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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give up my seat, I am 54, for a child, about 6 yrs old, on the underground?

204 replies

losmn · 31/10/2017 19:01

Sitting on a very busy underground train. 2 ladies and 2 children get on. One child, under 2, in push chair and 'mum' holding second child, 6 ish. Mum then walks in between seats with 6 yr old and asks if someone can please give up seat for her child. Mother nor child seem distressed or unable to stand. Lady in her 60s ish gets up for child, at next stop passenger adjacent to child and lady in her 60s gets off the train so mum and child seat together. No issues whatsoever. In fact are now chatting away happily ??? Comments please.

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 31/10/2017 19:47

At age 6 my dd2 wouldn't have been able to stand safely alone as she had balance and coordination problems. I would have sat her on my lap or between my legs if I had a seat, but then I didn't have a DC3 to hold too.

Bahhhhhumbug · 31/10/2017 19:48

Unless I've misunderstood this did the mother then leave the woman in her sixties standing and then sit by her child. If so then that is wrong imo and she should have offered the lady her seat back and/or sat her six yr old on her lap so all three could sit.

PollyPerky · 31/10/2017 19:49

As a child I travelled on public transport all the time as my mum didn't drive. I was always told to get up and let adults sit down if the bus was full. This was the done thing in the 50s and 60s.

I think it's appalling that an adult expects another adult to leave their seat for a 6 yr old.

At that age they are very able to stand on a tube train and hold onto the poles by the door or the seats. They are also likely to have far better balance, and be able to stand, than a middle aged woman who might be feeling rough with a heavy period, or whatever.

I am really shocked a parent asked this.

Itsonkyme · 31/10/2017 19:51

consistently surprised by the amount of (usually young men) who jump to their feet and insist she has the seat
Thank goodness that the age of chivalry is not completely dead. Well done you young men.

BananasAreGood · 31/10/2017 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigeondujour · 31/10/2017 19:57

I cannot believe someone would think it was reasonable to expect an 'explanation' of an invisible disability before they deign to let someone sit down on public transport.

Also can't believe the OP name dropped being 54 as if it was old enough to warrant not giving a seat to someone whose mother had asked politely for it.

harshbuttrue1980 · 31/10/2017 19:57

I wouldn't give up my seat for a child who was able to stand. I really don't hold with the little emperors/snowflake type of culture around child rearing nowadays. Children with no additional needs should learn that they are on a par with everyone else - no more important than others and no less important. Pandering to children just leads to them becoming spoilt brats. I wouldn't expect a child to give up their seat for me either, as I'm in my 30's and able bodied. First come, first served with seats (apart from the disabled)

upperlimit · 31/10/2017 19:59

I am so very impressed by those posted who can see invisible disabilities allowing them to clearly identify the snowflake children.

CatsAreKool · 31/10/2017 19:59

It would not be obvious to anyone my child’s dyspraxia and hyper mobility- I also do not want to have to explain your child’s medical history to someone who makes broad brush assumptions about children definitely being able to stand. Some things are hidden!

Rhynswynd · 31/10/2017 19:59

I was travelling the underground at 6 and never had an issue being able to stand. I loved it.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 31/10/2017 20:00

Why - it makes me so sad that you think manners are outdated.

zen1 · 31/10/2017 20:03

This is the reason I sent away for the TFL 'Please offer me a seat' badge for my 8 year old. To the untrained eye, he wouldn't look 'distressed or unable to stand' and I'm sure people like the OP would be muttering under their breath if I asked for a seat for him. Fact is, he has several disabilities that make standing in these circumstances very difficult.

AirandMungBeans · 31/10/2017 20:03

I am someone with hidden physical issues. I have two 45cm metal rods in my back, meaning that I cannot stand on a bus/train, yet from the outside you'd think we was completely able bodied. This also means that I am unable to keep my five year old stable when he has to stand, nor can I hold my three year old on my lap and support them both/keep us stable at the same time. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's incredibly difficult to travel when there are perfectly able bodied people who refuse to give up a seat to make a point.

CakesRUs · 31/10/2017 20:03

Can’t believe these comments. What a generation of molly coddled kids are heading to teenage years. I was taught to always give up my seat for an adult and I did, can’t remember ever ending up on the floor. Hmm

AirandMungBeans · 31/10/2017 20:04

*i was, not we was.

upperlimit · 31/10/2017 20:04

I regularly had to sit down when when I was a child with chronic asthma and, at that point, no meds identified to control it. I suppose my invisible illness is at least audible - maybe that's why my mother never had to plead for a seat on bus.

reetgood · 31/10/2017 20:04

It was a busy underground train. Initially neither the mother or children had a seat. If she was requesting a seat, why not offer her one if you are able to stand? And why ask this if you didn’t offer, clearly you felt you were being reasonable. Does it really change anything if I tell you that you weren’t?

BarbarianMum · 31/10/2017 20:06

Well if you don't want to explain Cats, not even to the extent of saying " would you mind, she finds it difficult to stand for long periods" (a detailed medical history is not necessary) then you need to be prepared for people to assume you are being precious and refuse.

listsandbudgets · 31/10/2017 20:06

Are you sure he was 6.

My DS is big and looked 6 when he was 4 - now he's five people think he's 7.

At 4 he'd have had difficulty balancing and he's only jsut starting to get it now. Because he's big for his age people expect a lot of him that he's not really capable of

BananasAreGood · 31/10/2017 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lexilooo · 31/10/2017 20:12

I don't think little children should take a seat, they should sit on the accompanying adults knee if the bus/train/tube/tram is busy.

NataliaOsipova · 31/10/2017 20:13

Why - it makes me so sad that you think manners are outdated.

I don't - quite the opposite. But good manners involves respect for everyone around you, young or old, rich or poor, disabled or able bodied. Would I rush my 6 year old into a free seat if an elderly person was on the tube? I would not. Would I sit her on my knee on a busy train so someone else could sit down? Yes. But a 25 year old man offers my 6 year old his seat? He's being kind and well mannered too.

The days of deference "just because" are over. Does the fact I'm richer than someone else mean I should be "Ma'am" while he's Bob? No. Should an elderly gentleman stand for me because I'm a lady? Also no. Should my child stand for an able bodied young or midde aged adult? No.

I think good manners are thankfully very much alive and well on public transport most of the time.

Cheeseontoastie · 31/10/2017 20:15

I don't think the child could be 6?? No way could I lift up my 6 year old and carry her.

HateIsNotGood · 31/10/2017 20:15

YANBU. Looking ahead 20 years what will the 6 year olds of today be posting?

"I am 26, there was only one seat on the tube but 3 of us wanted it - Me (who has always required a seat), a 6 year old (who might fall over) and some grumpy 74 year old who should know by now that the seat is mine. I pushed them out of my way as I sat my fine arse down. The old woman actually tutted. So I said shut up you old hag. AIBU?"

potatoscowls · 31/10/2017 20:17

I dont have a weird superiority complex so i wouldn't expect a child to leap out of their seat for me. If they looked knackered or were unsteady on their feet, I'd offer them mine. It's all very well being raised to be OH SO POLITE and kowtow to adults but if the end result is that you can't be kind to a child jut for the sake of it...