AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

[Dec11boy]

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

I think that she's hoping and excited and you have dc so live in the Land of Practicality.

It's really not the same. Also, my family is very generous (i never realized this until i met my husband's family) and if you are brought up to give, you're brought up to receive as well. My mil is stingy and miserly and Is always suspicious of my motives if i give her a compliment. Is there a familial difference?

I think that she's oblivious.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to do what you want to do with your stuff, whatever it is and for whatever reason!

Me and my friends have done a fair amount of sharing around of kids clothes, still do with our five yr olds. If I'm decluttering stuff I'll often think "so and so would like that" and pass it on to them. And vice versa.

However, My mother is really grabby, always after my stuff even if it's clearly something I just bought for myself (coats and handbags in particular) and will do stuff like try on my coat without asking (and yes I do mind!) and then informing me "I'll have that when you've finished with it." I declutter fairly regularly and I'd rather walk in my bare feet in a blizzard to the charity shop with whatever I don't want than to indulge her grabby entitled ways!

I guess I feel it's unjust. We've done everything ourselves, from childcare to buying everything. We've had no help at all. It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes.

Don't be daft, they won't want everything from you for the rest of their lives. Some of your kid's clothes will be shabby anyway and I am sure they will want to buy some clothes that actually suit their DC!

Can't believe the amount of people who would facilitate this cheeky entitled fucking grabby behaviour!
The world owes nobody anything and too many people don't realise that!

She can expect all she likes.

What you do is your choice.

If your not planning on having any more children, who better to give the clothes to than family? Better than leaving them in a black bag in the attic. I would feel proud to save them some money...

There’s 6 months between my brothers DD and mine and he’s handed us down nothing. Just don’t.

What’s next then? The cot, pushchair, car seats etc?

It sounds a tho there's a bit if a back story. Whilst it's a bit tactless if your sil to say that she's looking forward to her children wearing the stuff your children are currently wearing - it might just be her thinking it's a bit if an 'in joke' or even flattering you because she thinks you have such good taste. However if they haven't shown any interest in your kids or are generally quite selfish or Granby I can imagine it would irk. However even if they do get to have all your hand me downs (I mean - what else are you going to do with them) you will be the first to have used them and the first to have experienced parenthood. So being the first comes with its own privileges! X

I think it is a bit cheeky to expect it, but what were you planning on doing with all the stuff anyway. If you were planning to sell to put towards cost of new stuff then carry on with that, otherwise what is the harm in handing clothes down.

When I had DD3 Dsis bought round boxes and boxes of stuff for me and still gives me bags of stuff 10 years later. In her mind it seems daft getting rid if we can use it. I in turn pass on things to a friend with a younger DD. There are a couple of nice good quality things that have gone from my DD1 to DD2, to DN, to DD3 and then DF DD2!

I never take these gifts for granted though.

My sisters passed on loads of stuff to me, clothes, baby equipment, toys, everything. It was fantastic and really helpful as we didn't have loads of money. I'd never expect it though and have always been very grateful. I've always tried to spend a generous amount on their children for birthday and Christmas as way of thanks, as I know they wouldn't take any money for any of it. However I would never say anything like 'oh I look forward to DS wearing that' as it would be a bit rude and 'grabby'.
In turn I have passed everything (that's in good condition) on to friends and family with younger children - a lot of baby stuff really isn't worth selling on (I did an NCT sale once and what I made for pretty much two days of work was really not worth it!). For environmental reasons and to be community-spirited I'd much rather it got used by someone else.

Yes it may seem petty not to hand everything down, and that may well be what the OP would have done if she's been left to make her own choices.

But SiL repeatedly (by the sound of it) picking what she wants and commenting on particular items and saying that she expects to get everything would make a lot of people mean and petty.

It sounds so grabby, as though every time you see her it's more about her eyeing up future goodies rather than there being any element of being pleased to see you.

OP, practise your best tinkly laugh and just say 'maybe'. Then change the subject.

I think I would say "and I'm looking forward to all the money from selling them!"
Some people can be very cheeky. Ignore her and do what you want, keep them, pass them on, sell them. Noone else has a right to your stuff. You might have more kids which you need them for. Plus it's not her business what happens to them. She may come from a family where everything is passed on between people but you get to decide your own rules.

Can't you have an arrangement where they buy some clothes for your DC in their current size in return of you passing clothes on later?

I've kept a couple of DS's very first clothes but everything else has been either sold or passed on.

You could frame them and put them on the wall!

My MIL kept all her baby clothes as they were expensive instead of passing them on to her siblings. She then tried to pass all these old designer baby clothes on to me, but they stank as they had been in a loft for 30 years, and they were 30 years out of date

What will you do with them if you don't pass them on whilst they are current to your family?

When you say thousands, do you mean over the years? As passing down clothes for years? Because you'll find as soon as they hit 3ish, you'll not be able to save as much as they get so much more wear out of them and aren't in as good condition as baby clothes!

Why not keep things you really love, sell things that cost you a bit more money to buy and pass on everything else?