AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

[Dec11boy]

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

Absolutely not. Give it to charity or flog on ebay - lovely zara etc items fetch quite a bit or at least a pound or two - enough to pamper yourself for all that hard work you are doing. Most people dont keep baby clothes anyway if not planning any more children

Just because she says she wants it, doesn't mean you have to give it to her

It's for you and dh to decide what to do with it. For her to expect and say things I would have to shut her right down then and there with " why do you assume your getting them ".. or " oh did I say I was giving them to you " that way she'll stop lol.
Yes some families do that with the hand me downs, but she's basically putting dibs on what she wants... she'll give you a list soon if you dont say something.

I'd go round her house and say it about lamps rugs curtains etc... see if she will say anything to you ha ha... I bet she'll shut you right down. X

My dd is 11. All her baby clothes are in the loft. My SIL wasn't offered them and didn't get. Just don't pick up the hints.

That's a bit rude of her to expect every item of clothing. Before you decide to get rid of anything, put your sentimental items in a separate pile and into a memory box. This may include things like your babies favourite baby grows, their first booties, real pair of shoes etc as these are just too special to give away and I am sure once they grow up they would love to have a look at them. I have even saved my 8 year old sons dummy!

It may be assuming of her to think that way. But if she knows that you don't plan on more children, then what's the harm. It may be how her family works, like most I would think. She may also just be dropping hints so that you know she would gladly accept second hand baby items.
We also have paid for everything ourselfs, and it can be Hard, but we had our 4 children and it's our job to provide, I would have be glad of any help with clothes ect if I had family members with children.
There are many family s that I know in my area that really struggle, and I am only too happy to distribute anything between them that is any good for there kids. It feels great to help the parents and kids alike.
I often hear 'ooh remember us when she grows out of that' or something to that effect. And it doesn't bother me at all.

Of course you don't have to, but I think it's really nice to see your baby's clothes and things being worn or used by another baby.
I kept a few things for sentimental reasons (I still get them out to look at them and my youngest is 17), nearly everything else was passed on, not to family members but anyone who needed them really. Anything that wasn't needed was donated to charity.

Shocked by these responses. What exactly is wrong with handing them down? I’d be flattered and grateful that they are going to good use!

I’ve been in the same position but with my cousin.
Doubly cheeky as I was pregnant myself when she was doing it

I would have been happy to give them to her if she wasn’t so demanding but I ended up giving everything that wasn’t sentimental to charity.

Well you are absurd to have spent thousands on baby clothes.

She is grabby to expect them.

You say you are ‘ocd?’ I hope that’s not just your way of telling us you are tidy as that mighty pisses me off as my dd is diagnosed with ocd and it’s bugger all just about folding clothes it’s far more serious than thet.

And she does fold clothes btw but is quite happy to give clothes away.

But they are your property and if guy really don’t want her to have them gone then to charity.

Odd but just bite it and when the time comes hand them over gracefully.

But YANBU. Nothing more annoying than that attitude of self entitlement.

She's a CF, she's calling dibs, and she's assuming you wont have another.

I had the opposite, kept everything, cot, pram, clothes etc etc and then offered to SIL. She said no thanks I want new stuff! I'm now selling some and giving away other things. The bit that annoys me is that she's always complaining about being skint.

I think it’s a bit cheeky of her but I happily passed on a few pieces to a couple of friends once my son had grown out of them. I only wish I could have off loaded the lot!! However, I refused any offers of second hand clothes that I got as I liked to buy things I liked rather than have a house full of clothes I didn’t like. I also would be afraid of offending someone by offering them his used clothes. I would t assume that they liked the same things as I did.

And to those doubting that there were thousands spent on clothes.... I have definitely spent that much on my almost three yr old and it’s mostly high street pieces. He just has a good variety of clothes.

