Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

Oh FFS I have no idea why half of that is scored out

Ooh I've got one - for some reason I had to stay overnight in a hotel after a visit to a local office. My (male) driver got a nice room whereas mine was little more than a cupboard with a bed in it!

This is hilarious- yes I work in a mostly male industry and this happens to me all the time. Sometimes I will have made eye contact and said ‘Hi’ and they give me a nod, only to approach a male customer to ask for pricing. Years ago I would get ‘Is this your Dad’s shop,’ but then that became ‘do you work for your husband then?’ If I gave them advice that they didn’t like it would be ‘No offence, but can I speak to the guy?’ Mate, I am ‘the guy.’

With respect to the person who said this, Kitee PLEASE don’t do this, you only have to look at AIBU to see the number of threads where this overly interested stance puts people off!
Actually this! If I walk into a shop I either know exactly what I want and will go straight to it, or I want to quietly look around without being put under pressure.
Its ok if a member of staff acknowledges my entrance with a smile or a hello, but anything more than that is obtrusive. I would definitely choose the alternative staff member to deal with when ready.

I think you might be trying too hard.

Happens a lot to me, I work in highway engineering and regularly get overlooked when people want to discuss our works. Sometimes the men would get a handshake and I would be blanked. 😐

I’m getting more involved in promoting STEM now in the hope this can be changed in the younger generation.

I think you need to stop greeting everyone who comes in. It would def send me in the other direction.

Women do this too, a male colleague and I interviewed some candidates recently. At least 1 male answered exclusively to my colleague and 1 female talked just to me. Neither got the job!

Trueheart1

No idea what you're blathering on about. I've posted once on this this thread (prior to this) so kindly fuck off with your accusations of "mean spirited attempts..." and "accusations".

This really annoys me. I got a phone call the other day when DH was at work.
'Hello can I speak to Mr badwife'
'Hes at work sorry can I help'
'Its xxx calling from British gas about smart meters, We would like to speak to your husband about fitting smart meters'
'I pay the gas and electric bill, I dont want smart meters thank you'
'What time will your husband be home and we will phone him back then'

😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

Reading this thread and finding it fascinating and shocking. Reading lots of them to my husband and asking what he'd do - generally not too bad but it has made me really think and I will be reading them all and opening more discussion on this with my son, too.
My husband reminded me of a 'riddle' we heard : A father and child have a terrible accident. They are both taken to hospital unconscious. The child needs an operation and is rushed to theatre. However, the surgeon sees the child and says ' I can't operate on this child - he's my son !' How can this be possible ?
... it is incredible how many people just cannot fathom the answer

CherryChasingDotMuncher - Sexist Political party? I assume you've never had a UKIP rep round, then?

This will out me - our local pub had a total refurb ( was a total dump pre). We live near an international airport, pub was renamed to reflect that. Toilets were renamed 'Pilots' (Men) and 'Stewardesses' . I worked at the airport and pointed out that I knew, personally, several female pilots. Should they go in the 'Pilots' ?

I complained on FB, Twitter, wrote to the brewery. The answers I got ranged from 'ok calm down dear' to 'we wanted to inject a little humour into the pub' (casual sexism being so funny!). They did repaint the doors and rename them Men and Women tho.

Twats.

interesting thought

So many angry posters complaining that people see them as unapproachable. Chicken and egg, eh?

I don't think anyone has said that.

Also I've seen those highways signs that say both my daddy/mummy works here.

Since I'm sometimes behind those barriers I certainly appreciate the acknowledgement I am not male.

Not terribly interesting. I'm not sure how you've equated invisible with unapproachable.

As if the mere act of noticing ones invisibleness makes one an unapproachable loon.

Newsflash: women are allowed to be angry and taken seriously. And if you don't think so it's you with the problem.

I used to work for a large company with a not-quite progressive corporate culture and as a young woman and the only female lawyer you would have expected this to happen often but it only did once or twice and with the same guy, the financial controller in a North African country (large multinational company with plenty of sites). We never actually met but I was warned that he always tried to ignore and belittle women, so in turn I ignored his attempts at obstruction and insisted until he sent the info that I requested. It was a recurrent thing, and I guess that he gave up after a while because I don't remember it happening in later years.
However, it seems that I was somewhat feared by those who had actually met me. I don't know if the law degree trumped my female bits or whether I'm truly intimidating but one middle aged IT manager actually cowered during a meeting with me so maybe I have a super power .

Oh, I remembered another one from the same job, a truly awful patronising guy, the head of HR in the Caribbean region, who emailed me CC all and sundry (including his boss) blaming me/my department for some mistake he had made. I then set the record right but being a nice person (despite my reputation) I only wrote back to him. He did it again so I saw the pattern (he wanted his boss to think that it was our fault as little miss lawyer would not dare to CC him with the answer, the boss being a director), so I wrote a very passive aggressive response setting the record straight once again and answering a misguided dig at my grammar with another one (in Latin, if I remember rightly), cleared it with my boss just in case - guy was blaming his cock-ups on Legal when Legal had not intervened or been informed -, he chuckled and let me send it off, CC to all and sundry, including the guy's boss AND his minions, just as he had done. I heard no more of the guy, ever, in the many years I continued working there. Of course I then fixed his mess, it was my job as he clearly couldn't and it was escalating into a disaster of huge proportions, but I'm not a mug, mate.

