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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy that this story about me has emerged

184 replies

Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:37

Quite a while ago now, I did something wrong (nothing criminal) and because it was conceded the circumstances had been difficult I sort of got off quite lightly. No more was really said about it.

Until now when someone I knew then has told some people I know now.

It's not very rational,but I'm embarrassed and upset.

I guess typing it makes me realise there's nothing much I can do, but aibu for feeling this way?

OP posts:
Ploppie4 · 27/10/2017 22:39

Need details sorry.

Is this a friend who has gossiped about you?

Original poster
Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:40

No, an acquaintance really. Just randomly ended up with children at the same nursery.

OP posts:
Caulk · 27/10/2017 22:40

I had something similar. I have a therapist and we worked out what my narrative would be about it, so if anyone asked me about it or I needed to explain I knew what to say. By then I had already accepted why I did it so I just needed to say the lines we had agreed on, without worrying about everything else.

I know it wasn’t the right thing to do so I don’t/didn’t need a response from anyone else or to end up feeling rubbish about it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2017 22:41

This is all a bit vague. But no, YANBU to be annoyed someone has made you feel uncomfortable to be reminded of your past.

If it's true though there's not much you can do other than say we all make mistakes and it's in the past so not relevant to the present.

WhataHexIgotinto · 27/10/2017 22:43

Sounds like someone is gossiping about you. Ignore it, these people always move onto something else before long. I'm sure what you did wasn't that bad.

Ploppie4 · 27/10/2017 22:44

Yes agree with working out a narrative.

How do you know she’s told people?

Ploppie4 · 27/10/2017 22:45

If pushed I’d probably laugh and say ‘oh x is such a big gossip’. Then change the subject

Original poster
Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:46

She told me she had - not in so many words but hinted at it very strongly

I am Blush

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 22:47

Impossible to say w/o more detail.

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2017 22:50

This is hard to say, does she have a dog in the fight? Ie does she have a right to be upset or is she just gossiping? Was it something quite heinous that she disapproves of?

Why would she. Not just tell, but also tell you she has. And how does she know?

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 27/10/2017 22:50

Everyone she tells will a) make a mental note to never, ever tell her anything personal and b) take it with a pinch of salt.

No one respects a gossiper.

Viviennemary · 27/10/2017 22:50

It wasn't anything criminal. Was it something you're ashamed of. Like having an affair. Agree it's impossible to say without knowing what you've actually done.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:51

Yeah, its kind of like that viv - not an affair but something rather Blush

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/10/2017 22:53

You slept with someone you shouldn’t have? And she knows the:other party ?

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2017 22:53

Sorry I have no clue how that random grin appeared...

AdoraBell · 27/10/2017 22:54

If she’s only hinted I would tell her I would appreciate her not saying anything, because there is no reason to.

If she says she has I would leave it unless someone mentions it and then say something like - yes, I was young and considered to be in difficult circumstances, it’s no longer relevant.

Then avoid the acquaintance. Having DC at the same nursery doesn’t mean you have to be friends. Civil is good enough.

Oblomov17 · 27/10/2017 22:54

How many people know? Do they really think that differently about you?
Who really matters to you? Talk to them.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 27/10/2017 22:55

She’s holding you to ransom by your shame. Fuck her. If there’s any apology to be made I imagine you’ve made it. Nobody else’s business.

Gemini69 · 27/10/2017 22:56

I understand.. you had hoped to leave this 'Event' behind you... and now this person has brought it all back up again within your 'new' circle of friends and associates...

Very Nasty .. I wonder why she chose to do such a cruel thing... Flowers

Original poster
Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:58

No, I didn't sleep with anyone's partner! I meant it was like an affair as in, not criminal but rather an embarrassing tale to leak out, although in fairness it was a very long time ago.

OP posts:
Pennypickle · 27/10/2017 22:58

Nobody can say if YABU or not without details. Did you litter drop a fag end or sleep with your best friends husband? See the difference...

Viviennemary · 27/10/2017 22:59

I'd shrug it off and say oh you know how this gossip gets all out of proportion. Just deny it like the royals always do. Don't swear her to secrecy because that will only fan the flames. Just look bored and say haven't you got anything better to talk about. I don't think I'd be asking people their opinions. It's nothing to do with them. Sometimes people just love to see others squirm.

leftwiththedognow · 27/10/2017 23:00

Tbf this is very subjective without knowing what happened. Could be something to you that is very embarrassing but to others is just a daft mistake/drunken night out event.

Is she just a nasty type who knows what buttons to press? If she is believe me, everyone else will know what a bitch she really is.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/10/2017 23:00

Did you get drunk and strip at a Xmas party?

Original poster
Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 23:00

Got into a bit of a fight.

OP posts: