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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy that this story about me has emerged

184 replies

Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:37

Quite a while ago now, I did something wrong (nothing criminal) and because it was conceded the circumstances had been difficult I sort of got off quite lightly. No more was really said about it.

Until now when someone I knew then has told some people I know now.

It's not very rational,but I'm embarrassed and upset.

I guess typing it makes me realise there's nothing much I can do, but aibu for feeling this way?

OP posts:
MadMags · 28/10/2017 05:18

She told people that years ago you were in a fight? That's it? Confused

Atenco · 28/10/2017 05:42

Hahaha! I've only ever been in a fight once and she deserved it.

Bubblebubblepop · 28/10/2017 05:58

Oh poor you OP. I know it's embarrassing but just remember she's a spiteful human being who takes pleasure in gossip and humiliating others

Next time threaten to smack her about a bit Grin

R2G · 28/10/2017 06:51

I wouldn't think much about it, but would always think less of the gossip sharing it. Don't worry just be yourself x

lljkk · 28/10/2017 06:57

I am from far away, but some of the teacher's at DC primary school are local, went to our own local schools, have local routes & family.

This is small town & occasionally I hear a bit of gossip about the teachers' school years. FFS. Stuff that happened 20+ yrs ago. Just let it go! What is wrong with people.

Lethaldrizzle · 28/10/2017 08:17

you have every right to leave the past in the past and she has completely crossed a line. Although the cat is now out of the bag i would let her know how I felt - in a friendly way - if thats possible and I would make a joke of it with the others - you may regret the fight but you may not regret the reason for the fight?

Bluntness100 · 28/10/2017 09:05

I’m not sure why this would cause such embarassement. Was it you that started the fight? Did you hurt the person? Why would someone gossip about this years later and how did she know? It sounds very weird indeed.

BeyondThePage · 28/10/2017 09:14

Anybody says anything, raise eyebrows, smile, say "shouldn't listen to gossips" - that is enough to close down most conversations.

Just move on, I doubt anyone is thinking about it let alone talking about it.

scrabbler3 · 28/10/2017 09:18

If I found out that one of my "school mum" friends had had a fight years ago, I genuinely wouldn't care. I'm not even sure I'd be interested in the details - it's not a very unusual or compelling story.

A boy at my school fathered a child at 15 on a one night stand with a woman of 19/20 (he'd lied to her about his age). He went to university 3 years later, hundreds of miles away. By coincidence, there was someone from our home town in his halls who spread the word at freshers week. He was really upset. However, it didn't stop him enjoying university or making friends.

CrumpettyTree · 28/10/2017 09:27

At least the nursery parents won't mess with you. Grin
Seriously, for all they know the other person could have been bullying you, endlessly taunting you/goading you and you lashed out at the end of your tether or in self defence. As you say it was a long time ago and mean of her to gossip. They'll know now not to trust her with any confidences.

Onthehighseas · 28/10/2017 09:29

Is that you Cheryl? Grin

Lethaldrizzle · 28/10/2017 09:30

Also people with chequered pasts are infinitely more interesting to hang out with!

MyOtherNamesArePants · 28/10/2017 09:31

Do you know what, I think most people would think the following about the parties concerned:

Inkandbone in a fight years and years ago? Who cares? Was years ago.

Gossipy person who spread the tale What a mean and spiteful thing to be spreading. Who would do that? Why? Nasty.

Then people will get on with their day and it will be out of their minds. The odd person may have a gossipy "Oh, wonder what happened? Who was involved?" thought. But soooo fleeting.

Seriously. Let it go. Not just because it is the only thing you can do, but also because it is so small to everyone else (no offence meant) that it is not worth worrying about.

pictish · 28/10/2017 09:40

So fisticuffs eh? Grin

You are worrying about nothing. Seriously. None of the people you are worried about knowing about it were there...so they won't know (or care) about the surrounding circumstances.

