, he already said 'you know that I love you' because he knew what was coming next would hurt her! What an arsehole. OP, a size 14 is nothing!!! 'It's not obese, and actually how tall you are plays a very significant part here anyway - any dress size would look completely different on somebody who is 5ft compared to somebody who is 6ft forinstance. You do not need to be told by anybody to lose weight, and if you decide to do so then do it when you are ready and in your own. You shouldn't be humiliated by somebody who is supposed to love you, what he did was hurtful and unnesscessary. I take it your husband is perfect and flawless then? He must be if sees fit to pass judgement on you like this. He clearly needs reminding that any weight gain you've had (which sounds very minimal anyway) is as a result of having two children, which are a direct result of him having sex with you, and as such us 50% responsible for causing it in the first place.

Sod him. I"m sure you look lovely. He needs to stop being so bloody shallow.

He loves you and was telling you.
My dh says this all the time as when you have been through a lot of lifes ups and downs you realise how much the other person means to you.
It sounds like your dh was being honest, and you do sound a bit unreasonable tbh.

But why apologise Gilly?

Falnui, my friend is 6 foot, her bmi is 22/23 and she wears a 14. My bmi is 27 at the moment, I'm loading weight nice and steadily since having my third child. I'm wearing a 16 and will definitely be wearing a 14 once my bmi is 25, which is healthy. I have really big boobs. When I got my bmi down to 21 I was still wearing a 12....total fatty though I guess

Are YOU happy with your weight, OP?

If so, tell him that and that he was clumsy and he hurt you.

If not, then could you try and take something good out of it - let it inspire you to do something about it.

When I was much younger I had an evening job in an estate agency. One day a man rang up and said he'd been talking to someone about a flat the night before. I asked who. He said, "I didn't catch her name but she was a big girl." Pause. "I mean, er, she was really nice, she was just, er..."

I knew he meant me because the only other person in there with me the night before was tiny. I cried for about an hour but then I realised I was crying because actually I was big (much bigger than a 14 at 5'8"!) and I HATED it. I joined the gym on my way home and whilst I would never have been mistaken for my tiny colleague, it helped me to shift quite a lot of weight.

Losing weight definitely not loading it I hope!!

That is a simpleton's view. Grow up. Like the 'ladies' on here

It's really not. You're all frothing about a second hand recounting of a non verbal encounter. Do you not see how stupid that is?

Just to add, some of these comments are ridiculous.
He probably apologised because she was upset, not because it was his fault she was upset.
The first thing he said was "you know that I love you" which is lovely.
OP then decides to take offence at his comment.
Surely, if you aren't sure why somebody says something at a particular time you ask, not be suspicious, offended and burst into tears.

TBH, H is very good at saying things wo saying them. A look is often enough to convey a lot of things, incl contempt or ‘oh look how fat you are’.
saying that he never said it with words and therefore it never happened is crap tbh.

If the OP felt he was judging her and her body weight, then I’m pretty certain he was.

OP have you been able to talk to him again? What did he say?