Gosh what a shame you don’t want to share the lovely clothes you have. My sisters and I have had 5 girls between us over 3.5 years and there are photos of all of them in the same stuff. We think it’s lovely. There is one lovely baby grow we call the family sleep suit and it’s had 3 babies in 6 months - we were sad when the last one grew out of it. I’ve also given stuff to friends when they are pregnant and it’s lovely watching them sift through and choose things for their babies, and then seeing them in the stuff a few months later.

She could also be trying to flatter you on your choice of clothes.

It's totally unreasonable of her to expect it and it would piss me off. There's a wide range of situations here...yes it's lovely to give hand me downs but maybe you are emotionally attached to a lot of them, maybe you are planning an oooooops child....maybe you don't actually like your SIL! All is ok, they are yours. Do as you please and just ignore the grabby mere. X

Me and DH were the first to have children on both sides of our families.

For both DD and DS we did spend a fair amount on clothes. They’ve always had a pretty even mix of designer clothes, high street, and supermarket clothes.

Dh brother had his children a year after each of ours so always the perfect age for hand me downs.

The way I sorted it all out was, any designer which cost more money went onto eBay so I could earn back some money on them (this was actually more down to the fact brother in law and his gf are very selfish and rather than handing any designer things back to us again after once I was pregnant again, they’d sell on and keep the profit for themselves. Made that mistake once and once only)

High street clothes in good condition I put in big black bags and gave to them to sort through and see what they wanted and just to give any they didn’t to charity.

Anything else that was ruined went in the bin.

I honestly don’t understand why you would rather your clothes gather dust JUST so your in laws have to pay out because you had to too. It’s a very selfish and odd attitude to have and sounds like you have a massive chip on your shoulder. I can’t be doing with my in laws half the time but I’d never keep them from having old clothes if they were sitting doing nothing at my house!

I find it odd the your SIL would want everything your DC’s have ever worn. I don’t think you should ever expect anything -if you decide to offer then great. I have never put my DD in hand me downs even though my sister had two DD’s before me. My sister is exactly the same. She didn’t save anything from her first DD and we’re not ‘well-off’ by any means.

I loved buying my DD beautiful clothing and it also meant that I could sell them on and put money into her bank account or buy her some new bits.

I’d give her a few bits and then do what you like with the rest. Or suggest she gives you a little something towards them. Teach her not to expect bundles of free items in the future.

I would feel the same after spending out lots of money. I am storing my son's for now and going to then do a boot fayre. Any money I make will go back on my son for toys or savings. I known people to do a boot fayre with old clothes in good condition and make a good £100 or more...

I do pass on, but I can see your annoyance at the expectation esp when there is no physical baby, things date and better to find a new home for a baby that exists now (either through giving or selling) as oppose to one that may not materialise. Never had anyone openly presume they were getting freebies out of me, and if they did they wouldn't get it.

My SIL was like this although she expected my DH (her bro) to buy all new stuff for her baby.As I didn't want anymore I gave her all of DDs stuff to save us buying it for her (car seat, cradle, bouncer, blankets, coats). She went into hospital with nothing but a coat for the baby. She expected us to buy all the clothes. Her relative gave her a baby grow & vest set otherwise baby would've been naked. I had to go & buy all the basics (cost me £50). She didn't even say thanks. Then I spent another £50 on outfits as 'welcome home presents'. Again no thanks. She thought she was entitled, er no.

Bloody hell OP, I thought my in laws were weird!

Say nothing and when it comes to it say sorry they’re not available. Don’t listen to PPs saying you’re being tight - you have no obligation to pass anything on!

I have 2 boxes in the spare room for when my DC outgrow clothes - one for keeping(when full it goes in the attic) that has all the best clothes in and their first outfits, and one for giving away. I’ll pass those clothes on to whoever wants them next, but I certainly would not like to be ordered to do it!

I guess I feel it's unjust. We've done everything ourselves, from childcare to buying everything. We've had no help at all. It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes

You’ve got a lot of stick for this but I totally get what you mean. My siblings and DH’s siblings had everything from prams to cots bought for them and we got bugger all. As childish as it sounds that does sting!

My SIL was like this although she expected my DH (her bro) to buy all new stuff for her baby

Why?!