Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

Due to a plumbing emergency we ended up needing a new bathroom sooner than intended...

The company we tended to use for house renovations weren’t available for months and the bath needed to be ripped out ASAP as there was an actively leaking pipe behind it.

My husband had had a local plumber do something small in the house before I’d moved down with the kids (after buying the house I’d stayed with my mum for a couple of months with the children whilst the kitchen was sorted - wanted it done before we were there due to 2 ASD kids)

He said he could do it much sooner, he came back to measure and discuss. Just me at home, he looks a little perturbed and comments should he come back another time when mr flower was Home? Er... no... he only cared that it happened fast... it was ME making all the decisions!

I told my husband that I’d rather wait a few months for the preferred company, who actually talk to me like I am a person!

I organised a job to be done on the house, I made the call and gave my name, I was at home to oversee job, I paid for it. Then they posted the receipt to Mr Mogster. Why?

Kitee when you greet them to your shop could you say something like ‘Good afternoon, if you need any assistance in finding anything, myself or my assistant joe will be happy to help, do you know what you’re looking for?’

With respect to the person who said this, Kitee PLEASE don’t do this, you only have to look at AIBU to see the number of threads where this overly interested stance puts people off!

It is the convention in our courts that the QCs sit on the row nearest the judge, then other barristers, then solicitors, then clients and observers. I'm a barrister. I don't do much court work in my area so my face is not well known. I had a hearing and a male trainee accompanied me. We were seated ready for the hearing on the barristers row when the other teams rushed in as the judge was entering court. One hissed at me "move- counsels' bench". Apparently I growled back " I am counsel". No one had said a word to the male trainee.

Just remembered another one, years ago.

Local council elections coming up. Councillor knocks on the door to canvass us (I think that is the right term). “Hello love, I’m Joe Bloggs and I’m running in the local elections and speaking to householders about what they want from their local councillor. So, is your husband in so I can chat to him?”

Would anyone like to take a guess at which political party he represented?

I remember many years ago walking into a car showroom (with my sister) looking to buy a new car. I very carefully explained the spec I was after - fast, good handling for country lanes, 0-60 8 secs or preferably less, manual (this was before my foot packed up working a clutch properly), able to take at least 4 adults plus big boot space for sporting weekends away. The salesman offered me a 1.4l automatic squinchy little thing & told me how good it was as a runabout "for the school run" (I have no children).

On the other hand I often take my male best friend with me if I'm looking for a car as he is very up on car mechanics, though I do know a fair bit myself. Last 3 new cars I've bought for myself (over many years) on each occasion the salesman may have made a single reference to something like "does your husband have anything to add" when I've given them the spec, and the moment we both laughed & said nothing to do with him they've virtually ignored him unless he has directly asked a question.

I used to manage a paintball site, and all the referees happened to be men. I was the second highest ranked of the staff in tournament play (some didn't even play themselves), and had been reffing myself for over 10 years. The look of shock on people's faces when I would step up to do the safety talk rather than one of the guys was magic

cherry - tempting to assume Torys but I'm increasingly thinking Labour are no better for sexism.

You are correct cheminotte, it was a Tory councillor. I actually ended up working for the council a year later and he was the creepiest pig I’ve ever met. I refused to be in meetings alone with him.

He’s regained his seat for the last 10 years

*retained

Wow Kewcumber it sounds like you've come across some truly archetypal characters in your time.

I'm a former EMEA director for a multi-national (household name; you've almost certainly bought their products recently) and haven't come across any scenarios quite so... film-script-like... on my travels.

I get this at work frequently. I deal with people over the phone often men will disregard anything I have to say until they speak with a male colleague who confirms what I have confirmed already.

Incredibly frustrating!

Shellybobs your kind of mean spirited attempts to call someone a liar drags this thread down. Unless you have proof that a poster is a fantasist how about you read the thread without making spurious allegations.

I work in a female dominated role for a male dominated industry. I have been asked on multiple occasions what value I add.. I keep your asses out of tribunal you twonk.
I was paying in a local supermarket by card not so long ago and their card machine didn't work. The manager asked to speak to my husband, I don't have one.
On the plus side the local council did take note when I enclosed a polite query with my electoral form asking why, when I'd lived at the address 10 years longer than my DH, the house belonged to me and I paid the council tax, they insisted on addressing correspondence to 'his name, my name' the next letter came addressed to me

Every day sexism has to be challenged.

