If there's not enough food for everyone you don't choose favourites?

[apintofmilk]

I may well be being unreasonable. But I'm due a period and grumpy and hormonal. Oh and dieting.
So we went to my mums for roast dinner tonight. She knows I'm on a diet and I've been really good all week so I can enjoy a naughty home cooked roast which I've said numerous times.
Anyway we all sat down and my mum said "this ones apintofmilk's". I thought nothing of it until the end of the meal when I see my husband, sister and her husband all appear to have stuffing balls AND Yorkshire puddings on their plate and the other 3 adults (my mum dad and me) and 2 kids (too little to have stuffing to be honest) do not.
So I got a bit pissy and asked why and was told that there wasn't enough for everyone so they weren't bothered re not having any and they decided out of everyone else that I should go without. I said "well did you not think of halving Yorkshire puddings, or giving one person stuffing and one yorkshires" and they just answered "no".
I went mad. I just feel like I'm constantly bottom of the pile and was fucking annoyed they thought I should be the one to go without (not to drip feed my sister is also on a diet as we go together so nothing to do with me dieting).
Surely if you don't have enough food for all your guests then everyone should go without and they could have had the stuffing balls and yorkshires mid week on their own.
Also fuming that they tried to hide it from me and didn't explain at the start, they just tried to be sneaky and hoped I didn't notice.
Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable. I know how lucky I am that I even have a family that invite us to dinner etc etc. But tonight really fucking annoyed me.

I agree with you OP. If there's not enough, then share the food out or give people a chance to decide for themselves. Can't see either why the favoured three just sat there and ate their extras and didn't offer to share out. Your husband particularly.

I'd be mad too, and would avoid such situations if possible. It doesn't sound much fun for anyone.

Was there no roast potatoes????

YANBU. This is one of those twilight zone MN threads where people will harp on about your ingratitude etc. instead of seeing there was a really odd dynamic in treating you like this.

Maybe they forgot to buy more yorkshires and stuffing or thought they had enough. They should have shared equally tho.

I'm not surprised you felt so hurt in the circumstances.

When you were making up for your children's reduced plates, you cut a roast potato into two, rather than giving it to one child and telling the other not to make a fuss. Which means you're doing better than they are.

I expect your sister tells a different story about sibling rivalry. She may feel she has always needed more help because you're cleverer/prettier/luckier/more driven or whatever.

I even said "oh that's probably mine as I ask for less meat than everyone else" as I get full after too much meat. At this point the other 3 sniggered and started eating dinner.

Ok, just a second. I'm quite infantile and would have laughed at this because "meat" often means "cock" so it would be a daft double entendre. Possible the rest of your generation is equally infantile as far as sense of humour goes? Isn't that as likely as laughing at your rationed plate?

Are you seriously saying it wasn't a 'nice roast dinner' because you didn't get a frozen (not even home made) Yorkshire pudding and a stuffing ball? Christ alive!

You keep coming up with negative stories about them, so I don't understand why you bother? Why go for Sunday dinner if you don't get along or they make you feel bad? If you want them to see the kids you could meet them somewhere or whatever and avoid scenarios such as this.

That is such a spiteful post SGB.

Honestly, you're being ridiculous. This is the kind of behaviour I would expect from my two year old step son. And as for your husband saying, 'Not a chance' have you ever considered he might have been joking? My partner usually says that to me when he sees me eyeing up his food before laughing and giving me a bit.

Sounds fucking joyful.

Oh I forgot 🎻

SGB,, I think that's a really nasty post.

Jesus, this is a bit vicious!

Yabu to have not checked everyone's plate at the beginning to make sure you were getting your fair share.

Seriously? Who does that?

PS, yanbu

BillydaviesDaugher! Thank goodness there is someone who can totally empathise with apintof and advise her on coping with this low level drip feed abuse by her " lovely parents. "
I had it from mine, my sister was always favoured and given more everything .
I learned to not give a damn! Probably because I couldn't be arsed. I got "my family" when I married my husband, had my kids and Grandkids . The "family" before them mean nothing to me. Although now my sister and Mother have died, my Dad needed help. He's an old guy and I'm not a mean person, so I have stepped up. But I am emotionally dead towards him, although I wouldn't see him come to any harm.

so it's definitely not about the Yorkshire Pudding for those who didn't "get it" .

Hmm I'm actually almost emotionally dead towards most of my family now too after being the scapegoat and left out for years. I hardly ever see them. But since I stopped really caring they like me a lot more. I suppose because I'm calmer and not as needy.

It's a way of protecting yourself isn't it? I hardly shed a tear at my dad's funeral. There was a time when I was desperate for him to like me. But by the end I really couldn't give a toss.

It's sad but when you give up caring and worry about your own life you do feel better.

Your parents were wrong to invite all of you to dinner without making sure there was enough food to go around.

At the point they realised there wasn't a bit of everything for everyone they should have given people a choice or stuffing OR Yorkshire pud.

It was unfair of them to just assume you'd be happy to go without, they should have asked first and been prepared to share.

YANBU.

Your parents were wrong to not give adults the same. But they were even worse in letting the grandkids down regarding the farm visit and to just assemble a shoe cupboard instead. Perhaps your parents should not invite people for dinner if they are short of food supplies?

But the good side of this (well, for me anyways) is, I had never heard of stuffing balls until I read your post, and they look easy to make and freeze. We're your mum's this tiny btw?

www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/sage_and_onion_stuffing_61147

Letting the grandchildren down on the farm visit was pretty shoddy, especially over assembling a shoe cupboard which could have waited. And the sniggering - including from your own husband and sister - that's just childish and hurtful on their part.

And I do wish that posters would read the bloody thread. Or at least the OP's posts.

Oh and the posters who think the OP's children should 'just eat the vegetables they're given' - they're under 3. They haven't been gratefully weaned onto gravel yet.

YADNBU. I have had this happen before, and it's not very nice when you are on the receiving end of it. It does tend to leave you with the implicit message that you are worth less.

I always thought that, as a host, if you don't have enough of something for all your guests to have a portion, you don't offer it. I thought it was basic manners.

But of course there's a lot more going on here.

Maybe they are treating you as the entertainment. Stop giving them a reaction and they may well stop doing it.
I used to work in an office and we occasionally were bought a box of cakes. The chocolate eclair was the most popular by far. One woman used to think she should always have the eclair as she didn't like any of the others apparently.
Some mileage was taken out of that l can tell you and various pa techniques employed to thwart her getting the eclair.

If just once she had just taken another cake and said ' No that's fine/ I'm fine with this one ' then lm sure it would have stopped.
So stop 'feeding' them ( no pun intended).