...to think it's possible to go back to work full time after mat leave?

[Jumperoux]

Would work 37 hours over 4 days with DD in nursery. Every other week she would be in nursery on the 5th day of the week so I can do overtime. She'll be 12 months and a bit.

Please give me your best tips. I'm hoping to still be breastfeeding morning/bedtime. I've heard that without daytime feeds then babies can start waking more in the night when mother goes back to work? And the idea of leaving the house for 7:20 fills me with dread. Will I be expected to give her breakfast before nursery? Any tips more than welcome. Wondering if I've made a mistake saying I'll go full time.

Its only fair to report that I can think of at least 2 female high flying friends close to burnout at near 40 after years of attempting to lean in, plus myself. Partly top jobs burn anyone out as hard to work lots of hours for years on end whether you’re a parent or not!

There is plenty of middle between SAHP and pursuing a fast paced more than ft job though. Unlike sheryl sandberg, I also think it’s possible to work 4 (not compressed) days a week whilst your dc are pre-Primary age and then lean in later on when you are more able to put the hours in.

I agree in part. I have a normal job for a large company reasonable but not particularly high salary. I was 4 days until dd2 started school then went 5, but I took quite a bit of parental leave last year so I had most of the school holidays off. I still CBA to get promoted though because it would make my life harder and for not much more money. I like being able to take extra time off without anyone really saying anything/ turn my work phone off at 5pm etc. I could have gone for a promotion recently that I'd have had a good chance of so from that pov I think I can push on if I want. Maybe I'm just lazy

It's not only possible, it's what most people do. I went back 4 days as a ceo when dd was 9 months old and carried on breast feeding til she was two.

Once you get back it's not as daunting as it feels before returning.

All the best with it.

Ps it is important to look after yourself and make time for you too.

@limon really do you think most people do it?! I do it and I feel I’m very unusual. Going pt seems to be the default option, or giving up work altogether.

I don't know anyone who does it! Most of my friends have retrained or work part time. Actually I know one person who works full
time in law but even with a nanny and a few days working from home she is exhausted and looking to go to four days.
Must move in different circles!

@susannahmoodie yes I do. If you look at the general population rather than the middle classes who can afford to have one parent not earning.

I don't think mumsnet users are a yardstick of the general population.
I might add we are middle class and dh works part time while I work full time.

And OP's husband doesn't work part time so again completely different situation. I'm sure most women would cope with full time work if their partner worked part time....

@delatron yes I think you do move in different circles. If those circles are people who can afford to have only one person earning and can afford nannies they are at the higher class end of society ime.

I'm leaving this conversation now.... Yes we can afford to have one person not earning a full time wage . If anything happened to my job we would both have to work full time - me in a lower paid job than I currently have - and get help with paying for childcare.

Nothing to do with that! It's just that you told the OP it was completely doable and she'd be fine and how you went back as a CEO when your child was 9 months and that most people did that. Completely leaving out the fact your DH was at home part time. So not the same situation at all.

Of course it’s possible. Personally I worked only 3 days a week after my first ML; and continued in that pattern having 2 more babies and then stepping back up to full time when youngest turned 4. But that was about me wanting more time at home with the kids- I’m sure they would have been fine if I’d worked 5 days, and indeed quite a few of my friends worked full time straight from ML. This was back in the day when ML was only 3 months too, so I’m sure it’s much more doable now when it seems the norm to take 9 months or even a year off. I bf long term too. I’ve now been working full time for 20 years since having my kids.

TBH I suspect this is something that will become more the norm, with women returning full time if not from ML, then certainly within a few years. I honestly don’t know how else people will fund retirement, with state pension age rising, and state pension being pretty crap anyway. Some of my colleagues have continued part time right from having kids to retirement and their work pensions are pretty dire. Being full time also means having wider access to promotions and roles with greater responsibility.

I’m sure it must be hard work to return full time after ML, but it’s certianly doable.

I work four days. I get four outfits ready for both me and DD on Sunday night (down to knickers and tights detail!), get my bag organised and do online food shop with four quick 'chuck it in the oven' dinners. I get up at 6.45, get myself ready by 7.05 (wash hair in evenings so just quick shower and make up), get DD up and out by 7.25 for a 7.30 drop off at nursery then commute to London.
It took a bit of getting used to rushing around after a year of slow paced baby bubble living. One of the hardest things is racing to nursery to collect after work so never being able to stay late and catch up on work. My DD was ill weekly for the first 3-4 months so needed to work from home, use annual leave and special leave a lot at first. I also found it knackering initially and would need very low key weekends to catch up. I did feel overwhelmed at times and low on energy (mental, emotional and physical). I now do one regular day a week from home which really helps.

