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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give up my seat, I am 54, for a child, about 6 yrs old, on the underground?

204 replies

losmn · 31/10/2017 19:01

Sitting on a very busy underground train. 2 ladies and 2 children get on. One child, under 2, in push chair and 'mum' holding second child, 6 ish. Mum then walks in between seats with 6 yr old and asks if someone can please give up seat for her child. Mother nor child seem distressed or unable to stand. Lady in her 60s ish gets up for child, at next stop passenger adjacent to child and lady in her 60s gets off the train so mum and child seat together. No issues whatsoever. In fact are now chatting away happily ??? Comments please.

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 01/11/2017 09:16

60 odd years old woman

StrangeAndUnusual · 01/11/2017 09:21

My DC all seemed to manage the swinging about on public transport perfectly well - my youngest is 6 now. Wouldn't dream of asking someone else to give up a seat for them! If they are wobbly, I position them between me and the pole. But tbh it just teaches them to hold on. Of course they are capable - have you ever watched a 6yo climbing about in the playground!

bunerison · 01/11/2017 09:26

My DC all seemed to manage the swinging about on public transport perfectly well - my youngest is 6 now. Wouldn't dream of asking someone else to give up a seat for them! If they are wobbly, I position them between me and the pole. But tbh it just teaches them to hold on. Of course they are capable - have you ever watched a 6yo climbing about in the playground!

I couldn't agree more. Obviously if there were SN that's different but I'd never ever assume that my child should have a seat over an adult. He can sit on my knee or he can stand with me and I'll make sure he doesn't wobble and believe me, he was climbing over stairgates at less than a year and can get himself across the top of the highest equipment in the playground, he can hold on to a pole on the tube without going flying.

FluffyNinja · 01/11/2017 09:31

It's all very well suggesting that young children are perfectly capable of standing but not everyone is a supremely experienced tube/bus traveller!

We visited London in the summer and luckily, I only have 1 DS aged 8. We purposely chose to travel outside of the rush hours period as my DS has zero balancing skills.
He has never learnt to ride a bike or ride a scooter when he was younger.
He has no experience of standing on a moving vehicle (no local buss service around here) so doesn't know how to position himself correctly to maintain his balance or how to anticipate when the vehicle is about to move or stop.
Luckily, I found a seat for him on most journeys and kept a tight hold on him for the remaining trips.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 01/11/2017 09:35

Ah, this debate is always ace.

Kindness and tolerance v twattish ‘respect me becuse you are young!’

Yeesh.

hamburgler · 01/11/2017 11:02

I've been commuting daily for 10 years and I can't remember ever seeing a parent ask someone to stand for their child. I rarely see anyone ask for a seat, except sometimes pregnant women. Of course invisible disabilities exist, but it's so extremely rare for a person with no visible need to ask, I always assume they are telling the truth about needing it.

Where do you people live where there are hordes of healthy looking commuters rampaging around demanding seats?

MargoLovebutter · 01/11/2017 11:17

The tube is a law unto itself though when it is crowded. I lived & worked in central London through two pregnancies and could count on one hand the number of people who stood up for me during each pregnancy. I also had a knee injury at one point and had to use crutches and again can count the number of people who stood for me on the fingers of one hand. It is a dog eat dog world down there in rush hour.

When the DCs were little and we traveled on the tube, I would have neither expected or asked anyone to get up - but that's probably because I spent so many years being ground down by the lack of consideration to bother. I had the smallest on my lap or in one of those back breaking slings and the bigger one between my legs, resting against my knee.

Good on the woman who asked, I probably should have done! No one has to get up, so if someone chose to, I see that as a positive.

roundaboutthetown · 01/11/2017 17:10

In summary, it takes an entitled, selfish fucker to know one. Wink

Mookatron · 01/11/2017 17:19

If somebody asked I would get up as I'd assume they needed it. My kids (6&8) manage fine standing but they are Londoners. However if it's extra busy my kids can get scared of being separated from you in the on-off bustle at stations and getting a seat prevents that.

As always it depends on the circumstances but I don't see the point in taking a 'kids should always stand' line for the sake of it.

LollipopViolet · 01/11/2017 17:22

I wouldn’t give up my seat - however I’m visually impaired with poor balance, so it’s not the safest for me to be standing up.

