AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

[Dec11boy]

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

It's a bit bizarre to for the SIL to talk like that if she's not even pregnant. For all she knows she may not be able to conceive or it might take years. Also you have no obligation to give her all your stuff. Having said that, if you are not strapped for cash (and she is. Is she?) it would be kind to pass on some things. I have had lots of second hand stuff given to me, and bought some too and it's nice when kids grow out of things before they wear them out. I personally would never spend thousands on kids clothes but each to their own.

If I were you, I would decide if there is stuff worth selling and either sell it, or, with stuff like cots/expensive clothing items say to the SIL "I'm thinking of selling this for this much, but if you want it, you can have it for mates rates (ie a bit less)." And if there is stuff that is not worth selling or you can't be arsed to sell it then just give it to her, or to a charity shop if you really don't want to give it to her for whatever reason.

Keeping bags and bags of pristine baby clothes in the loft is a bit strange and wasteful unless you are planning another baby or thinking that one might happen by accident.

Once we were definitely done with babies, all our baby stuff was gone, either sold or given away. I wouldn't keep stuff in case one of my siblings later had kids. If one of them was pregnant that would be different.

I lend all my daughters clothes to my friend. Who in turn uses them. Then gives them back to me and I sell them on eBay. My jumperoo was used my my daughter, then a friend, then my son, then another friend currently has it x

She's not even pregnant?

How long is she expecting you to hold on to all their clothes for? If she doesn't have a baby for 10 years you might need to buy a bigger house to store all the clothes!

It's grabby to expect it when they don't even have kids yet. Even if they did there are ways of asking rather than assuming.

We have done a mix of things...kept a (very) few special bits, anything that was unworn (e.g. a gift that fitted at the wrong time of year etc) and anything Boden which retains value well we have sold. Everything else (i.e. most of it) has been given to friends or family with younger kids or to charity shop/local refuge etc.

Well it probably is a bit rude to be so open about the fact that she expects it but if you’ve spent all that money on the clothes I imagine you’d get a lot of joy seeing them being worn by your niece or nephew.
It’s a choice you have made to get expensive new baby clothes, there is so much available free or cheap and wanting them to spend a lot of money on baby stuff just because you have chosen to seems a bit petty tbh.
If they really are good condition and posh then you are quite within your rights to sell them on to recoup some of the money you spent on them. It’s probably a good idea.

Mummyoflittledragon it Sounds like you had a craps relationship with your brother. I'm glad you are no contact. The lovely friendship and sharing may be possible with 'urban' family , where you choose friends but they become like family.

Crunkly it's not always nice to see a beloved outfit on another person's child. Sometimes it could be. But actually it is more about your memories if your child on that outfit!

As you say clothes can be picked up for free or very cheaply so the sil will not need to spend a lot.

OP do what is right for you. Make it clear you will decide what to do with clothes. You don't owe her anything. But if it suits you to pass pm items you may well wish to.

We are keeping a few things with sentimental value and handing down the rest-what exactly are we going to do with it all? If you are planning on having another child though it's fair game to keep some/most/all of it.

I'm wondering how many people have actually read the op. The majority seem to be focusing on how much the op has spent on the clothes and calling her mean.

How many of you would keep clothes indefinitely?
Sil isn't even pregnant yet. It's ridiculous that the sil is mentioning her baby wearing various things and saying the clothes will come to her. It's presumptuous for her to declare the clothes as her, for all the sil knows op may have a mate who is due soon or another family menber that is due soon. Or maybe like others, she flogs the stuff to buy new stuff.

Omg you could be me! My DB and SIL are the same hounded me for my DD clothes asking for the clothes of her back and now they are expecting a boy they will be hounding for DS so I am utilmately clothing both their kids despite them being on 75k to our 27k!

Italian
That’s difficult to have that sort of family as well. I was very damaged from childhood and didn’t know how to create bonds with people and have long term friends. Moved around a lot in different countries. And I have ME. I do have a couple of really nice friends though, who’d do anything for me. And some of the parents are really kind here. Sounding really woe is me the last couple of days.

I have been very lucky to receive hand-me-downs for my two boys from friends and family, a kind gesture that I am extremely grateful for. My DS2 is only 11 weeks old, but once he has been through his brother's clothes I will definitely pass on the best to others. It's such a waste of resources to leave them sitting in a loft somewhere!