Ten months later and we've got a good balance and routine going. DD loves nursery, we both enjoy the day in the week together and I'm not knackered all the time. Four days works well for us and I feel much more myself for being back at work.

I find it much, much easier working full time than not working. I'm clearly in the minority though. No major organisation required. House remains tidier, less cooking and washing to do, less food shopping. Less activity planning, more equality with child care and housework.

Not sure why people are recommending you quit breastfeeding, you really don't need to. My son fed morning and evening, occasionally in the night. Don't be fooled into believing that babies should be sleeping though the night at that age, that's a load of crap, every child is different, and breastfeeding has nothing to do with it. Likelihood is your baby will wake more anyway as they will be missing you! I do it. My husband is a nurse so does 12 hour shifts days nights etc. It's hard but do-able. I bedshare with my son and it works well. He is 2 now and has been in childcare since he was 11 months. My first year back I did 3 days and that helped to ease me in. Now we have a routine and he is used to it full time is easier. It is draining, but some people can't afford to not have both parents working. Good luck, hope you fine a situation that works for you and baby.

The more I ponder, I realise we’ve recommended you cutting back because you’ll wear yourself out without any help at all - but I do wonder why you’re going after being the main earner down the line (fine) but not demanding your dh step up at all with pick ups to help you get there.

Really, if you are very keen to lean in, you should be demanding your DH look for better options to support the family with that goal.

I returned to work when DD1 was 9 months - compressed over 4 days...DP and I share drop offs and he does all pick-ups as that fits our hours...I have stressful job which demands flexibility...it is hard but I stick to no work fridays and love our day just the 2 of us together 😊

Hi,

I did it from when my son was 6 months and have been doing it ever since and he's almost 9!

It's tough but possible. Your organisational skills will become super tight. The tough part is getting out of the house in the morning early when they are young. Just do as much prep as you can in the evening before and try to stay calm. I ended up doing a lot of yelling, which was often counter productive!

It will be tough but nothing stays the same forever. It does get easier.

You will also be super efficient at work - I often use any bit of lunch break I can carve out to organise stuff at home - do bits of shopping or personal admin, which means when I leave the office I can just focus on picking up my child and getting him home.

My most important tip those is to make sure you carve out some me-time in the evening. For me, between 9pm and 10pm is treasured chilling time - TV and a cup of tea when my son goes to bed. Without that I might go insane.

I didn't continue breastfeeding when I went to work - I was adamant to move him on to the bottle. I wanted to make it as simple as possible. So that's something else I would say - pick your battles and accept that your vision of perfect parenting isn't always possible - sometimes shortcuts are fine if it gets you through the week and your child's wellbeing isn't compromised.

I'd also suggest not overscheduling your weekends and not putting too much pressure on yourself to keep a perfect home. If you can afford a cleaner, consider it. I can't and don't but it would help greatly!

YY to what clarabella says. I felt as though i became about 200% more efficient after having babies and continuing to work- you just have to be super organised. I’d say it’s hard work in the short term - tbh, I imagine most people would find being home easier with a small baby particularly if you have a short maternity leave, but once you’re through those early months it’s so worth it.

I think f/t is do-able if you have only 1 child & both employers offer flexible working, if you have short commute & family support nearby. And of course a supportive partner who pulls his weight. Even better if you have finances for a cleaner, nanny etc. Very do-able in these circumstances.

But if you don’t have most of the above, I wouldn’t consider it. Something has to give, and it will probably be you.

Well all this scares me somewhat silly now. I have no choice but to go back full time, I have bills that need paying, where I work our standard day is 10 hours, I will be working four days a week, I’m also a single parent. Papping my pants!

It is doable but make sure that's what you WANT to do. If you have doubts or want to spend more time with your baby, don't feel guilty. about going back part-time. You don't get the time back. Maybe do your calculations to check the additional income, and what you can cut back on. However, if you are really missing work, then it is completely doable.

I did it with ds1 but I wasn't always working long long hours and had a supportive partner and parents nearby. By the time I had my next one(s) I had changed jobs to a place with a much more family friendly culture and negotiated hours that worked much better for my needs (to see my kids at their key times of the day). In some ways the easiest part to deal with is the very young stage where you can get long hours and they don't notice whether you're there as much. The much harder time is school when they'll really notice if you're not there for important things like school.

I mean like school plays

I did it with dc1 and it was great (though I do get a LOT of holiday leave). Adamant I would do the same after dc2 - my career and senior role were very important to me. Dh only agreed to dc2 if I went part time. I fought him and expected him to back down but he didn't. I went back part time, had to relinquish my senior role - my subordinate became my boss. I am so glad now that DH insisted. I really do have the best of both worlds. Either way will work if it has to. Nursery is good - they will do breakfast.