Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy that this story about me has emerged

184 replies

Inkandbone · 27/10/2017 22:37

Quite a while ago now, I did something wrong (nothing criminal) and because it was conceded the circumstances had been difficult I sort of got off quite lightly. No more was really said about it.

Until now when someone I knew then has told some people I know now.

It's not very rational,but I'm embarrassed and upset.

I guess typing it makes me realise there's nothing much I can do, but aibu for feeling this way?

OP posts:
MadMags · 28/10/2017 16:25

I think you're making a far bigger deal out of it than is necessary.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 16:26

I know, but it is embarrassing.

She did call me some pretty horrible names !

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 28/10/2017 16:37

I read this thread with Rizzo's song from Grease running through my head 'There are worse things i could do' particularly the bit 'I could hurt someone like me out of spite or jealousy'.

this is awful for you OP, to have this brought up when you are so ashamed of it but try to keep it in proportion. Nearly every teenager does something their adult self regrets and in the grand scheme of things a playground scuffle leading to a few days exclusion is very small beer. Hold your head up high. If anyone mentions anything, just say 'That wasn't a proud moment for me and I bitterly regret it' and leave it at that. If they won't let it go repeat 'It was a big mistake, I'm very ashamed and I prefer not to talk about it' as often as required.

Dancinggoat · 28/10/2017 16:42

It’s a scrap that happened 20 years ago !
What’s there to be embarrassed about ?
I’d just say nobodies perfect me included. Combo of exam stress, being called nasty things and hormones.

Honestly, who in their 30s is slightly interested in a girly fight that lasted 30seconds 20 years ago. If that causes gossip you live in a very dull world.

Shelby2010 · 28/10/2017 16:50

No one is condoning violence, but ffs it was 20 years ago when you were a child! The fact you still feel embarrassed about it suggests that it is not part of your current character. Forgive child self and move on.

Practically speaking, I would follow the advice of a previous poster and work out a few set phrases so you are prepared in the unlikely event anyone mentions it.

Eg
So XX has been telling the story about when I snapped & slapped a girl who was bullying me? You'd think she'd find something more interesting to talk about after 20 years!
Or
Well if we talking about our teenage misdeeds, I could fill you in on a few of XXs if I was as big a gossip as her!

If the woman starts dropping hints about it then something like: 'your life must be pretty dull if you're still talking about a playground scrap that happened 20 years ago? Why do you think anyone would be interested? Maybe I'll tell them about the time you wet yourself in class. That wasn't you? Are you sure? I'm sure I remember it being you.... Don't worry, I've no reason to be spreading tales to embarrass you - have I?'

Bluntness100 · 28/10/2017 17:00

She called uou names and you slapped her, pulled her hair and tried to kick her, what did it last, five seconds, so how did she sustain damage? That doesn’t make sense.

I’ve no clue why they would expel over that, especially if she was hiking abuse at you, seems a major over reaction to me. But then I can’t undestand how she would sustain damage from a slapped face and a hair yank either. Confused

honeyroar · 28/10/2017 17:05

Was the person gossiping involved or a friend of the person involved? If so I can perhaps justify her still dragging it up/not thinking kindly of you (only just though!). If not she's very strange, and must just love gossiping.

Id just reply, "I can't believe she's/you're dragging that up again after 20 yrs. She must be a massive gossiper. I've grown up and moved on."

Ta1kinPeece · 28/10/2017 17:07

So, you were kicked out of a posh school for fighting.
COOL
Channel your inner St Trinians and grin about it.
seriously
Some things you have to look back on and say
that was a life experience that helped me to grow up

Sunrosepink · 28/10/2017 17:09

Honestly it looks alot worse on the "woman" that is dragging it up.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 17:10

I didn't say any damage was sustained.

I said the opposite.

OP posts:
Lweji · 28/10/2017 17:15

Did she call you any names after that?

ShimmeringBollox · 28/10/2017 17:17

Oh op, it's obviously something that really hurt you at a really tough time in your life.
The person who was gossiping about it is a bit of a twunt.

