Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

You were at the till, so are customers meant to come to the till to order, or do you go to their table?

Botox I think things will be worse for our daughters

Why worse?

Curly, at the golf clubbed they probably only banned the bum-toucher because the the woman involved belonged to a male member.

I agree I think women’s rights is going backwards not forwards. Look at the sheer number of Weinstein victims - everyone knew and no one gave a shit. It was only when he pissed off a man that anyone bothered to listen.

I don't want to believe you're right, Stealth, but sadly I think you are. The rise and rise of pornography, which is demonstrably affecting the sexuality of young men and the body image of young women; the toxic medieval ethos of Isis and the House of Saud being bought into and fought for by men (and women) raised in democratic societies; the fact that one of the most powerful people in the world is a proudly self-confessed 'pussy grabber'; the endless tsunami of plasticising and body-shaming images pushed at us by the media ... I don't spend all day dwelling on it, but when I do I feel hugely angry and anxious for my 10 yr old DD.

I've had this, but not really in the workplace (even though I'm in IT).

I walked into a motorbike shop with my then boyfriend (now DH), and have had a few varied reactions. I usually get ignored until my OH laughs and points at me saying, "don't ask me, mate, speak to her - she's the one with the bike!". I was once looking for a bike cover, but they didn't have the size I was looking for. I asked if they had large, and the fella looks at me like I'm daft, and says "well, the small should do you, what have you got, a scooter?" My OH starts laughing, crosses his arms and says "oh dude, this is going to be fun. You shouldn't have said that!". His face when I told him I had a super sportsbike was fun.

I've also had the whole mortgage thing. The chap on the phone couldn't quite understand that I was remortgaging in my name only. Kept asking constantly about my husband. Even said, "so your husband isn't on the application. Why would he do that?" REALLY? None of your business, pal! Do I get a mortgage or not?

When we had our little girl, the number of people who assumed I'd cut my hours down was crazy. Yes, I get that a lot of parents cut down their working hours as childcare is crazy expensive. But nobody ever suggested my DH would cut his hours down - obviously it would be me. Then my DH would say, "No chance, we can't afford to reduce her salary, she gets paid way more than me." Everyone looks so surprised that a woman could make more money than a man. Very sad in this day and age.

Reading all of this makes me realise I've got a really good DH who doesn't give a crap about looking macho.

@insomniacAnonymous yeah, we are quite informal and customers know to order at the bar (As it says on the menus). Kinda like at Nandos I guess but much smaller. The customers who have tried to order with the chef had been in before but didn't know or meet the chef at all. He never ever takes orders. I had actually greeted the customers when they came in and handed them the menus, plus you have to go around the bar to get to the kitchen so the customers on each occasion had to really go out of their way to ignore me and go to the kitchen. Weird!

I was halfway through reading this thread and paused to check work email.

I am a HoD in a university and we are currently recruiting for a junior grade lecturer. The advert lists my details if applicants want an informal chat.

I am a woman. I have a female first name.

The top email in my inbox, "Dear sir, I am enquiring about a vacancy I have seen on jobs.ac.uk....." it ends by asking whether it is worth his applying or not.

Well since you ask, mate, nope.......

I personally wouldn't want to have to ask an employee to tell people that they're to speak to me as I'm the boss. I think it's embarassing for them, it's not their fault, and it makes you look a bit like you're on an ego trip - even though I know that's not the point.
Maybe you could do it a bit more surreptitiously - walk past and say 'let me know if you need any technical information' or say ' could you check I have such and such stock afterwards please?' They might be silly examples but you know what I mean?

OMG you won’t believe this!! I had to get a taxi today and the whole time I was just thinking of this thread. This was the most awful taxi ride I have ever taken.

The (male) driver started chatting to me, asked if I was going out later. I said “no I’ll probably avoid it due to Halloween etc”

HIS REPLY!!!

“Oh yes well I will be working tonight as it’s one of the only times you get to see all the GIRLS out in their stockings and short skirts. When I have ONE in my taxi I make sure I angle my mirror so I can get a good look”

I just sat there totally gobsmacked by the blatant creepiness. He kept staring at me in the mirror and turning round.

