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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this bill shouldn't have been split 4 ways

192 replies

stillpinching · 26/10/2017 22:33

I had lunch today with two colleagues - one who, like me is a teacher and the other is a TA (this is relevant).

The other teacher and I both have toddlers and the TA has two children who are teens. The original plan had been an adults only meal, but my childcare fell through and then the other teacher said she would bring her son for mine to play with, and then the TA said she would bring her 14 year old. Tbh, I was a bit put out because her 14 year old attends our school and her being there would limit our ability to gossip Smile. However, I knew it was me who had messed up the adults only thing to begin with so didn't say anything.

The place we went to was a tapas type place where you order a number of dishes, rather than individual meals. DS (2) eats very well and easily ate the most of the three 'children' present Blush. The 14 yr old ate the least, but did request a biggish desert which was described as being for sharing. We all had a little but she had the most having really just picked at the other dishes.

We had a nice time and then the bill came. The other teacher immediately grabbed it and said we're splitting it four ways, no? TA queried it and was told that as her child was more or less an adult this was fair. She pointed out that her daughter had eaten little, but this was brushed aside and the desert was mentioned as having raised the cost. I hate confrontation, but at this point ds was playing up anyway and then before I knew it TA had put money down and stormed out with her daughter.

I am mortified that she has effectively subsidised us having had to pay half the bill while we paid a quarter each, and, aside from anything else, she is paid about half the amount that we both are. I have messaged her but she hasn't replied (not unusual for her tbh) but AIBU to think this wasn't right and to think we should reimburse her on Monday?

OP posts:
bianglala · 27/10/2017 12:33

Sorry. I agree with the Teacher. I hate it when I eat out in a party with Children and the bill is split between the children. I’m not subsidising your children!

Wow you are a sad person. If I go out, I would expect to pay a little more just to keep things simple and everybody happy. How much is a bloody dessert anyway? Jesus, some people are tight as fuck!

jellycat1 · 27/10/2017 12:36

My God that is mortifying. Yanbu. Poor ta.

RandomUsernameHere · 27/10/2017 12:40

Agree with Jellycat.
YANBU and the other teacher sounds awful.

rookiemere · 27/10/2017 12:49

Biangala well isn't it great that you're happy to pay for other peoples children, good for you.

I'm happy too to pay a bit extra when they have the children's menu as that's generally pretty cheap and therefore only a few quid more , but if they're digging in to the shared food then it's a different matter. Also as in this case apparently toddlers don't count at all, but teens count as full adults when it comes to paying.

VioletCharlotte · 27/10/2017 12:50

Me and my friends always just pay for what we/ our kids eat when we go out. So much fairer this way. We have no issue with getting the calculator out at the table and splitting the bill. I know other people who would be mortified by this, but it avoids this sense of situation!

DixieNormas · 27/10/2017 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 13:00

Why doesn’t someone suggest that everyone’s should have just paid for what they ate 😂

SoupDragon · 27/10/2017 13:02

Me and my friends always just pay for what we/ our kids eat when we go out. So much fairer this way. We have no issue with getting the calculator out at the table and splitting the bill.

How do you envisage that working with tapas which is all shared?

2014newme · 27/10/2017 13:16

@VioletCharlotte ^ thus, how do you only pay for what you ate with sharing tapas plates

MaisyPops · 27/10/2017 13:20

Wow you are a sad person. If I go out, I would expect to pay a little more just to keep things simple and everybody happy
So they are sad for not wanting to subsidise other people's children in you eyes?
I could cover splitting the bill and ignoring children, but I don't becuse it's not my job to cover the costs of feeding othet people's children. I must be sad too because I'm not up for paying more than my share to keep people happy.

I don't dig thr calculator out and will happily split if it all looks fairly similar, but if people bring children, have wine and I don't, have desert and I don't, opt for pricey dishes when i don't then not a chance am I subbing them.
It's always people who are CF who are always keen to split the bill too.

Goshthatwentwell · 27/10/2017 14:01

Maisy which is fine if are all similar income wise.
However I looked a right tit insisting I paid my £25 share the other day. My friends are well off and that amount is what they spend on a mid week bottle of wine whereas it's my entertain budget for the week.They found it awkward that I too couldn't laugh off that amount like them.

agedknees · 27/10/2017 14:11

Splitting the bill 4 ways is a mean spirited thing to do. All of the children had things to eat.

Whinesalot · 27/10/2017 14:23

Yes 3 ways given your toddler ate more than any of them.

The teacher may have a point if the teenager ate a lot more than the seller kids although I guess she feels a bit short changed given that your toddler ate loads and the teenager ordered desert. She's lost out I suppose, but she should have said something like split 3 ways and you leave a small tip for dd's desert or something.

