Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

I would add two things:

Often when I look for customer service help and there are >2 male/female assistants standing near each other, when I look up and scan them, I am obviously in need of help. I will then wait for one of them to show interest, or better still step forward. I find quite a lot of the time that the women will not step forward, but the man will, or the eye contact with the women is lost. I don't know why some women do that.

Secondly, I will often go to the person dressed most smartly, as intelligence and attention to dress is some very low level (unreliable I know but it's a split second thing and I've got nothing else to go on) indicator to me of intelligence and attention to customer service. So if I see a woman with her cleavage hanging out, inappropriately short skirt, or tottering about ludicrously on high heels I'll avoid her. Likewise if I see a man with his shirt hanging out, or too tight a shirt, those awful skin tight trousers, or a tie not properly done up, I'll avoid him.

Haha @RhiWrites if only!

A close friend had this when visiting her bank with her dh to remortgage their property. They only talked to him, and ignored her or directed their answers to him, even though she had asked them. This continued until they asked their salaries. They then visibly changed their body positions and completely ignored him (the lower paid of the two, by some margin.) Sooooo bloody rude on both counts. Why can't people just talk to other people??!

When I was about 26 (way back at the end of the 80s) I had a male assistant about 15 years older than me, (nice chap but completely incompetent). Yep you can all guess how that went....

Flower can I ask, which shops have you been in where there's been female staff with cleavage out, short skirts and ridiculous heels? Genuine question.

I once was in a jewellers where all the women wore ridiculously high heels, but it was clearly a stupid company policy. The shop was across 2 floors as well, with no lift. But that's the only time I can remember.

I once picked up a call for a more junior colleague who worked for me (everyone except me was out at lunch) and took a message whilst also saying "is it something I can help with?"

The reply was:

"I hardly think so" in an extraordinarily supercilious tone

Said person arrived the next day to meet my colleague, and turns out he was a new joiner at the company and considerably younger and more junior than me.

My colleague introduced me to him

"This is Kewcumber, you spoke to her on the phone yesterday and told her she couldn't help you" Pause for dramatic effect...

"She's my boss, the European FInance Director of the group - she pays your salary"

Of course the pale shade of greyish green he went was satisfying but the more annoying thing was that it wouldn't have been OK to talk to a secretary or a member of the admin team like that either.

I work in a call centre when we listen back to agents calls you would never believe the differences in how customers speak to woman vs men. I've found men over 40 are the worst offenders i've been told i'm a good girl many times

Flower this is why I make a conscious effort to greet everyone openly and I try to be as approachable as possible without being in peoples faces. Some people just want to browse and I try to judge when to ask if they need help etc.

I tend to wear (not that it should matter, but I know what you mean and I agree with you) a nice white shirt, smart trousers, blazer if I’m cold. Joe wears smart clothes too so I guess we are on an even keel there.

And that’s besides the fact that I’m not far off 30 and he’s 19! Baffles me.

In fact now I come to think of it it was very Julia Roberts'ish.

I am very like Julia Roberts in so very many ways (but better at adding up)

"Normally I would say something, but I obviously have to be careful. I have to make a living and I rely on every bit of custom I can get in these times"

You've hit your own nail on your own head. You need business so just get over it. Or wear a massive MANAGER badge that might make people think ooh she'll know more I'll speak to her. It's psychological that's all not personal.

Kewcumber oh I wish I could have seen his face!

“Kitee is the owner of the shop” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as European Finance Director. Maybe I should change my title....

Oh heaven's above kitee - How infuriating for you
I know there are 2 of you in YOUR shop, however, I would be seriously tempted to get name badges anyway. xx

TheLastPeg

Flower can I ask, which shops have you been in where there's been female staff with cleavage out, short skirts and ridiculous heels? Genuine question.

Sure. Numerous private boutiques in my city (London), some (not all) concessions in Selfridges, often at MAC counters, Foxtons estate agents, etc etc and just last week a posh designer-type conservatory company in their showhouse (she was a director of the company, not just showing people round).

Don't get me started on some of the women companies still put on their trade show stands..

I live abroad and rent my house out, so I've given the agents my dad's details in case of an emergency that needs someone local and they can't get hold of me - but I signed all the forms, it's solely my property etc.

They send all communications to dad. I've pointed this out to them many, many times, still, the next time something happens like the gas certificate needs to be arranged, or a tenant has a request, they send the email only to my father.

I would dump them, but they're the best agent I've found in the area so I'm a bit stuck with them despite the sexist incompetence when it comes to who has responsibility for the house.

I started a thread on here about me looking at quad bikes at an agricultural fair and the male rep on the stand thought I wanted it for a toy. (I'm a farmer)
Most of the posters on here thought I was being ridiculous.

Stop greeting customers. That’s what a worker would do. Get Joe to greet them and then defer to you if he can’t answer the question. Male shop owners aren’t doing the meet and greet.

Kewcumber is that story actually true? It sounds like something we all dream of happening.

This happens at my work all the time, my female boss is ignored and suppliers/customers will assume I'm in charge.

We're very tempted to put BOSS and MINION on our email signatures to make it clear.

I work in retail. I’m a manager. It’s a DIY store. This happens constantly, I hate it. It’s rude for starters and I’m more than capable of answering your questions. I sympathise OP.

I’m laughing at Flowerpot who has helpfully told you to step forward and make eye contact (despite your clear post) and put away your heels and cleavage, you scruff.

Seriously, let Joe do the work so you can do supervisory, boss type things, and he can call you in if he is too busy shelf stacking or doesn’t know the answer. As long as you are able to listen in a bit and make sure he's doing it well... if you need to intervene, say 'so sorry, Joe, let me do this one as I have more expertise.

Reminds me of when my Mum was the head of her department, and a man came for a job interview. She has a reasonably unisex name, so the man asked her for a cup of coffee, and stated he was there to see reasonably unisex name. Apparently his face was a picture when she gently explained that that was, in fact, her.

Not just men, women as well.

Recently I graduated from the Open University. Had ceremony at the Barbican. Went to collect my tickets and orders of service from the ticket desk. The woman tried to give the envelope to my husband, and then kept directing the information for the day to him (including where graduate would sit!) , despite the fact I was stood there in my graduation gown.

I should make it clear this was a member of Barbican staff not the Open University.

@MrTrebus just get over it

Er, no. Whilst I am aware that I’m in a customer facing role, I am also not obliged to accept blatant sexism OR be belittled in my own business.

Should all women just accept it?

I’ve just thought of another example but it’s reversed.

I went out with a male friend the other week and I bought a phone cover from one of those stalls you get in shopping centres. The cover was £6 and I handed over a £20 note. The cashier/ owner (male) took MY change from the till and handed it to my friend. I was stood right in front of the till. I was closer to him. My male friend wasn’t even looking in his direction.

IT IS RIDICULOUS.

Fair enough Flower*. I'm too skint for Foxtons and high-end boutiques so I've never been to them. Interesting about MAC/makeup counters though, as you'd think they'd dress like that for the men but they're probably nearly 100% selling to women.

Flower