AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

[Dec11boy]

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

I gave dhs siblings a warning to say if there was anything they wanted, as we had a small house and I wasn't storing stuff, but they were welcome to it if they wanted to store it!
It is a bit odd to expect and then voice that expectation. My mum did that for my niece with my kids' cot. Mum, dniece is welcome to my kids outgrown stuff, but I need to keep the cot my youngest is still using it and will be for some time. I think her parents actually wanted to buy new anyway, it was grandparent excitement.
I enjoy my kids wearing things with history, but I'd never presume something was coming my way, I assume most people pass things to the next person they see with the right sized child after bagging things up!

I guess I feel it's unjust. We've done everything ourselves, from childcare to buying everything. We've had no help at all. It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes.

I would happily pass stuff on but I'm not storing baby clothes for babies that are not even conceived. Once dd2 grows out of stuff it's gone. I think my sister is imagining our loft looks like a branch of Mothercare but it is not the case!

We passed on everything to friends. Lovely to see other babies wearing the things you loved but got so little wear from.

Unless you need the money and want to sell them - why wouldn't you pass the clothes on?

She is being very presumptuous. You might want to give the clothes to your friends or other family members. Or sell them.

On the one hand I’d say she’s very presumptuous if she thinks you should save and store all these clothes, when she doesn’t even have a child, possibly for years but then it seems you are already hanging on to it all! It seems a shame that those lovely items that could be worn by another baby are not being used.

Admittedly though it annoyed me when my SIL took it for granted I’d keep all my dcs clothes for her youngest two when there are 4 year age gaps between them and we live in different countries so I’d be expected to store it for years. My SIL though, is incredibly tight and would spend as little as possible on her dc while managing to afford little treats for herself all the time so that definitely influenced my decision. I’ve passed on the odd thing like warm coats that are as good as new but to be quite honest I prefer to donate it to charity. I wouldn’t just keep the stuff though.

Between our family both immediate and extended we have always packed up, labelled and handed down clothes, and then got them back if we needed them either for someone else or ourselves. I'm jealous that I was the first and never had the opportunity to receive hand me downs but know that I've been a great source of savings to the rest of the family that have come after me. I wouldn't and never considered not passing them on.

You sound delightful. So you wants bags of stuff sitting unused in the attic instead of being worn? Its a bit unlikely she wouldn't buy any clothes of her own in addition to hand me downs anyway.

Are you really having to spend £1000s on clothes for your DC?

We have three nieces from three families and are (willingly) given all their clothes which are incredibly gratefully accepted! I have hardly had to buy anything including shoes and my eldest is four. They have literally saved me thousands as they’ve passed on pushchairs/cots/carriers/car seats etc. I’m very grateful indeed but I don’t see it as unjust they’ve had to spend the money first, it’s just how it is - they became parents first. I pass everything on too - either to friends or to local giving sites.

I am lucky my family is so generous and not mean spirited about it or I certainly wouldn’t accept if they were given unwillingly.

It isn’t fair?
Wow!
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t enjoy helping your family members.

She expects you to keep all the clothes you have for another year?
Just ignore her and continue getting
Rid of clothes how you currently do.

It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes (there is no lmao emoji so the embarrassment one is the next best fit)

I guess it depends on the kind of person you are. A lot of people find in enjoyment in sharing or helping others out. I handed pretty much everything on eventually and loved doing so. The recipient then does what they want. Use, hand on or even charity shop.
I've been the recipient of hand me downs and loved using pre loved items.
The idea that you spent 'thousands' yet wouldn't want to get the very best use out of them kinda says it all

My sister was finished having kids when I had my first, she gave me nothing except baby swing I had bought her which was broken. She has kept every single item of clothing.

SIL shouldn't be so presumptious. However you would be pretty mean not to hand down some clothes! You sound rather bitter in your second post OP. Have none of your family played a role in buying any of your babies' clothes as gifts? It would be unusual to have bought it all yourselves. People normally adore buying for babies! You could always sell them if it's bothering you so much or you need the cash. You will be the talk of your family no doubt if you do so though!

All baby clothes have done the rounds in my family. I never asked or expected but my sil and dsis just gave me stuff, which was then passed onto dbro and his DW. However, if you don't want to pass it on then don't.

That's a very odd attitude to me. It's not SIL fault that you had children first. We've had our last now and I'm glad to get rid of stuff to anyone who can use it.

If you can afford to spend £000s on baby clothes then surely you don't begrudge someone else enjoying them. It sounds like maybe you don't like SIL for other reasons and this is just a symptom?

As we are planning more children we are hanging on to all of our baby items but if we weren't I would be happy for a family member to have them. Ds grows so quickly and has so many lovely clothes, it would be a shame for them to not be worn again.

We've had no help at all. It doesn't seem fair that we are going to be the only ones in the family ever buying clothes

So you'd rather have loads of lovely clothes just lying gathering dust. What a charmer. That kind of attitude is just beyond me.

If you don't feel your family 'deserve' them give them to charity or a refuge. Don't just let them get wasted to.prove a point

I can't imagine she's never going to buy any clothes for her dc, that's just silly. Sounds like you're feeling hard done by generally, OP. What do you you actually want from your family?

Thousands? You must have fancier kids clothes than my dD's! Among my family clothes were passed backwards and forwards as someone had a baby. The stuff for little babies stays in good condition through many babies as they only fit it for little while and all they do is lie there in it!

1. Thousands? Really?
2. Keeping clothes neatly folded does not = 'being' OCD (and it's 'having', not 'being')
3. Not 'fair'? So life is only 'fair' if all siblings/friends/whatever have to spend exactly the same on everything? WTF? What a strange sour attitude to someone you seem to assume is getting one over on you in some way. Tbf, your SIL sounds a little presumptuous, and you can do what you like with the clothes, but why begrudge? We've been handed down loads and loads of stuff by kind friends and I know that sometimes they've seen it as a favour to them too as we take it off their hands. I also hand stuff down once it's finished with and am pleased to be able to pass it on. I have sold the odd particularly nice thing but I try not to take advantage.

(Oh, and I would only sell something we originally bought ourselves. Obviously)

There are good and bad bits to being the oldest, youngest and middle siblings.
I guess one of the positives of being younger is inheriting kit when you become a parent.
Your Bil probably had to wear his brother’s (your DH’s) cast offs as a child!

I've passed on a few bits to one family member but her mum was so presumptuous that it put me off. They had decided that she wouldn't have to buy anything, even a cot, because of the age difference between her children and mine. The point where I put my foot down was when we inadvertently ended up buying a car seat for when her mum looked after DS - after we bought it her mum could no longer help us out and she kept the seat. After that I stopped passing anything on, I understand if some one is really struggling but this person wasn't at all. I've given most things away on for free Facebook pages.

I'd save a bag of things for when they need them and do whatever you want to with the rest.