It would also be a really shit film of someone walking into a shop and speaking to a man not a woman.

Had to work in male-dominated environments all my life. Came from a family of boys. So used to standing up for myself. Being tall is helpful too. Just had to stop them doing that twaddle to me. They usually fall over like dweebs. Centre yourself, look them in the eye and bring on your inner power. Has taken me 58 years to just about do that though...

Re: car showrooms. I was in the market for a small runabout recently, and my DH (who doesn't drive) was with me for most of it, and my mum and dad for some of the trips as well.

Every time I approached salespeople, I did the asking and the talking and explained that car was for me. We visited the same brands in different location due to me being indecisive and where we actually physically were at the time. In almost every case, the sales people were deferring to the men and ignoring me.

The exceptions were Mazda and Honda, and I've anecdotally heard Honda is pretty gender neutral from others, too.

(Oh and in one, I think it was one of the Honda places? The salesperson developed a bizarre fixation that it was my mum that wanted the car and that I was some sort of plant for her. I don't know what that was all about, all my mum wanted was a cup of coffee so she was quite happy to let them pander to her and discuss things over one while I actually looked at the cars. My mum doesn't actually do runabouts, she drives like Tommi Makinen and can't be doing without the possibility of 0-60 in six milliseconds.)

What's the gender neutral/multi gender alternative to Dear Sirs?

I complained about this on our work templates and was told "it did refer to both men and women". Sadly that seems to mean Dear Sirs/Madams is not deemed appropriate, as that was what I suggested.For some letters I can use Dear Directors but in other cases I'm not writing to them!

Would be really pleased to have a form of address for a multi-recipient letter that's only going to have one copy so I can't just mail-merge it to the individual recipients that doesn't just assume everyone is a man!

All this reminds me of the women who had to invent a male colleague to get their business off the ground.

I usually go for something like 'Dear Colleagues' if it's at work, or use their actual names when I know them and it's only a few.

Dear Customers? Dear Sales Associates? Might have to be dependent on job title.

Hermione yeah you see that's where I get stuck - I'm in prof services and people get v het up about stuff not being formal enough.

Internal email a hi or dear all is fine, externally they want stuff as formal as feasible. I've considered To whom it may concern but the to wouldn't go down well. Dear xxx managers might work though, letter dependent. Thank you!

@Etymology23 does 'Dear Sirs' need to be on it at all? In my case the quotes I receive that are addressed 'Dear Sirs' were requested directly by me so should really be addressed to me personally but if the company want to have a general quote format it could just say 'Please find enclosed your requested quote' or something like that.

Ah cross post, I see it does have to be more formal in your situation.

I experienced the opposite. Several years ago I worked in the motorbike trade as office manager but was always getting male customers drone on to me about their motorbikes, assuming I rode them and knew the difference between and adventure and a tourer, twin and single cams etc whatever. I'd nod and hmm and try to prevent my eyes from glazing over because actually I knew nothing at all about them and couldn't have been less intererested.

We had the gasman this week to fix something. He only spoke to DH, who was home for once. At one point, he had to walk past me, to the next room to speak to DH. He even asked DH if he could use the bathroom.

I remember another!

I used to work for a highways authority, and my (male dominated) team had the task of improving roadworks signage for the public. The brief from above was to make us look ‘friendlier’ (which in itself is a load of crap).my colleagues had the ‘brainwave’ of having pictures of our frontline highways crews and their kids on our signs with the words “Please be careful, my daddy is working”. ---- (I later found out they nicked this idea from elsewhere BTW)

I pointed out that this was entirely sexist, that we had thousands of highways workers and we didn’t know that they were all men, and even if they were not doesn’t mean a woman wouldn’t join the organisation.

They proper scoffed at me and did the whole “ooh feminist” thing and laughed about how silly and sensitive I am. My wanker boss said “it’s a great idea, but if cherry can find just one woman who works on our frontline then we’ll scrap it” winking at the men.

20 minutes and a few phone calls later I brought my boss the names of three female highways workers, who worked at just one of the depots. He rejected my request to look into all our depots to see if any more existed funnily enough.