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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this bill shouldn't have been split 4 ways

192 replies

stillpinching · 26/10/2017 22:33

I had lunch today with two colleagues - one who, like me is a teacher and the other is a TA (this is relevant).

The other teacher and I both have toddlers and the TA has two children who are teens. The original plan had been an adults only meal, but my childcare fell through and then the other teacher said she would bring her son for mine to play with, and then the TA said she would bring her 14 year old. Tbh, I was a bit put out because her 14 year old attends our school and her being there would limit our ability to gossip Smile. However, I knew it was me who had messed up the adults only thing to begin with so didn't say anything.

The place we went to was a tapas type place where you order a number of dishes, rather than individual meals. DS (2) eats very well and easily ate the most of the three 'children' present Blush. The 14 yr old ate the least, but did request a biggish desert which was described as being for sharing. We all had a little but she had the most having really just picked at the other dishes.

We had a nice time and then the bill came. The other teacher immediately grabbed it and said we're splitting it four ways, no? TA queried it and was told that as her child was more or less an adult this was fair. She pointed out that her daughter had eaten little, but this was brushed aside and the desert was mentioned as having raised the cost. I hate confrontation, but at this point ds was playing up anyway and then before I knew it TA had put money down and stormed out with her daughter.

I am mortified that she has effectively subsidised us having had to pay half the bill while we paid a quarter each, and, aside from anything else, she is paid about half the amount that we both are. I have messaged her but she hasn't replied (not unusual for her tbh) but AIBU to think this wasn't right and to think we should reimburse her on Monday?

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 26/10/2017 22:50

3 friends = 3 way split.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/10/2017 22:50

@Skarossinkplunger but they all had kids with them. And my DD at 6yo can eat more than my DH on a good day so the age of the child is no indicator.

I'd bung her cash on Monday.

Lethaldrizzle · 26/10/2017 22:50

Definitely should have been split 3 ways especially as she was a teaching assistant, hardly a high earner. I certainly don't mind paying for other people's children

Tilapia · 26/10/2017 22:51

Why split between 5?! There were 6 people there (3 adults and 3 children).

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/10/2017 22:51

I think it's fair to split between families, so in this case the bill is split 3 ways. This settles the dispute between who ate more (your child) and the 14yr old who ate most of the pudding without accounting for every bite (which would turn food to ashes for me)

You don't mention this in your OP, but teachers are paid far better than TAs as well, I think.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 26/10/2017 22:52

A 14 yr old would generally eat more than a toddler imo. If it wasn’t tapas they would probably order off the adults menu rather than the kids menu.

Skarossinkplunger · 26/10/2017 22:52

Yep, that’s why I said between 5. However I didn’t realise there was 3 children there. I take it the other child ate also? Then, yes between three would be right.

Skarossinkplunger · 26/10/2017 22:54

I don’t think what people earn should come into it.

Hellywelly10 · 26/10/2017 22:54

Other teachers sounds like a cow. As you both earn much more than the TA this was particularly out of order. Perhaps work on your confrontation issues. Sometimes it's needed.

Original poster
stillpinching · 26/10/2017 22:56

Keepserving I did mention the differing amounts we are paid - it's the main reason I feel so bad.

Yes, I should have spoken up and I'm really annoyed at myself. It just all happened so fast I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. As has been said, a 14 yr old doesn't earn and we were all a family of two, so it would never in a million yeARS HAVE OCCURED to me to have split it anything other than equally.

OP posts:
gobster · 26/10/2017 22:56

From the situation you’ve described 3 ways would be fine

I have been out with people whose 14 year old had three courses including a fillet steak probably costing more than the adults meals and they would often class them as a child even though haven’t had a child’s meal

RubyFlint · 26/10/2017 22:57

The other teacher was being tight. Maybe she has money issues that you don't know about or maybe something else has happened in the past and she feels ripped off in some way. I can't imagine why else she would make such a stand over a small lunchtime bill with colleagues and kids. She must know that this has now caused offence. And what will happen now?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 26/10/2017 22:59

How much did stingy teachers kid eat?

Smeaton · 26/10/2017 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 26/10/2017 23:01

They were sharing dishes though so not easy to pay for what you’ve eaten.

supersop60 · 26/10/2017 23:08

Definitely split 3 ways. Re-calculate the bill and reimburse your TA friend. If teacher refuses, just give TA your share, and your conscience is clear.

MaisyPops · 26/10/2017 23:08

Should have been split 3 ways.

Whether people are a teacher or a TA doesn't come into it though. (Would it have been more than OK for a teacher to end up having their teen counted because they earn more? Of course not)

HolyShet · 26/10/2017 23:13

3 ways or separate bills
The TA couldn't afford to pay extra, so here I think the salary gap is relevant
How come other friend gets to call the shots.

Bills get split by mutual agreement

RubyFlint · 26/10/2017 23:14

What supersop said

ZenNudist · 26/10/2017 23:15

Well i always split the bill even if i lose out. I hate petty sqabbles over who ate what. I think 4 ways could be fair enough. Not eorth stropping about. Its different being expected to pay equal share for 2/3 year olds.

Inertia · 26/10/2017 23:17

You need to apologise to the TA for not speaking up and pay your share of the difference, and get on to the other teacher. That's really mean behaviour, given that you all took children along who ate the food.

RubyFlint · 26/10/2017 23:19

Also, does the teacher have form for this kind of thing? If not, I'd say there's more to this.

Notcontent · 26/10/2017 23:21

I think a bit of common sense is required when splitting bills and in this case splitting between 3 was the on,y fair way to do it.

I remember feeling a bit upset when I once met up with two friends for lunch and I had brought my dd with me (which was part of the plan). Dd was about 5 or 6 at that stage and I only ordered something very small for her, as she didn't eat much, but when the bill came one friend immediately decided that we would split the bill into four...

dustarr73 · 26/10/2017 23:22

I think in this case it should have been split 3 ways.As you all had a child each.And it would have been fairer.

WhataHexIgotinto · 26/10/2017 23:23

God I hate this kind of shite when you go out. Of course it should have been split 3 ways, I really can't be bothered with all this 'he had two more chips than I didn't nonsense. If the 14 year old and ordered fillet steak then that may be slightly different but the OP clearly said that her DC ate the most. Some people are so tight and it's a trait that I absolutely loathe. YANBU.