...to think it's possible to go back to work full time after mat leave?

[Jumperoux]

Would work 37 hours over 4 days with DD in nursery. Every other week she would be in nursery on the 5th day of the week so I can do overtime. She'll be 12 months and a bit.

Please give me your best tips. I'm hoping to still be breastfeeding morning/bedtime. I've heard that without daytime feeds then babies can start waking more in the night when mother goes back to work? And the idea of leaving the house for 7:20 fills me with dread. Will I be expected to give her breakfast before nursery? Any tips more than welcome. Wondering if I've made a mistake saying I'll go full time.

The cost of nursery will go down as your child gets older though. So going back to work is a long term strategy.

I did it first time round and it was fine. I got a lot of judgey comments from family and friends though. Some people don't have a choice. It will be fine. The first few weeks might be tough as you both adjust to it.

It works a lot better if there is any way you can share the nursery drop-offs/ pick-ups and illnesses.
What made it not work for me was the inflexibility of DH's job. It's hard doing everything and I know single parents do it but it's so exhausting. Also, have an in depth conversation with him about house work. I know you have a cleaner but what about cooking/washing and all the other jobs? After that long at work don't let everything fall to you.
Yes it's perfectly doable working full time with a baby in nursery, it's everything else around it that is hard to get done and can cause stress. Or you end up spending all weekend cleaning. Outsource as much as you can afford to. A

Also, I wish we'd had a nanny. Mine were ill constantly. You need to share this or have a very sympathetic employer (I didn't).

Of course it is possible. I went back to work FT when DS was 9 months old - he settled in really well at nursery and really loves it there. It is also perfectly possible to continue breastfeeding - I am still feeding him in the morning and evenings now (17 months). A few thoughts from my personal experience:

1. DS did reverse-cycle a bit, but his sleep was always poor (he still doesn't sleep through) so it didn't make much of a difference. It also only lasted a few weeks - now he wakes but it is not to feed.

1. Get your partner on board from day one - he also needs to commit to being able to be home when he needs to be. If that involves changing his role, then he needs to do so. DD is both of your child - therefore both of you need to make adjustments to make family life work.

1. I had originally intended to express and give DS breastmilk during the day, but found expressing really difficult so ended up having the nursery give him formula during the day. He had never had a bottle, so he just used the sippy cup from which he had water with meals. I continued to breastfeed him morning and night, and he gradually stopped wanting the formula at nursery - he doesn't have it at all now. I did have to express a tiny bit at work for the first few weeks to relieve the pressure on my breasts (DS had still been feeding multiple times a day when I went back to work) but that petered out after a few weeks as well.

1. Try to find out what the nursery meal / nap schedule is and start to use the same schedule at home to ease the transition.

1. Most nurseries will give three (or more) meals per day, but we have found that DS wants breakfast before he goes and dinner when he gets home anyway (not large portions, though).

1. As PP have said, prepare for the onslaught of illness in the first few months - they pick up every germ going for a few months and you will almost certainly need to take a few days off (as will your partner) when DD is too sick to go to nursery. If you have any family or friends nearby who could do some emergency childcare it is always worth having them lined up as well (for the awkward occasions when both you and your partner have really important meetings that you are struggling to reschedule).

1. Don't worry about having to leave on time. Just set expectations very clearly with absolutely everyone you work with - you need to leave at a certain time and it is just not negotiable. If anyone tries to schedule a meeting / give you some work at the end of the day make sure that you remind them (in a polite and friendly manner, of course) that you need to leave at x time and you will not be able to meet / have a call / do this work after that time.

I have really enjoyed being back at work, and DS really loves nursery. The first few weeks were definitely tough - I cried when I picked him up for the first few days. But you will all quickly get into the swing of things. Good luck!

My top tip is to put them in a LS babygro at night and then just put them in jogging bottoms over the babygro in the morning. Makes things much faster. Plan your wardrobe for the week and shower/do hair the night before so you can just have quick wash in the morning. Big stack of clean muslins and put a fresh one on your shoulder so you don’t get puke on your suit every day.

The leaving on time thing killed my career though so if you are likely to be the higher earner, I’d reweight your respective careers.

I went back 3 days on 5 days pay using holiday for the first 3 months - made sickness easier to deal with and got us both used to it before the hours ramped up.

neither of mine got ill at nursery - they both went from 6 months full time till school age

Yes, I was glared at for leaving the office at 6, for my hour commute home, to see my children for about 20 minutes. So you need to have a thick skin and love your job.

I went back full time when my son was 8 months old, I breastfed him for another 7.5 months after that. He was sick a lot early on but settled fine.

