AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

[Dec11boy]

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

Sorry what else

I love seeing old favorites on nephews/nieces/friends’ children! Within my family things get passed on and re-passed on (I’m one of 4) - every child does get new things but every now and then to see a T-shirt on a nephew that I bought 10 years ago is rather heartwarming. Especially as my children have their own tastes now so I don’t get the fun of picking cute things out for them any more!

My husband's brother and SIL never asked for them but we handed them down everything: the cot with bedding, pram, clothes, books and toys. We kept them in very good condition because we thought we'd want a second child.

It's a bit rude of them to actually [vocally!] expect the clothes to be handed to them on a silver platter. If not for the entitled attitude, would you have been more happy to pass your things along?

My pecking order of outgrown clothes:

Best stuff offered to sister
If she refuses try to sell it. Usually can't
General stuff to friend a and friend b
Dross to charity shop

Why wouldn’t you?

I have 2 girls and my friend has one at an age in between mine, all my eldest’s stuff goes to her for her girl and then come back to me third hand for my youngest- love seeing clothes worn by my eldest on friends daughter then on my youngest, especially much lived favourites.

It would be standard to pass stuff on I think, but it's slightly awkward to talk about it expectantly given it would be essentially a gift. To be honest though it sounds like she just has baby mentionitis, which is understandable and sweet.

Also though, why would you give them the clothes for both sexes? Surely you'll wait til a baby arrives and give them the right clothes?

Your attitude is really odd. Don't pass on anything if you don't want but it seems quite mean. It was your choice to pay thousands, there are plenty of ways to spend a lot less, e.g., nct sales, charity shops, freecycle.

We have been absolutely inundated with clothes from family, friends, colleagues, even casual aquantainces who are happy to pass on things they no longer need. We have sorted through what we want from these and then bought a few lovely special items of our own. We are in the process of sorting them out for sil and a friend who both have newborns, just keeping particularly special pieces as keepsakes. I thought everyone did this as children wear clothes for such a short amount of time.

Just tell your family you're planning on keeping the clothes or making money from them so they stop making comments.

You are very petty. Baby clothes cost buttons. If you think they are so valuable why do you want them not being used?

I also don't get why you are storing all these clothes. Keep your favourites that have sentimental value i.e. Home from hospital outfit, Batistm outfit etc first pyjamas or whatever then tell her you are getting rid and does she want to go through them. Then send the rest to charity. If she wants to store a load of baby clothes without a baby let her. You can't keep them all forever so if you weren't giving them her who would you give them to?

I'm the lucky recipient of clothes for my DC from both sides of the family - loads and loads and loads of clothes. It has saved us a great deal of money, yes, but it is also just a lovely warm fuzzy feeling- both gifted say how good it is to see the DC wearing items they lived on their own kids.

I pass on where possible to friends, and I try to randomly treat the older DC whose kit is handed down sometimes - not on the scale of a whole new wardrobe, but a new item every now and then - but otherwise I am just extremely grateful.

I would never ask or expect or assume, but I would possibly be a bit disappointed if i didn't get hand-me-downs just because the others felt I should "pay".

I guess your objection is her attitude and assuming that they will be passed on, and that you will keep hold of them until they are needed. I'd feel the same.

As it is I saved the nicer bits for my siblings (which are now being used which is lovely) but the majority went to a charity as i didn't have room to store it.

You are family! My friends and I are like a merry go round with kids clothes, toys etc! You sound stingy in my opinion.

You sound a little mean spirited OP. My DD is wearing a lot of her older brother’s baby clothes and we also got bags from friends which I was really grateful for. I intend to do the same thing when DD outgrows everything. Got no time or room to be too precious about old baby clothes.
But if you’re planning on more kids then ignore all of the above

I managed to sell quite a few of my DS's baby clothes. I put the money in his money box but could equally have used it towards new clothes for him. Any clothes left unsold have been donated to charity. I think your SIL is cheeky and very presumptive.

I can't wait to get rid of baby clothes! And make room for other things. When I do the clear out (next baby is planned to be the last one...) I will give to any friend/relative who has a pending need, otherwise selling secondhand or giving to charity. No way I'm going to keep bags of baby clothing for anyone who doesn't have children at the time I'm ready to get rid.

What were you planning on doing with them?

I passed on baby clothes and maternity clothes to my 2 closest friends. They did the rounds, especially the maternity clothes, which we all wore at varying times one year! Friend with the youngest baby then passed the clothes on to others and is now buying stuff for my DGD as a way to thank me for the help way back then. She doesn't need to, but is.

Your SIL will unquestionably want to buy new stuff for her own baby when it comes along, so it isn't as if she will never buy anything. Unless you are planning on another DC, why not pass the clothes along? You cannot store everything forever and why would you want to keep out-grown clothes? They are of no earthly use to you. I'm another person who doesn't understand how you managed to pay 'thousands' for baby clothes.

I'd say no, purely for the CF expectation that they'd be getting them.

Tell them you're having the clothes made into memory quilts and you can't pass them on.

I passed every bit of boys clothes I had on to a cousin who had a boy after I had my last baby which turned out to be a girl. I'm not close to this cousin and I was glad to do it because I knew I was finished with them and it would help her out. If I thought I would maybe have another child I would keep them but otherwise it's nice to pass them on

I pass stuff on to friends if they have kids of the suitable age, e.g. one particular friend has a dd just right for getting my dds stuff.

But I agree your SIL 's attitude is annoying.

You can just give them away if you want, can't you?

I believe women's aid are always in need.

Yabu and sound quite mean.
You obviously don’t like her very much do you?
And if you’ve spent thousands that’s your own issue. Why on earth wouldn’t you pass things on to family? I’m glad I’m not your SIL

Why are people focusing on the stuff? The problem is the utter cheeky fuckery of the sister in law having an expectation (and voicing it) that she and she alone will be the recipient of the stuff the OP has.

It’s bloody rude!

The OP might have thought about how to deal with the stuff, but in her shoes I’d rather send it to the rag bank than have somebody else dictate to me how I dispose of my own property.

I used to get my sister's clothes via my cousin so I was the third child in them! Not every single item I ever wore but most nice party dresses, jeans, pinafores, nice tops, jumpers. I also got stuff from second cousin who I never saw, my grandma would go and visit them and come back with a bin bag of lovely Laura Ashley stuff, I loved it.

You don't have to give them everything! Just some stuff. Some things don't wash particularly well or little cheap little tops and baby gros get stained etc. They will still be buying their baby clothing!!! Shoes, occasion outfits etc,

I've got loads of baby clothes (I have girl twins) and I recently offered them (for free) to 2 different family members who have just had baby girls in the last month.

I was turned down. Apparently they don't need anything...

So I'm doing a table top sale at the weekend and anything that doesn't sell is going to charity.