I have been involved in fisticuffs myself. Years ago. I'm not ashamed of it.

MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 09:42

It's difficult to say on this one. You're downplaying it quite a lot. Fighting is criminal. And the person on the other end may well view it as an 'attack' rather than a fight, particularly if you think you 'got off lightly' for it. And the involvement of drink or drugs was a factor and whether or not you continued to drink/use drugs etc.

If it was a mutual scuffle between teenagers over a boyfriend in 1997 then YANBU. If you were speeding off your tits in 2010 and smacked someone in a row over a parking space and and were generally known for being aggressive and over indulging that would be a different thing altogether.

Nobody can honestly say from the info you've given.

However I would say I and most of the parents I know would be very wary of play dates unsupervised with someone with a history of violence unless it was very minor and very long ago. But I'm not sure why that would be so memorable or embarrassing.

pictish · 28/10/2017 09:50

She says it was nothing criminal...so it can't have been too devastating. I think the OP would know if she launched a criminal unprovoked sustained attack on an innocent while out of her tits on speed.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 10:06

It was when I was still at school (about 2 weeks before GCSEs started.)

I am not proud of it.

I was sent on early study leave and was told I would not be welcome back in the sixth form.

I really am not proud of it, but the circumstances were pretty difficult.

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 28/10/2017 10:12

Ink

If I heard a story like that I honestly would give a flying fig. Be forgotten in seconds.

Says more about her really, doesn’t it.

PollytheDolly · 28/10/2017 10:12

Wouldn’t!

Jees Blush

Madreputa · 28/10/2017 10:15

Did you bully someone?

MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 10:17

She says it was nothing criminal...so it can't have been too devastating. I think the OP would know if she launched a criminal unprovoked sustained attack on an innocent while out of her tits on speed.

But she is downplaying it. Because fighting is criminal. So I'm not sure if she means nothing criminal as in 'I did not act illegally' or 'I acted illegally but didn't get prosecuted'. Given that we know she fought, which is criminal, I suspect it's the latter. So that makes the possibility of it being more serious open. And the fact that some years later the OP I'm a bit dubious that something totally minor would be remembered by anybody after a long period of time, be so embarrassing or would even be something the OP would pick up on hints about. And the phrase 'getting off lightly' also suggests something a bit more serious than a scuffle.

Anyway, my advice OP, would be that if it genuinely was something minor ignore.

If it was something more serious I'd approach her and say that you can tell she's aware of it. That it happened a long time ago in difficult circumstances, that you're ashamed of what happened and regret it deeply and that it doesn't reflect the person you are today.

Hopefully that would give you a chance to start from a clean sheet. But if it was on the serious side of things you might have to accept that when their children are involved people don't take chances and you might have to understand if they're reluctant to let their children be with you unsupervised for example.

MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 10:20

Yes. Did you bully someone? Was it the end of a sustained campaign? Did the person on the other end receive injuries? It must have been pretty serious to be banned from 6th form.

Squarerouteofsquirrel · 28/10/2017 10:36

Op. Providing it was generally out of character behaviour and you weren’t the school bully, I think you are worrying needlessly. I don’t know how old you are, but honestly if someone told me your tale, my thought process would be along the lines of -
Wtf are you telling me what ink* did at school x years ago for?

  • How tragic that gossips life is so sad that they have to spice it up with tales of other people’s ancient history.
  • I would give it about 2 minutes of my attention before moving back to worrying about my own life.
  • Make a mental note not to tell this person anything.
Bubblebubblepop · 28/10/2017 10:42

Margaret I'm not sure if you're genuinely questioning or just desperately trying to stick it at the OP?

I remember at school there being multiple physical fights per week. It's a normal part of schooling unfortunately

OldPony · 28/10/2017 10:45

Don't worry at all! Everyone's done stuff like that. No one cares honestly! I know people who got drunk at the Office Xmas party and ended up having a threesome!

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