I did it twice with babies of under 6 months and many of my colleagues have done it. I had a long commute and demanding job. it's absolutely doable - I think nursery provides breakfast. I'd chose a very convenient nursery to cut down stress. I carried on breastfeeding morning/evening for about a year and they adjusted fairly quickly. First few weeks were difficult, but it was fine. My partner was able to split drop off and pick up which helped, but no other help. I have single parent friends and colleagues who have also done this. It's just a question of getting into a new routine. Use the holiday you've accumulated over mat leave to give yourself a few flexible days at the beginning. I was lucky my children didn't get ill at all, so it's not inevitable. I chose nursery over CM or nanny as it was a more reliable source of care - not dependent on one person. The staff there would also bring home and babysit in an emergency (that was obviously a private arrangement and I paid them extra).

The leaving on time thing killed my career though so if you are likely to be the higher earner, I’d reweight your respective careers.

^This

It’s doable but is life enjoyable?

It’s doable but is life enjoyable?

Not really the point is it, needs must.

FWIW I only work part time but if the only options were work full time or be a SAHM I'd rather work full time. DS runs me ragged on my days off!

We leave at 6.30, been fine until dark mornings which dd doesn't like, also now she's dropped her nap it's difficult in the evening. Try and get done days working from home it's been a life saver for me

Following with interest. My daughter has had settling in this week at a nursery very convenient to my workplace, I’m easing back up to full time by using annual leave. I was torn as to whether to request compressed hours but I think I’ll stick to five short days and revisit when she’s settled properly.

Also leaving early hasn't affected my career, at all I work hard when here then forget about it, and I find I am more effective and less stressed than pre children.

Who’s to say whether it’s a “needs must” situation though? I survive on less money now I’m part time, but yet wouldn’t take the extra step of having no income at all, which some would quite easily.
I can’t deny being part time has affected my career, as I’m sure it has, but I did bloody love those days at home with small children.
(And I also loved that it wasn’t everyday!)

Thank you all so so much. Really great advice and tons to think about.

I'm going back full time because I love my job and I've been going slowly mad on mat leave without something to stretch me. But for now DH is the larger wage earner and my parental leave deal is excellent (6 months full pay, 6 months half pay) and BF is very important to me so I will be off for 13 months nearly and don't regret taking full leave.

Nursery is £56 a day. So I think a nanny would only be more economical when hypothetical DC2 is on the scene. The idea of being an employer stresses me out too.

It does very much depend on the culture where you work @Alicetherabbit. My former place of work regularly scheduled meetings at 6pm. As a single parent, I couldn’t stretch to a nanny. I don’t know anyone operating at the level I was at who doesn’t have a nanny or largely SAH partner.

@jiggytuff I may have been lucky with employer, but from the outset I said I had to finish at certain time, if they want later meetings then it is conference call from home. There is flexibility from me to, on days I have alternatives I stay in the office until late. However I got to senior management level pre children and I admit it's easier to maintain, than move up the ladder now.

Nurseries are used to babies being dropped off early - some babies arrive in their pjs having just been moved from cot to car seat. I used to breastfeed dd when she was 14 months at night and first thing but she drank whatever nursery gave her during the day.

I was senior management too! It was very much a cultural thing/nature of the role - I (and more senior team members) were regularly in the office until late night (post 9pm) when we were working to big deadlines.

Really just depends on the role.

I work in a competitive industry and yes leaving on time does limit work but remember most adults become parents or know lots of parents!

I have worked for many senior figures who actively made sure I got out of the door on time every day.

Sproglet was BF on demand until shortly before I went back to work at 14mo x in hindsight I probably would have tried to taper more. (to morning/eve/night)I did at least have the option of sleeping in another room if she got too mithery at night (DP SAHD). Also, keeping a soppy cup of water if she woke up at night satisfied her.

(BF has not helped stop her from getting colds etc at nursery!)

I went back to work both times after 12 months. My DCs nursery gave them breakfast. I allowed extra time in the morning for morning breastfeed before we ‘got up’ so it wasn’t rushed. And then still had the bedtime feed too. They are/drank as normal during the day, both happy to drink cows milk from a cup from 12 months. Nothing sticks out in my memory about extra night wakings or anything so it can’t have been too noticeable! I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Went back full time when DD was four months. Did 7.30am to 5.00pm (and logging back on later in the evening). Meant leaving the house at 6.30am.

• DH did morning drop off and I did evening pick up.
• All meals were taken at nursery (and delicious and nutritious meals they were).

-cleaning lady twice a week and all ironing sent out so did strictly no housework.

So yes doable and enjoyable if you like your job.

Good luck.