I’m 27 and don’t look disabled though, so do feel a bit bad in this sort of situation - I can feel the judgement coming my way!

larrygrylls · 01/11/2017 17:53

I really think that those who say they would give up their seat to ‘anyone who asked’ are virtue signalling rather than being honest.

I suggest someone braver than me try the experiment of going up to someone and saying ‘may I have your seat please’ I suspect the responses would be less than polite.

larrygrylls · 01/11/2017 17:54

Unless clearly pregnant, disabled or very old, of course.

NataliaOsipova · 01/11/2017 17:57

I suggest someone braver than me try the experiment of going up to someone and saying ‘may I have your seat please’ I suspect the responses would be less than polite.

In fairness, people don’t generally do it as an experiment! For example, I was on the tube with my DD and a lady got on in a hurry and asked for a seat. I put DD on my knee so she could sit down and she then explained that she’d just come out of a hot theatre and was feeling rather faint. No reason to disbelieve her and no harm done. I think if you said “May I have your seat please, I’m feeling quite unwell”, few people would argue with you.

upperlimit · 01/11/2017 17:58

Virtue signalling?

I'm not interested in virtue signalling. I'm not very virtuous. If anything, I tend to fall at the abrasive end of the personality spectrum. I'm decent though and I can stand up - I await my sainthood in the post.

ferrier · 01/11/2017 18:05

I'd give up my seat for a child (say under 10) even if not asked. I think it's just easier for a parent to have their child sitting down and as an able bodied adult it's the nice thing to do.

Jaxhog · 01/11/2017 18:15

No problem with someone asking. Equally, no problem with anyone who doesn't give up their seat.

I'm also pleasantly surprised by how many young people offer their seat to me or other 'older' ladies. (Maybe I look more decrepit than I thought)

MrMeeseekscando · 01/11/2017 18:19

Absolutely not. Children can hang on just fine. Toddlers can sit on parent's lap. (My Nan used to stand me between her knees whilst she sat. It worked well.)
I jump up before asked for pregnant, disabled or elderly people. They NEED a seat, a child is more than capable of holding on, I seem to remember quite enjoying swinging around with the movement of the train TBH.

MrMeeseekscando · 01/11/2017 18:27

Oh, and I have commuted on crutches too margolovesbutter I also rarely got offered a seat. When I did, generally it was younger women. Then all of a sudden the younger men in suits would suddenly notice me and jump up too.
I lost my balance trying to get to a seat in the middle one time and ended up in some guy's lap! Grin he was quite shocked, I couldn't get back up because my arms were stuck in my crutches. Ha! Shock

Mookatron · 01/11/2017 18:54

I'm not virtue signalling either - why would I bother? But I have asked people to stand up when I really needed to sit down myself and you do have to summon up courage to do it. That's partly why I would get / have got up myself.

BananasAreGood · 01/11/2017 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazycatgal · 01/11/2017 19:55

If I’d been at work all day I wouldn’t be giving up my seat for anyone able-bodied.

Lalalanded · 01/11/2017 20:36

DS is 6 and people often offer - which is lovely and he bleats, "yes please!" before I can say no!

He hasn't needed it since he was about 4 but as people have said, he's a 'Londoner' and could probably make his way across town alone at this point (not sure how I'd test that!)

When it's extremely crowded I do appreciate the offers - people often don't clock a little person and it can get very cramped and hot, so it does help. If not cramped, meh, he knows how to hold on. I have seen children who appear to be visiting London, who aren't as canny about the lurching and have seen a couple take a tumble - so perhaps the lady in the OP was right in asking.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 01/11/2017 20:56

Taking a baby and a child on the tube on your own sounds like a total nightmare, and very stressful. The mother had probably spent most of her journey being shoved and pushed in front of. Would it have killed you to be kind? And 54 is not old.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 01/11/2017 21:01

DS has often travelled on packed tubes from a baby I wouldn’t have asked for a seat and beyond 4ish I wouldn’t expect him to be offered a seat he loved balancing and holding on it was fun for him

So no I don’t think yabu

dudsville · 01/11/2017 21:07

As a commuter of 2 decades now, when on public transport at commuting times, I now hold a harsh view. If you get on public transport when clearly all the seats are taken then in my mind you've made a choice that you're willing to stand as I would have to do if I'd got on a full carriage. I'm not proud of it, I've just had my fill of standing for the hour.