He went on to tell me about all the “girls” he has in the taxi and it’s great when they’re wearing skimpy outfits “especially the ones your age”

WHAT???? I was considerably younger than him, more than young enough to be his daughter.

He went to tell me about a “girl” who was so drunk her boobs were falling out of her top and she had fallen asleep in the taxi. I dread to think.

I was absolutely disgusted.

(Yes I took down his taxi reg number, name and will be making a complaint)

Most of the time this would really annoy me and I've been known to go in a shop to buy something and the go elsewhere if the sales guy ignores me.

But in your case OP I'd find it hilarious and be grateful that I could spend my time working on the business (marketing, reorganising the shop, meeting new suppliers, etc) whilst Joe's busy working in the business. Especially as he seems a competent sort who knows when to check with you.

I’ve been thinking about this thread a great deal in odd moments. Depressing and bloody, bloody frustrating which makes me angry to think about it.

I must be honest though and say that I suspect I’ve not experienced it nearly as much as other women and am wondering if it’s to do with my size/physical presence?

I’m 5’10 1/2 in my socks so immediately am six foot in most shoes (and ginormous in heels!) Granted, my look of ‘dont you even try it’ might also help, but could it be related?

Have also been thinking about this thread a lot, to the point that tonight a male staff member at work was jokily singing a song about wanking as he cleaned, and said "oh, I shouldn't sing that near you!" to me and my response was "BECAUSE IM A WOMAN?!?!!?" 😂

I live in France and haven't experienced much of this (which ties in with the PP who said France was only 35th in the study)

Waiters put the bill down in the middle of the table regardless who asked for it. DH orders the wine but the waiter always asks who wants to taste.

It is true that they assume the fish dish is for me and the juicy steak for DH (wrong!) but apart from that no complaints.

At work I've never felt overlooked. I'm currently on an IT rproject with 2 very strong women directors and 80% of the team are women. It's great.

Hiding 😂

Remarkable how fools can look so smug

I live in Australia and have had this happen a bit. I work in IT. I find its mostly older women who tend to assume im the secretary.

If you employ Joe, let the customers talk to him. That's why you are employing him, aren't you? Let Joe do the hard work.

Dear Sir in emails gets my goat. It happens to me all.the time. Even when I've spoken to someone in the phone I can get an email back later starting Dear Sir. I'm happy with Dear Sir or Madam or Ms Couch but why do they assume I have suddenly grown a penis! It's not just men either.

I went to make a purchase a few years ago. I took along my boyfriend as I value his opinion.
The sales rep shook his hand first, introduced himself to my boyfriend. Then I got a cursory handshake whilst he was still chatting to my boyfriend. The sales rep didn’t even stop to make eye contact with me!

It wasn’t until the end of the sales patter when my boyfriend wouldn’t give him his contact details, redirecting him to me, that I think he got the idea. Even after this he was asking to speak to my boyfriend on my telephone number when he called. It appeared to confuse him.

I should have walked out of the showroom at that point.

I think it's how you carry yourself, as dh hates talking to people in shops so everyone always approaches me.

I just call him over and say sign here, do this, print name and he just does what I say.

I experienced the opposite. Several years ago I worked in the motorbike trade as office manager but was always getting male customers drone on to me about their motorbikes, assuming I rode them and knew the difference between and adventure and a tourer, twin and single cams etc

I was reading through thinking 'I must post about bike shops', go to buy a motorbike and you are talked to like a biker, even if you have arrived in a dress and heels.

I must be honest though and say that I suspect I’ve not experienced it nearly as much as other women and am wondering if it’s to do with my size/physical presence?

I'm 5ft nothing and blonde - I'm sure it makes a difference!

sashh

Dh did let the side down when he went to buy his first (and only) 500cc bike

' I can't decide between the red and the blue'

What the fuck is wrong with you man

I have never experienced it either.

Nope I'm 5'9" and large and confident and have been described as "having gravitas"

I was finance director at 28 of a large multinational ad agency.

Though to be fair most of the sexist assumptions have been made whilst i wasn't physically there - phone, email etc.