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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy that this story about me has emerged

184 replies

Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:37

Quite a while ago now, I did something wrong (nothing criminal) and because it was conceded the circumstances had been difficult I sort of got off quite lightly. No more was really said about it.

Until now when someone I knew then has told some people I know now.

It's not very rational,but I'm embarrassed and upset.

I guess typing it makes me realise there's nothing much I can do, but aibu for feeling this way?

OP posts:
MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 15:02

Yes, but presumably there was pretty bad temporary damage?

Gemini69 · 28/10/2017 15:03

Yes, but presumably there was pretty bad temporary damage?

WHY ? Hmm do you presume such a thing ?

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 15:04

You assume I am far tougher than I am Margaret.

Halloween Hmm
OP posts:
StefMay · 28/10/2017 15:16

I got into scrapes as a teen and I'm not proud of them.

However, I have accepted that I did them and that they have shaped me into the person I am - responsible, caring, considerate & law abiding!

The most important part is accepting yourself and the past mistakes you made. Once you tell yourself AND believe that is okay that you made mistakes then you will not be embarrassed by them.

It's how you react to your mistakes that defines you and not the mistake.

Once you get to this point, you will not feel embarrassed. I don't. I explain that was what made me the excellent person I am now. ;)

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 15:18

And I don't condone it, but I was 16, I was being called some horrible names, I had a difficult home lifel and i flipped.

I now of course know you walk away from such situations but it's harder to do that at school.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 28/10/2017 15:18

Surely it would have been slapping and hair pulling, hardly biting each other's ears off.

MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 15:19

Gemini, when someone's been very evasive about the extent of the injuries caused and when pushed just says there was no permanent damage I think it's a pretty safe assumption that more than a broken nail occurred.

Olddear · 28/10/2017 15:22

Did you win?

ZombieVampireHedgehog · 28/10/2017 15:23

I saw a FB friend have a similar problem, a girl she'd never spoke to told her sons Dad she was a weirdo as she liked being in the library at breaks. She felt the same as you, she was really wound up.

Quite a few of us would go to the library to get work done so it wasn't totally alien.

The woman had no right to gossip, if people are going to judge you on something you did as a child are they worth bothering with? Seriously!

I'm not being funny but it doesn't sound like the woman in question is all that mature. It reflects worse on her than you.

BrewCakeFlowersHalloween Angry

StefMay · 28/10/2017 15:24

Whatever happened was dealt with at the time. She was 15 - not 25 yrs old.

OP is clearly not proud of this and it is upsetting her now.

How about helping to deal with her OP query and not trying to make her feel more guilty than she already does.

She went to another 6th Form - she was not admitted to a Young Offenders Institute!

Gemini69 · 28/10/2017 15:27

Gemini, when someone's been very evasive about the extent of the injuries caused and when pushed just says there was no permanent damage I think it's a pretty safe assumption that more than a broken nail occurred.

which was dealt with at the time.. nobody was cautioned or sent to young offenders or held in secure accommodation..... so why do you assume the damage is WORSE than OP has described... ?

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 15:35

Margaret let's say there was some sustained damage.

What would you have me do?

There wasn't. I slapped her across the face, yanked at her hair and tried to kick at her, she tried to bite me, a teacher dragged me off her and that was that.

I'm evasive because it's a bit mortifying to have been sort-of-expelled.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 28/10/2017 15:36

You were both kids... forget about it Flowers

LeakyLittleBoat · 28/10/2017 15:41

OP, clearly in the eyes of some you will never be able to live this down or put it behind you, so keep that hairshirt and handwringing mea culpas to hand for all the petty, spiteful gossipmongers who will always feel the need to beat you over the head with it...
Or (since no permanent damage was done, penalties were imposed and you learned from it, are not proud of what you did and have grown up to know better in the interim) forgive yourself and don't give the time of day to those who expect in depth explanations and lifelong shows of penitence for what amounts to a relatively minor teenage fuck up, you owe them nothing.

Gemini69 · 28/10/2017 15:53

yip what LeakyLittleBoat said Flowers

Sprogletsmuvva · 28/10/2017 15:54

Schools can expel in 6th Form for minor stuff.

In my school, the staying -on rate had always been around 20%. Then the recession (early k90s)really bit, and around 90% of the year below me stayed on. It was really overcrowded. 6th form head announced a zero tolerance policy. Someone at my brother’s school was expelled for light-heartedly wrestling a xmas tree.Shock

PumbletonWakeshaft · 28/10/2017 16:04

@Inkandbone can I ask how long ago in your life this incident happened? I can't see how other mums are going to be in the least bit fussed about something that happened in school when you were a kid. I don't agree that you should go and grovel to this gossipy person. What on earth is she trying to do other than stir up trouble?

I've got really close friends who did far worse when they were younger and it doesn't affect our friendship because we are all adults and have changed so much since then.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 16:05

I did my gcses in 1998, so almost 20 years.

OP posts:
verbaIkint · 28/10/2017 16:09

Think of it this way... at least the other Mum's know you stand up for yourself; depending on how friend related the story could she have been talking about how you once fought against your bully?
Otherwise gossiping about you being expelled isn't worth worrying about because it's completely irrelevant now and would make me wonder why I'd been told this. Then I'd avoid gossiper and make a point of speaking to the person she was talking about.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 28/10/2017 16:12

To be honest, all I would think if I heard gossip like that is "oh, ink went to a fairly posh school then" (and there's no shame in it, so did I but I now know a lot of teacher friends where that kind of fight is an almost daily occurrence and no-one gets expelled)

PumbletonWakeshaft · 28/10/2017 16:14

I did mine in 1995 so I'm not much older than you - god if someone brought up something from school now I'd just blank them, cut them off, laugh at them or tell them not to be so ridiculous.

We are all allowed a past - including you. It doesn't matter, even though you clearly still feel guilty about it. You were punished at the time, you regret it, lesson learned, now everyone needs to bloody well move on!

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 16:18

A very posh school. And I am posh. Well sort of.

Hence Halloween Blush

OP posts:
GoldfishCrackers · 28/10/2017 16:21

If someone told me this, I’d wonder why they’d think I would be interested in something that happened 20 years ago when the people involved were still at school. And then I’d never think about it ever again.

You weren’t actually expelled. Give yourself a break and stop framing it as such.

OP I’m wondering why you’re finding this so excruciating and threatening to your reputation/social network? This old gossip might be a bit of a red herring.

Lweji · 28/10/2017 16:23

It sounds like the sort of thing that had it been between boys it would have been shrugged off as boys will be boys.

It also sounds like the school didn't do enough regarding the verbal abuse. And, yes, sometimes words can hurt more than a fist.

I don't think you should be embarrassed unless you went on to beat other people up.

PickAChew · 28/10/2017 16:23

Hell, I was the meekest of school kids and got into a fair few scuffles.

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