"WEVE DONE EVERYTHING OURSELVES FROM CHILDCARE TO BUYING CLOTHES"

Am i missing something? They are your childre...

Normally you have to buy them clothes and look after them

I used to sell the odd baby toy/clothes on facebook (we were first in my husband's family to have children) then one day my sister in law said next time we wanted to sell something to let her know and she'd buy them. It never occurred to me she would want our hand me downs and from then on I just gave her all our stuff and said if you don't want anything just give it to the refugee centre/charity shop. I actually love seeing my nieces in my daughter's outgrown clothes. I know she will overall spend slightly less on clothes than we did but that doesn't really bother me!

God after my last child clothes were given away as soon as they grew out of them, I certainly wouldn’t be saving them just in case one of my sisters had a baby!!

I am utilmately clothing both their kids despite them being on 75k to our 27k

Nobody's forcing you to Belle.......why not use some of the suggestions on this thread and offer to sell the clothes to them for the same price you'd sell them elsewhere?

Or start giving them a list of replacement clothes and tell them you're happy to 'clothes swap' seeing as the money for replacements has to come from somewhere.......

If you don't want to give them_dont

Just say you have lent them to friends

If you do not want your family to have the clothes just tell them what you are doing with them instead.
It may be you want rid of them before SIL is able to take them.
Don't discount giving them away tho, we were the first to have dc and bought everything, tho not always new. We then passed everything on and seeing cousins in outfits we had loved was really lovely. It was meant gifts we had been given lasted much longer.
Maybe sil is trying to bond with you?

A refreshing change to find someone willing to accept hand-me-downs for their precious firstborn!

Mind you, if she has that attitude with friends and family, she will soon find herself inundanted with a pile of clothing, the size of a small house, as people try and assuage their guilt on buying ridiculous quantities of tiny, cute clothing that has only been worn once or twice; or justifying the generosity of friends, who bought so many gifts of clothing.

@roisin that’s what we’re counting on for our precious first born! Stacks of clothes are already gathering, it’s working rather nicely.

I don’t think the OP will be back somehow

It does seem very cheeky to expect the clothes.

OP what would be doing with them if you didn’t give them to her? Are you planning on anymore dc?

HeebieJeebies456I would never sell them, I much prefer to give them way to someone who genuinely can’t afford to cloth their dc as they are struggling then give them to DB and SIL who can afford to but choose not to they don’t even so much as get a bag of sweets for dd to say thank you despite having 100 pounds of clothing some of which has been brand new boots. It’s them eyeing up all of DD current clothing and demanding more clothes when I have them the last told 4 months prior that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve since stopped and told them her clothes are well worn now she’s older.

I think you're being a bit mean. My sister and I both have two children, she had a girl first and I had a boy first, so I get all her daughters things and she gets all my sons things, some really nice things we sell but the majority of time we don't. Even if she didn't have a daughter I would still do it. It's nice and the children love wearing their cousins things. I think you're getting all worked up.

If it annoys you that much then don't. But it's nice helping family when you can. You don't have to get something back for everything you do, these children would be your nieces and nephews. My advice sell the really nice things and toys, keep a few for keepsake and bundle up the others for her, as selling tshirts, trousers, bibs, is hard work and unless it's a ton people want to offer basically pennies for it.

Sorry just read your recent message. Their attitude is very grabby and they should show their appreciation. Even getting your daughter a nice toy or you and your husband a treat.

It is grabby of them to demand the clothes - they don’t know whether you plan to keep them for a third child , or have promised them to someone else, or want to sell them, or just want to keep them for sentimental reasons.

Like many posters above, we bought clothes for our dc, and we’re given / lent a mix of new and second hand clothes. Almost all of it has been passed back and forth between friends and family, some things that we bought ourselves has been sold at NCT sales, some bigger things have been passed on as they were taking up space and it felt better to have them used than sat in the loft. But that still doesn’t mean that anyone can demand whatever of yours they fancy.

Some people sell their children’s clothing on to fund the next lot- are you likely to do that , in which case the problem goes away ? You could maybe pass on any unsold items if you chose.