Oh, and another one from this same boss, actually. When I first started working there - he recruited me fresh off an internship abroad, so my first real job - he would try to have me take dictation for letters and stuff. Now, I knew about the non-progressiveness of the company and such but this was silly. However, I said nothing and sat down. He started, I started typing but as he dictated I would improve on the text. He said nothing, I said nothing, the letter looked nothing like what he had said but he couldn't find fault because I drafted it better. He soon gave up too and from then on when he wanted some document drafted he told me and took care of it like, you know, the lawyer I was, not a secretary.

Wow that was long. Maybe I had blanked all of it as I always challenged it as it happened. I pity the fool who tries to mess with me. I am lawyer-woman, hear me roar!

Gaaahd, what a depressing, piss-boiling thread. Sorry, no better advice to give than has already been offered, OP - I'm just so sad that this is still happening day in, day out, to so many women, though not remotely surprised.
Example from 20-ish years ago: I was sent by my company to assess a new tech system alongside another manager, same level, male (I'd also been asked on the qt to keep an eye on him as he was being investigated for misconduct). It was known that I'd be the one making the final recommendation. Arrived at prospective suppliers' and was ushered into a conference room with about a dozen blokes, 2 middlemen who were brokering the deal, and my colleague. We all sat down and introductions were made; I was left until last, when the utter bellend of a CEO (60-ish) who'd sat himself next to me put his hand on my thigh, squeezed it, and said, 'And how about you, sweetheart? You must be VERY important to have come all this way to see us', winked at me, grinned around the room and then proceeded to turn his back on me and address his entire presentation to my colleague. Long story short, it continued in this vein, reaching the nadir when I removed my suit jacket (room was boiling) and my colleague hooted, 'Blimey, thought they were coming out then', to snorts from around the table. Managed to retain my dignity, but rage doesn't even begin to cover it.
Needless to say, I didn't have to explain to the broker why they wouldn't be getting our business (tbf he was mortified and hugely apologetic about the whole thing) and the twat I worked with was fired about 3 weeks later (I didn't cry ).
Recent example: Enquired about solar panels last year and when discussing on-site meeting with cocky salesman was asked 'Will Mr Botox be there?'. No, it's me you'll be dealing with. 'Unless he's there it's a complete waste of our time, not worth coming out' and - I shit you not - he put the phone down.
Just two incidents in a long, exhausting litany of this shitty nonsense. Luckily I know and have worked with a lot of lovely men who regard women as being equal members of the species. DH is a senior exec and will actively intervene if men talk across women in his meetings, esp junior women - he gets properly furious about it. And, like a pp, I'm working hard to make sure my teenaged son is growing up with an awareness of all this. Assuming we're all doing that, things will surely get better for our daughters, won't they?!!

cheeto

You ok

Did the point of the thread just clip the back of your skull as it whizzed over your head

I worked for a very sexist company. It really pissed me off. The men were in charge and the women were minions. We all had degrees and I, along with some others had been hoodwinked into thinking it was a good job. I stayed for a couple of years because I managed to change roles.

Can’t say I’ve noticed the sexist thing frequently. Maybe it’s because I project my voice and am a little taller than average and about the same height as dh. Workmen deffo don’t defer to him. I’m the practical one.

I have this in my male dominated employment, the public will always ask my male colleagues for information even if I've spoken to them first. I'm the most senior person working in my area, and a lot of time time male colleagues have to defer back to me.

I won't start on job descriptions ending in 'man' and the 'manning' of the roles or I'll be here all day.

Husband and I went to Homebase yest. He went to the paint bit, I went to the garden bit. When he asked a female staff member something about paint she said 'most gentlemen need to check with their wives'.

I think it has got better, vvvv slightly.

I worked in a very male-dominated area, about 30years ago. So male dominated that once a woman got married, she was forced to work only 4 days a week, 'to look after her husband properly'.

I have this too. If someone asks what I do and I say I work n the NHS. The men always say 'oh are you a nurse'?

No I'm actually the boss and I manage a £52mn budget.

I used to work in a very well known golf club where women (who didn't work there) were only allowed inside the main clubhouse on special occasions. They had a building across the road which was more casual where women were allowed into, but only if they had been signed in by their husband or were accompanying a man.

We were made to always serve the man the wine first to taste it.

Oh, and of course the bill was to be given to the man, but only because women were actually not allowed to pay for anything themselves! 🤔

The club has since changed to allow female members but there is apparently still no allowance for this in the main clubhouse so it's definitely not equal rights yet.

One of the members used to always call me girl ("get the door for me, girl!") and many of the members were incredibly sexist, although, surprisingly, a member was once banned by the other members after touching a female member of staffs' bum.

In my current work (I run a restaurant with DH) I get the usual men ignoring me to speak to my male employees, and a couple of times customers have actually walked past me at the till and gone into the kitchen to order with the male chef instead of just ordering with me. The chef just sends them out to me usually.

People frequently think I'm the secretary, yet never think that of DH or the male employee when they are out front.

We had an employee in the past who seemed to think he was above me and could ignore what I told him to do if he liked. He didn't last long.

"a couple of times customers have actually walked past me at the till and gone into the kitchen to order with the male chef instead of just ordering with me. The chef just sends them out to me usually. "

That's extraordinary! Who the hell would go into a restaurant kitchen to order food from the chef? It makes no sense.

@InsomniacAnonymous I know, right? They saw me talking to the chef as they came in, then just followed him into the kitchen to order. They just assume it's his restaurant too, he's actually a freelancer.

When we need change for the till I have to send him to get it as none of the surrounding male-owned small businesses will change money for me, but they gladly do so for him.