AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

[Dec11boy]

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

It's hard to know if YABU or not without knowing what you do intend to do with the old clothes?

If you are donating to charity, or another friend with a baby, or selling them, then that's fine, your choice.

If you are going to just keep them in the loft than YABU

Simple really

1. Give her one small bag for each age and say you didn't have space to keep them all.
2. Give it ALL away, and when she asks laugh in a surprised way and say - Oh goodness I couldn't possibly keep all their clothes for that long, I gave them to a women's refuge, the poor women there can't afford to clothe their children.

Either way finish it with - Don't you want to choose clothes for yourself? I like picking out things with suited their personality and colouring.

OR
just give it to her. What else will you do with it? Keep a few favourite items and let the rest go, what do you need old clothes for?

Keep them OP, because you never know when a surprise baby will happen.

Only part with them when you are absolutely sure you won't need them again

So what's your answer OP - "Ha, I've spent thousands so you should have to as well!"

Why wouldn't you give them away???

OP, you are getting a bit of a hard time here but I know where you are coming from and I don’t think you are unreasonable.

Well what do you plan on doing with them? I'll happily give away all of my kids stuff when they're done, they fetch pennies if you try and sell them because the market is saturated.

What baffled said. It's the expectation and making demands that would piss me off. I'd give them to charity but then my siblings are dicks

I had a SIL like that. Very rude and grabby.

I gave all the baby clothes to my friend instead-she was very grateful . SIL wasn't very happy!

We've done everything ourselves, from childcare to buying everything. We've had no help at all. It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes.

So everyone else has to toil just because you did.

That sounds a little spiteful.

When my family was complete I happily handed baby clothes on.
I just happened to be the first to have babies!
Even to family members who are financially better off than me. Their financial means are unimportant! It felt really lovely and bonding to me that the new family babies were being dressed in the stuff that I'd chosen for my own babies. Or things that had been gifted to me.
Share out the bounty!

I seriously wouldn't read too much into it. To pass clothes on within a family is the normal thing to do. To sell it on ebay rather than pass it on to family would be unusually mean-spirited.

For me, it's maybe a cultural or generationally driven thing.
I was brought up in the NE in a cobbled street, where people would pass baby clothes for free on to 'anybody' in the street who had just given birth.

So being a bit iffy about passing them on to actual family is beyond my comprehension.

Having said all that, I'm struggling to understand how you can spend thousands on baby clothes. Most folks don't have thousands to spend on baby clothes, me included.

Your SIL is just hankering after having a baby because you have two babies and she has none.

The clothes thing is just something you say in conversation because clothes getting passed on is what usually happens in a normal scenario. Unless you want to make a big thing of it.

What weird comments from your inlaws!

Yanbu, you may have another baby or if you've bought expensive stuff it's not unreasonable to want to recoup the costs by selling it.

I'd just ignore the comments, but tell your dh you're not intending on giving his siblings the clothes so he doesn't promise them to them. You can always give them the cheaper / stained stuff that won't be worth anything.

I didn't spend much on clothes generally but cots, highchairs, buggies etc were stokke, bugaboo etc so they are definitely not getting passed down to anyone for free!

She is definitely being unreasonable to talk about it like that while your kids are still wearing the clothes. You can do whatever you like with them - keep for another baby you might have in the future, sell on eBay, pass on to friends or a charity shop. But if and when she has a baby, and you still have clothes you aren't going to use, I don't think it would be unreasonable for her to ask if you have anything you wouldn't mind passing on.

Also, thousands? Seriously?!

Lie.

My friend Freida Montana has just had b/g twins. As you can imagine they need all the help they can get so I have passed them everything...

Then do what you want.

Dec11boy make it clear you don't yet know what you will do with the clothes, you may want to sell them because clothes are so expensive to but, you may give them away to family, friends or charities. You might keep some items. Just make it clear they are your clothes and you will decide what to do.

If you really have OCD, please get some help for it. I had OCD when I was younger and it is really horrible.