Atenco · 28/10/2017 17:19

OP, we all have a past

Indeed, I'm just glad facebook wasn't around back in the day.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 17:20

I didnt really see her after that, Lweji! My non married surname was a W name so I was at the back during exams. A couple of my friends remembered it in vague terms but the general consensus was that she was a bitch as I hadn't really been known for flinging myself like a screeching banshee at other girls!

Not my finest moment.

Tell you what though I've had some weird private messages on the back of this thread Halloween Confused

OP posts:
honeyroar · 28/10/2017 17:27

You could really give her something to gossip about and say you'll do the same to her unless she shuts up!

MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 17:38

I did say several times what I thought you should do! I think your own feelings about this have been pretty bang on appropriate and if the other mother mentions it again you should say exactly what you've said on here. That it was a long time ago, you're embarrassed by the whole incident and regret it and that it doesn't reflect who you are now.

She's obviously heard something which reflects the other girl's experience and from her POV it might have been more traumatic than you realised. I think your initial feelings that you detailed on here were the right ones to go with if it comes up again or if you want to tackle them. It doesn't minimise it or seek to place blame elsewhere but just accepts it, regrets it, moves on.

I think your response is much more dignified than calling other people gossips or lying about why you left school etc.

MargaretTwatyer · 28/10/2017 17:39

Or especially honey's suggestion.

Sunrosepink · 28/10/2017 17:42

@Inkandbone what private messages have you had? What did they say?
Post themGrin
How strange

SmileSunshine · 28/10/2017 17:42

It was 20 years ago!!! I would tell the woman spreading the gossip to get over herself and move on with her life. Everyone makes mistakes. Then again, it drives me mad when people refer to stuff that happened that long ago as if it is in the present. These people need to grow up.

If anyone says anything to you, just laugh and say 'that was so long ago, I can't believe she is still talking about what we got up to when we were that young. A lot has changed since. it's a pity she's so caught up in the past'.

Original poster
Inkandbone · 28/10/2017 17:43

One saying that I am a lady and should get the thread removed because I am a lady and do not need to justify myself Halloween Hmm

And one inviting me to talk Halloween Grin

I really hope no one was ah, excited at a schoolgirl scrap ?!

OP posts:
MadMags · 28/10/2017 17:45

Ooh post them!

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/10/2017 17:50

Indeed, I'm just glad facebook wasn't around back in the day.

Me too.

hiddley · 28/10/2017 17:57

So who has the gossip told about this? As in, parents of your kid's friends or something? Or a work colleague? It's malicious gossip probably designed to 'take you down a peg or two'.

Olddear · 28/10/2017 17:59

If this person says anything else to you, laugh, put your dukes up and say 'still got it' then walk away still laughing!

Bubblebubblepop · 28/10/2017 18:07

"Today 14:11 Bluntness100

OP, just do as others have said, shrug it off, no big deal

Right, and if as an example, it was your son she had seriously hurt and maybe hospitalised would you be saying it’s no big deal ? What about If it was you, not your son she attacked and maybe hospitalised, would you be saying no big deal, shrug it off? Whilst rhe memorty of the attack stays with you forever?

You, like us, have no idea the severity of this incident or the impact on the other child. Saying it’s no big deal isn’t very nice. When it could have been, it could have been a very big deal indeed or it may not have been, the point is you don’t know. All you know was another child was attacked and to such an extreme she was asked to leave immediately and not to return."

I know the thread has moved on but I don't get this at all, or Margaret's posts.

I went to school with someone who fights- He still does now as far as I know. He's absolutely caused damage- he's been imprisoned for it. It's grim although he was a lovely, but very damaged and insecure young boy.

I still occasionally see him in a pub and have a quick catch up. We're never going to be best friends because of his mentality and ethics but if someone sidled up to me and told me he was a thug I'd just be like WTF? Who cares? What do these people think they will achieve by gossiping?