Ellybellyboo · 27/10/2017 14:25

I think it should have been split 3 ways too

I had a similar words a few weeks ago - got together with friends for a Chinese takeaway. 3 couples and 6 children between us. My 16 year old DD1 was the eldest.

My 2 DDs don’t like Chinese so I fed them at home before we left (friends knew this when we decided on Chinese). Get to friend’s and ordered Chinese.

DD1 pinched a chip off DH’s plate, DD2 didn’t eat anything. Everyone else’s kids ate

Then someone decided that the bill should be split 7 ways as my DD was ‘technically an adult’. I put my foot down but one of the DH got really arsey about it

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 27/10/2017 14:27

I agree that I'm not keen on subsidising other ppl's meals/ alcohol, but I don't think that's relevant in this situation unless the teenager had a bottle of Rioja. All the children had consumed comparable amounts and the bill should have been split 3 ways.

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 14:49

It was unfair on the TA to split the bill 4 ways, as her teenage DD ate less than the toddlers. I think you’re getting a hard time on here, OP, and I don’t think that’s fair. I also hate confrontation in public so I understand why you didn’t speak up at the time.

But this can be put right! I would send an email to both of them stating what you’ve said on here, that you and the other teacher were wrong to split the bill the way you did and that you want to put it right. Hopefully that will make it right between you. As for the other lady, she sounds like no friend at all.

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 14:57

Sorry, I hadn’t RTFT! Your TA friend sounds lovely, I’m glad all is well between you. Smile

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 27/10/2017 15:09

All the "I can't stand getting a calculator out at the end of the meal! So cringe!" people sound socially inept and, well, a bit thick. Is it really beyond your comprehension that not everybody has the same budget or views on subsidising others?

snash12 · 27/10/2017 16:32

Never come across a situation where a higher paid group pay more if the bill, that's a bit odd!

That's what I thought too! I

Jenny17 · 27/10/2017 17:10

Why not understand how you expect to split the bill before you order. Even from this thread there are so many differences of opinion.

Personally I hate sharing my food. I hate these kind of differences in opinion on paying the bill. Prefer to order seperate and pay separate.

MaisyPops · 27/10/2017 18:07

DailyMailReadersAreThick
There's a balance.
E.g. If I go for lunch with a friend and we all order your average main and a soft drink then I'm not going to count it out because that's a bit cringey. We'll split it. I don't see the point when there's £2-3 in it. It'll even out over time anyway.

I would hate being out with people who start adding up that their sparkling water was 75p less than someone's coke etc

But if I'm out for tea and I have a starter, main and soft drink then I'll not be splitting if others have had 3 courses and wine.

In my experience most people are reasonable (e.g. we've all had a main but only some had wine so we'll split food cost and then wine people split the wine cost). People who tend to love pushing bill splitting in all situations (generalising here) seem to be the CF who order the steak anf cocktails when everyone else is having a pasta and a shared bottle of house wine

Mammyloveswine · 27/10/2017 18:20

The group who went out and all paid different amounts according to salary band would be a nightmare for me! I'm at the top of my pay scale but work part time so actually earn less than full time colleagues at the bottom... I will have taken this into account and purposefully ordered something cheap! Generally we all pay for what we've had, I have eyes and basic maths skills so if mine has roughly come to 18 pound id chuck in 20 for e.g.

In the ops case as all children are then the meal should have been split between the adults! So 3 ways.

Glad you got sorted with TA OP.

QueenInTheNorth26 · 27/10/2017 18:25

She's not even an older teenager she's 14!. It should've been split 3 ways.

Yaley · 27/10/2017 21:21

It's all so cringeworthy I think the best course of action is to forget it and move on.

Having a post-mortem, sending out emails and passing around a couple of quid is prolonging the cringe.

Amatree · 27/10/2017 21:37

**I went for a meal out recently with my whole department, and when the bill came someone suggested that everyone on salary band 4 and above paid £30, band 5 paid £25 and band 6 paid £20 (where band 6 are the lowest paid!)

I thought it was a really nice gesture, and an acknowledgment of the fact that for those of us in band 6, meals out are a pretty rare treat.

And you weren't embarrassed to sponge off people who have worked hard to get to where they are?! Salary has absolutely nothing to do with what you owe when the bill arrives. Trust me that table will have been full of higher earners feeling seriously annoyed but feeling unable to speak up for fear of looking mean. You thought it was lovely because you got your food paid for but other people were railroaded into subsidising work colleagues when they may well have not been able to afford it. Just because they earn more, you don't know their personal circumstances. I'm genuinely shocked to read that happened and even more shocked that you let it!