PS You may decide you love some clothes, do not give them away, keep them until you know what you want to do with them. But there will be many things you may end up happy to give away. As another poster said, you can sell some stuff but won't make much money from general things.

It's an odd attitude to me. Me and my two sisters don't really have ownership over any of the baby/kids clothes - we bag them up according to age and pass them between ourselves as someone has a child the right age for them. We've done the same with maternity clothes and passed those amongst friends as well! The bags get larger with each child as people get bought gifts, but some older items end up going for recycling. It's wonderful seeing the different children wearing treasured items of clothing!

It’s possible to spend thousands when you factor in cot, pushchair, high chair, clothes for a girl and a boy, shoes, perhaps even toys. Over the years that cost can mount up.

If the sister in law is expecting all of this to be passed on itnisnanbit rude.

I gave loads away when I was done with it, but I chose to do that. Nobody demanded anything and would have been given short shrift if they had tried to.

For now, give her the 'mmm' 'sure-if it lasts that long' responses.
Put aside stuff that you don't want to keep, so if/when the time comes you can hand over a baby-basket of the stuff and she'll be non-the-wiser.

If she asks after anything specific just look at her like

Save a couple of mismatched outfits. Do what the fuck you like with the rest. No other justification than you're not storing it all for whenever.

You haven't said how you've responded to her statements? Is it possible that the comments have stuck in your mind perhaps because you haven't asserted your views? Did you say what you'd like to do with the clothes?

In any case, It's up to you what you do with your children's clothes. It doesn't matter what she or anyone else says. I don't really know anyone who 'expects' hand me downs, I know more people who think it reasonable that families may want to recoup some of their costs and are always very grateful if I've passed on items to them.

I have ebayed and given away plenty of my dc's clothes and toys. I have given away some really nice items to friends because it's a joy to see their children use or wear them and I've also given plenty away to charity because that can also feel quite rewarding. When I can be bothered, I have chosen select items to sell on ebay, those I know will do well. I find ebayers are hungry for labels or expensive outfits at a lower price -- for instance, often people are willing to pay at least half the original price for a used good quality winter coat or a smart suit (for those one off events). Sounds like your stash could do quite well on something like ebay given how you say you've cared for them.

Oh, perhaps I didn't get that she's talking about the clothes whilst your children are still wearing them! That's not nice, you should all just be enjoying your children and what they're wearing in the present! But I guess it may also be some type of backhanded compliment that the clothes are lovely or your children look lovely in them? Your SIL has no idea what type of mother she will be most of us don't know until we get there. I know some new mums who wouldn't touch used anything with a 10ft barge pole! I know others who are so 'precious' about their choices only their choice of items will do!

I buy a lot of clothes for my DC’s. DS1’s clothes were all packed away for possible DC2. When I got pregnant and found out I was having a girl, I unpacked it all and sold what I could on Facebook selling groups and made about £200 to fund my daughter’s (primarily second hand) wardrobe. I do think there’s a decent market for baby clothes if you sell in the right place at the right price and clothes are good quality brands. My two best friends had both had baby boys around this time so I happily passed on bits they liked to them and they gave me Next vouchers or bought my DD some clothes to say thank you? Could that be an option?

Really odd to be so precious about it - unless you were keeping for next child what did u plan to do with it ? Soon you’ll be drowning in clothes half of which will be unworn
I pass half my stuff to my Dsis or to friends and friends with an older DS drop a bag every couple of months with all their grown out stuff - it’s great and in exchange I have a clear out of my stuff for friends too- it all gets shared around as a lot is outgrown before worn out and selling is a hassle - this way we all win

It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes. but seriously why else will you do with them? You won’t get much on eBay not worth the hassle I’ve found! It’s annoying but so what! I pick and choose what I’ve given and to whom - so really best stuff saved for my own dsis but I’ve found I’ve been given more stuff for my kids from friends than I’ve ever bought or given away!!